Before I begin, I'd just like to say this story is a work in progress. I know it starts off quite fast leaving you with little background information, but im still working on the story. I will fix this, I promise, but for right now, just cope with what i have.
If you guys want me to finish the story/add to it, just let me know in comments.
If you don't then ill just leave it at where it is.

Thanks & enjoy!

CAUTION: PG-13 Language ahead!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With my heart thumping and my adrenaline pumping, I sprinted towards the front door as fast as I could. The feeling of being chased only made me accelerate faster and faster. I leaped up over the small set of steps and ran smack-dab into the half-glass, half-wooden door.

As blood came dripping out of my nose, all I could think about was whether or not the door was locked. I turned the knob only to find that it opened with ease. I was completely relieved. I leaped inside and immediately slammed the door behind me, shut. It was closed but it hadn't been locked. I glanced around for the key, only to find that it was already in the door. I turned it until I heard a locking sound as the bolt slid across into its locking position. I took the key out so I could put it in my pocket, but instead it dropped to the floor.

Cursing myself, I quickly retrieved the key and carefully placed it in my pocket. Sweat was pouring down the side of my face. Impromptu thinking wasnt one of my specialties. What to do, what do I need to do? So many things were racing through my mind; I couldnt concentrate on what emergency preparations needed to be done.

Focus, Tim, Focus. I said, trying to calm myself down.

Its okay, you locked the door, your safe inside the house, everythings going to be okay. I continued.

And thats when it hit me, the back door. I forgot to lock the backdoor.
I turned around and peaked out the front door only to find that the men who were pursuing me were gone.

Shit, the backdoor!

I ran to the laundry room where the door that leads from my garage into my house was located. It was unlocked, however I could instinctively tell that it hadnt been opened. I turned the deadbolt, then the small lock that was on the knob itself. After experiencing a nice sigh of relief I felt much better about the current situation I was in.

The house was completely silent. An attribute I was not too comfortable with. I was pretty confident in the fact I was alone in the house, but the silence that was lurking in from the outside made me feel a little uneasy.

911. I ordered myself.

I crept over to the kitchen telephone, dialed 911, and then waited anxiously for a response. I heard nothing but a busy dial tone.

No frickin way! I yelled out-loud with disbelief.

This is way too unreal, its like Im in some kind of shitty horror film or something. Oh well, no time to complain, moving on to plan B.

I ran upstairs to my bedroom, and grabbed my metal baseball bat out from underneath my bed. Just holding the thing made me feel ten times better.

Now where the heck did Dad put my pocket knife?

I waited a minute or two for the answer to come popping into my head, but it didnt.

Oh well, I concluded

I heard a loud bang come from downstairs. It sounded like someone was at my backdoor. I froze in place, only waiting to hear if someone had gotten inside. There was another loud bang and thats when I concluded I still had some time.
With my stomach in my throat I gingerly crept back down the stairs.

I wanted to get into my Dads den; I knew hed have some sort of fatherly protection in there. However The den door was locked, but luckily, like the front door, it was partially made out of glass. Neglecting all second thoughts, I instantaneously swung my baseball bat at the door, shattering the glass into a thousand little pieces.

It wasnt big enough to climb through, but big enough to fit my arm through. I reached around through the broken glass and unlocked the door from the other side, then quickly barged in.

There was a fireplace, a black, leather chair, a bear rug and a nice, executive desk. Every drawer was unlocked except for the very bottom one.

More consistent bangs were coming from the laundry room.

I need to hurry.

I tried prying the drawer open, but it wouldnt budge.

Key got to find the key.

I quickly ransacked through the unlocked drawers, but didnt come across the right key. I looked under the bear rug, but it wasnt there either. I stumbled over to the leather chair and removed the seat cushion.

Ah ha!

I grabbed the shiny, platinum key and unlocked the bottom drawer. Bang! Bang! Bang! Now the bangs were coming from the front door. I paused a moment to hear if anyone had finally broken in. I could hear the men at the front door started to fiercely moan in agony.

This is not good.

I opened the drawer and to my relief, found a fully loaded 9mm Berretta. I made sure the safety was on, then stuck the gun down the back of my pants for easy access. There were a couple boxes of bullets but they were too much to carry.

