I've been reading the other stories on this forum for a little while now. Finally they inspired me to write one of my own... So im writing then all of a sudden it hits me... I can't write a story to save my life. Which is why i called this story survival... that and its about some people trying to survive.

so anyway im hoping to make another installment of this so please feel free to leave HELPFULL commments that will help to improve my writing. So dont just tell me that my story sucks tell me why it sucks.

Also i realize that its very long and probably full of typos and grammar errors so if you see anyway please tell me what it says and what you think it should say

for now im tired and will post the introduction of the story tomorrow. then i will post Day 1 of the story the day after tomorrow. After that i will decide by your comments whether or not i will post a Day 2

-Thank you

ok so im not going to give you the long story i promised... i looked over it and i just dont like it... at all... it kept leading me to dead ends and was too made up... so instead im going to give you a little preview of some new work... i like this one but its only the beginning and i liked the beginning in the other one as well. so once again leave helpfull comments (no your story is great or your story sucks tell me why it is great or it sucks). if you like it then ill post more if you dont i wont. also if you do like it make sure to tell me whether or not you think i should just write more short stories or continue this one (keep in mind that in the last big story i tried i kept running out of ideas and often ended up at dead ends) also i realize that in this story nothing really happens... thats because im trying to show you my writing style and give you an idea on the character's situation before i start the blood bath.

__________________________*****story*****____________________________
“Ahhhhh” My scream echoes through the empty halls as I awake from my nightmare. I pick myself up off the floor and look around me.

The room is empty, and the door is open to the hall. Half ripped wall paper decorates the walls leaving them nearly bare. Behind me is a wall with one small window.

I head over to it. Outside I can see a dark, abandoned street leading down a row of apartment buildings. It all looks familiar but none of it the same. I can’t remember anything. While every picture, every street, every building brings a flash of forgotten memory into my head, it never stays long.

I’m lost in this world, left alone to wonder these empty streets fending off all the undead who try to take me. They try to lead me to their underworld but I refuse to go.

I can hear them from around the corner and I know they are coming for me. I turn and bend over, picking up my large 12 gauge shotgun.

“Well I guess this is just another day in paradise.” I whisper to myself then cock the shotgun. Strangely I can’t help but grin...

This post has been edited by Tanker on March 15, 2007 12:48 am

Alright, firstly, where are you? why did you say about undead trying to- Ahh, nevermind. But, seriously, you need help with this, and i will be willing to help. But, why have you got a shotgun behind you? i didnt even know what was going on.

Im not offending you, but im just saying i should help you with the story.

shotgun behind me what are you talking about? he has a shotgun thats a normal thing in a world of zombies also im going for a type of demented. you have to understand that this guy isnt right in the head. hes spent some time in this world of zombies and hes starting to lose his grip on reality. hopefully over time that will become more clear. so yeah i guess half the idea is that you dont know what the hell is going on. Im actually planning to switch views in the next installment if i decide to make one. but this is just introducing someone who will become very important later on. also i would like to know what exactly you are suggesting? what can i do to improve it?

This post has been edited by Tanker on March 15, 2007 02:47 am

Hey, i wasnt flaming you, but i cant understand most of that... though i can understand the apartment thingy

as i said your not really suppose to understand it quite yet. something youll see in nearly all my writings is that there is always someone who doesnt have a full grip on reality. its sort of my signiture

This post has been edited by Tanker on March 15, 2007 02:52 am

...



Well, just please look at elite vikings tips.




I AM NOT FORCING YOU TO DO THAT

ive read those tips before. but they ruin the idea of my story which i guess is the problem. those tips make it so that you have to make a story where everyone is more or less predictable. people who are insane and not predictable. but dont worry i promise the next installment will make sense. as i said this was really just to get people to understand my style. if you want to call it style

LOL mr survivor.

LOL mr survivor.


EDIT: SOrry for doubleposting. internet acting up.

This post has been edited by Zombie Assassin on March 15, 2007 04:17 am

mr survivor?

oh yay... what does that mean?

g2g to lunch brb and yes ur rank is Just Another Survivor.

in retrospec i guess i shouldnt have opened with this... its to symbolic and you have to read what hes saying more carefully... im afraid im too much of a science of the mind type to write to an audience... that doesnt mean i cant try... so anyway helpfull comments please... so far ive learned not to get too deep in my writings and i guess thats a start

OMGOMGOMOGMOGMGOMGOMG!


But seriously it sucks though itll be better in future.