I grabbed as many handfuls of bullets as I could and shoved them down in my left side pocket.

Okay, thats good enough.

Despite the fact I knew how to use a gun, it still made me a little nervous carrying one. Ive shot it multiple times at the range with my dad, but Ive never really had full possession of it. One thing is for sure; it made me feel a lot better carrying it.

I also noticed there was a pair of car keys in the drawer along with the gun and ammo. It looked like the keys to my dads Ford F150. He must have locked it up so I wouldnt have taken the car for a spin while he was gone. I grabbed the keys as well as his spare cell phone.

The bangs continued to repeat, but it was the sound of a window breaking downstairs that forced me to run into my Dads bedroom. I locked the bedroom door and ran down the hall to the master bathroom. I locked that door as well.

I cant hide in here for long, eventually theyll find a way in.

I grabbed the cell phone out of my back pocket and flipped it open.

No signal.

I ran over to the bathroom window and opened it up to try and receive a signal. As soon as one bar came into view I dialed my dads number. I got that same busy dial tone from before. I could think of no other option but to call my best friend.

Same dial tone.

Well, shit.

My morale began to drop. I almost felt like hunkering down in the shower and just try holding them off for as long as I could.

Suddenly the phone rang.

Hello?

Dude, did you just try calling me? Questioned a familiar voice.

Yeah, dude, you willnt believe whats going on, Im locked in my dads bathroom and theres these people trying to kill me. I informed my best friend, Daniel.

I know, I know, theyre banging on my backdoor, trying to get in, I dont know what to do!

Wait, theyre at your house too?

Dude, theyre frickin everywhere! Oh shit, I think one just broke in!

I know, I know, theyre already in my house, I think I can hear them banging on the bedroom door.

Well shit man, what do we do?

I dont know bro, but you need to get somewhere safe!

I know, Im hunkering down in my bedroom. If worse comes to worst I can just climb out my bedroom window onto my roof.

Well thats good; good thinking.

What about you?

I dont know, man, I just dont know.

(To be continued...)

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 19, 2006 04:46 pm

Not a single reply, yet? Wow, guess it really sucks then.

No it doesnt. Be a little more patient. I'm still reading it, I'll give a critique tomorrow when I have time.

So far, this story really captures what most zombie games and stories are about.

I liked:
How you quickly dived into the terror.
The first person narrative (while I do not prefer it over third person, it is still fresh.)
The tone of the story; this sounds like it can really evolve!

Some things to fix:
When the same guy is speaking, it's not always necessary to leave a space/paragraph for each sentence. For example, this;
"They're at the backdoor. I think I need some help."

is better than

"They're at the backdoor."

"I think I need some help."

Overall, I'm looking forward to see where you go with this story.

Keep writing!

Wow, thanks a lot jest3r. I'd never expect a review from you. I love your writings, they're great. Im sure every writer in this forum is blown away by your amazing talent. I appreciate the review and I will definitely continue more with the story later, after I wake-up some. (Ill also make sure to try and fix the speaking, like you showed me.)

As for the "jumping into the terror" comment. Haha, that's kind of funny, cause, believe it or not, this was actually a dream I had. After i woke-up I thought it'd make an awesome, survival-horror story, so I decided to write it down as quick as I could before I forgot what had happened.
Anyways, thanks-a-lot for the review. You make sure to keep writing, too. Can't wait to read your next big story.

-Tim

1:56 PM

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
MORE STORY BELOW
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 19, 2006 06:41 pm

The bangs at the door grew louder by the second. I could tell the deranged men were slowly managing to break their way through.

Suddenly I lost signal.

I closed the cell phone and stuck it back down my pocket. I had no time to try and call him back.

I need to make a move, I cant just sit here.

KAPOOF! I heard the bedroom door bust open. Mindless bodies filled the room in a search of human flesh. I wasnt quite sure how many there were, but from the sound of it, sounded like there were at least three or four.

Sounds of shuffling feet and echoing groans were all that lurked in from the opposite side of the door. I glanced over at the open window in perplexity. I could jump out, but what if there were more roaming around outside? None have passed by in the past few minutes, but that doesnt mean they arent out there?

I could see shadows beginning to obscure the light from underneath the door. They were getting closer. I took a deep breath, and then cautiously approached the half-opened window. Peeking around both corners, I discovered that my backyard was oddly desolate.

I threw my bat out the window, so I could have an easier time crawling through, on my own.

By the time one of the men managed to pound on the door, I was out the window and reacquiring my bat. I quickly glanced around to make sure I wasnt going to be ambushed.

Surprisingly, It was safe.

I decided to close the bathroom window behind me, in order to leave the men in confusion. Just a little trick I developed from watching many horror films. Always take the time to close the window before running off.

Before moving on, I reached back to make sure I hadnt lost my gun. Luckily, it was still there.

My next goal was to make it to the garage. If I could get in the garage, I could hop in my dads truck and get the hell out of dodge. Staying as low and as close to the house as possible, I slowly snuck my way around the exterior of the house.

I occasionally glanced over at my neighbors only to find that they looked perfectly normal. The streets were quiet and the birds were chirping. However, I found it hard to believe that I was the only one who was undergoing such an attack.

I thought Daniel said they were everywhere? But if thats the case, wheres all the chaotic screaming and destruction?

Maybe everyone else is already dead? I whispered to myself.

And just like that, a cold, tingling sensation went slithering down my spine. Just the thought of being the only survivor gave me the worst chills. And as I crawled through the bushes towards the garage, it was all I could think about.

Luckily the garage was vacant, however the backdoor to my house was open, and I could hear the men wandering around through the inside. As I slowly approached the bright red, truck, I couldn't take my eyes off the backdoor. I was waiting any minute for one of the creatures to come shuffling into view.

I carefully sat my bat on the ground so I could use both hands to search for the car keys. Before I could even take them out of my pocket, I opened the driver-door so I could easily climb in if I needed to.

HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! Went the car alarm.

Damn it! I barked, while quickly picking up my baseball bat and tossing it over in the side-seat.

I heard the creatures inside moan with rage; I could tell they were coming for me. I climbed in the driver seat, locked all the doors and started up the car. As soon as one of the creatures came into view, I shifted the car into reverse and slammed on the gas.

ERRRR!! I went tearing out of garage in reverse.

KABOOM-BOOM! I went running over a fairly large object.

Ha-ha, take that bitch! I yelled with anger as well as exhilaration.

I didnt see what it was, but it felt like a body. The zombies stumbled down the stairs and into the garage, but before they all managed to shuffle out onto the driveway, I reached up at the garage-door opener and trapped them all inside.

Ha-ha, Tim just pwned you bitches! I yelled once more before driving off.

The thrill of barely cheating death, really got my adrenaline pumping. I glanced at the left-side mirror to see if the zombie I had ran over was dead, but only to find, that it wasnt one of the creatures.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry this one wasn't as long. I decided to shorten them some to add a little more suspense to the overall-story. But let me know what you guys think. Let me know what you think I should add, or work on, or take out, or fix or, anything to make the story better. All comments are accepted!

Thanks for reading!

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 19, 2006 09:55 pm

very good, keep writing! check oujt my new stroy as well...p;lz

Thanks a bunch Nikku. I like your story as well, it's coming along great! (I hope you got my comment on it.)

Well anyways, some more comments would be nice, if not, thats okay. Im going to post some more of the story in a couple minutes.

1:13 PM

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
MORE STORY BELOW
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 21, 2006 01:22 am

Oh man, oh man I said climbing out of the car with a heart racing at hundred beats-per-second.

I was so shocked I didnt even bother reaching for my bat. It was Jake, one of my neighborhood friends. Him and I go way back. We use to be great friends until he started hanging around the wrong crowd, then we sort of split apart and went our separate ways. Of course I still kept in touch with him here and there, but we never really hung out like we use to.

Jakes parents were out on vacation, so like me; he was at home all by himself. From what I hear, his parents didnt treat him so well. Its not like they physically abused him or anything, but theyd often neglect his presence. Whether it was going on vacation or just spending a night out on the town, theyd totally decline his invitations, always making-up some excuse like its date night or something.

I felt really bad for him, but due to our lack of friendship I could never really find the courage to help him.

Jake was banged up pretty good. All his ribs were broken and his pelvis was shattered. He lost all feeling in his legs, so he couldnt even try to stand-up.
His eyes were barely open and steady flow of blood was dripping out the side of his mouth.

Ah Jake, oh my god, man, shit, Im so sorry! I apologized as desperately as I could.

In my mind, all that I was praying for was that he wouldnt die on me. I couldnt bear knowing I accidentally killed one of my own friends.

I didnt know what to say, there was so much going on, I didnt know where to begin. I tried apologizing but it seemed utterly impossible. I mean, how do you apologize to your friend about accidentally running him over? Jakes face grew pale as he slowly began to shiver.

IIneededhelp Jake struggled to speak. He coughed up some blood then tried again, but couldnt.

I didnt know what to say; I was so shocked, I was completely speechless. He then died before I had the opportunity to respond with another apology. I could feel a tear slowly beginning to build up in the corner of my right eye. Then, I heard some rustling in the woods and looked up to find Ms. Henderson slowly approaching me.

Mrs. Henderson was one of my favorite neighbors, and she lived directly behind me. She was quite old, but as sharp as a fox. I always enjoyed talking to her and trusted her the most out of all my other neighbors.

Oh thank god! I shouted out loud, You willnt believe what just happened. I went on.

Mrs. Henderson stopped, looked up at me with a crazed look on her face, and then reached out at me with her wrinkly, old arms.

Oh give me a break. I shouted before dashing back towards the car.

I hopped in, locked the door and glanced out the window to see her come sprinting towards me at mach speed.

Crap!

I switched the transmission forward into Drive and sped off down the driveway, then made a sharp right-turn out onto the main road. As I drove myself nowhere, all I could think about was that pale, cold look on Jakes dying face.

I couldnt concentrate on anything; my guilt was just too overwhelming. No one should ever have to undergo what I have just witnessed; A situation where afterwards, you feel as if youd much rather take a bullet to the head, than continue living with the guilt.
Thats when I realized why some people would rather choose to throw that drunk driver in prison rather than to have him killed. So he wouldnt get to take the easy way out. So hed suffer from guilt all his life behind-bars, haunted from his past memories, rather than being put to death and never having to deal with it.

KABLAM! I went flying towards the front of the car.

POOF! The airbag shot-out cushioning me, then sent me flying right back towards the seat.

I nearly jumped out of my skin.

What the hell? I moaned reaching back to massage my whip-lashed neck.

The airbag deflated revealing to me what I had ran into. It was a black Ford Taurus that had partially ran off the side of the road.

Damn it, Tim, how did you not see that? I questioned opening the door so I could climb out.

Smoke from the engine quickly filled the inside of the car. I was groping around for the bat for over two minutes before actually finding it. After climbing out I cautiously approached the Taurus, keeping a firm grip on my bat. The man in the car was dead, but not from the accident.

The blood stains on the windshield and vanilla, leather seat were a dark maroon red, indicating its been there for quite some time. Sadly, I felt slightly relieved at the sight of this.

The man was quite old, definitely in his mid-sixties. He looked quite familiar, but I couldnt make-out who he reminded me of. I noticed he had, what looked like to be, bite-marks on his neck, and brutal scratches all over his torso. His cause of death definitely looked quite inhuman.

The stench made it very difficult to examine the victim. I also noticed he had been listening to KMB Radio, one of the only local news broadcasts.

Covering my mouth and nose with my left hand, I stumbled back towards the truck.

Todays just not my day. I muttered climbing back into the wrecked vehicle.

Blinded by the smoke, I turned the key hoping to get the car up and running again. After four or five desperate attempts I gave up. Coughing hysterically, I climbed back out of the car.

Suddenly my cell phone rang.

Hello? I answered with tension.

Dude, Ive been trying to get a hold of you forever! Where are you, are you hurt? Did you finally make it out of the bathroom? Daniel replied with a concerned tone of voice.

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 21, 2006 01:25 am

nice twist of fate, nothing seems to be on his side, this story defenitaly has potenal (sorry for spelling) you have alot of adjetives but every now and then there is a to simple setence, and the only other thing is, needs more!

Thanks for the nice review Nikku. Im glad you've been enjoying my story so far. I hope I get some more reviews after the release of my next chapter, which I will be posting shortly, btw.

11:45 PM

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
MORE STORY BELOW
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, Im fine, I managed to get in my dads car.

Oh great, is it possible then for you to come pick me up?

Well, not exactly bro. I sorta have gotten into a little accident.

In an accident? How? Are you okay?

Yeah, Im alright. I just wasnt paying attention and ran into a parked car.

About how far are you from my place?

Uh, about a mile and a half or so.

Oh.

Hey did you try calling the police? I asked in dreary voice.

Yeah, I tried multiple times, but all Id get is this damn busy dial tone. Can you believe it?

I shook my head with disbelief; it was just too surreal. I took one last glance around the crash site, looking for anything that might assist me on my long journey to Daniels house. But there was nothing besides automobile carnage. Everything was either broken or burnt.

Beep-Beep! Went my cell phone. I glanced down to find I had been conversing on a low battery.

Hey man, are you okay, I mean, are you safe? I questioned in a fast-paced voice.

Um, yeah. Like I said, Im up on the roof.

Great. Well my battery is starting to die, so Im gonna-

Beep-beep-beep-beep

Perfect. I mumbled closing the phone and sticking it back down in my pocket.

Pointlessly, I glimpsed over at the Taurus. I casually rubbed my chin bristles while taking a moment to re-strategize. And thats when I noticed that the body of the dead driver was missing.

Hmm, thats weird. I mumbled while readjusting my hand so Id have a better grip on the bat.

As another cold, tingly sensation ran down my spine, I surveyed my surroundings in search of a threat. It was calm and quiet, except for the police sirens blazing off in the distance. At the moment I was safe, however my gut told me it wasnt going to be that way for much longer.

Theres no way Im walking a mile and half down this god-forbidding street. Especially not with the possibility of dead bodies lurking around.

I surveyed the area one last time in search of a plan-B, my bat well at my side.
Off to my left was a nice, white, wooden, two-story colonial house. I wasnt quite sure whom it belonged to, but it looked as if it had been abandoned. The front door was left wide open revealing its messy ransacked interior.

Plan B. I muttered while managing to reveal a slight smirk.

It wasnt a well thought-out plan, but it sure did beat walking for a mile and a half.
Besides it being a pigsty, the house was very unwelcoming. I dont know what it was but something kept giving me second thoughts about whether or not I should leave. It could have been the bright-red splotches of blood on the white-carpeted staircase, or it could have been the rotting smell of corpses coming from the downstairs basement, I wasnt quite sure.

All there was to hear was the distant voice of Aaron Kingsley, one of the many Channel 12 news anchors. It sounded like it was coming from the family room, which was down the main corridor and directly to the right.

Over to my left was the dining room, and directly to my right, was a closet.

I quickly opened the closet door, and then jumped back, both hands on my bat ready to swing. The closet was empty; nothing but a couple winter coats, a broom and a school backpack. I greedily unhinged the backpack from its hook and emptied out its contents, which mainly consisted of nothing but a couple pencil shavings and some shredded pieces of paper. I then took a moment to strap on the pack before continuing with my residential exploration.

Gurgle-gurgle Went my stomach.

Onto the kitchen. I murmured softly to myself.

As I crept my way down the main corridor I made sure to stay on the look-out for anything that might be of use. The beautiful wooden floor was covered in garbage. Papers, pillows, knocked over lamps, shattered light bulbs, fallen pictures; the house looked like it underwent a tornado or something.

Except for a couple opened cupboards and drawers, the kitchen wasnt nearly as bad. There was a nice rack of Cutco knives on the one of the kitchen counters, however I was little nervous about taking them. I didnt want one to puncture out into my back. There was a nice sharp pair of scissors in one of opened drawers, but for some reason, didnt feel like taking them. My bat serves well enough as it is.

Time to move onto the food.

I slid open the pantry door to find a wide assortment of tasty foods. I ripped open a box of Blueberry Poptarts, placed a pack out on the counter to eat, then put the remaining few in my backpack.

I also managed to pack a bag of Zesty Nacho Doritos, a box of Kelloggs Corn Flakes, a couple cans of fruit, and three bottles of Deer Park water.

Even though I knew I couldnt carry refrigerated food, I still took the time to check-out what was in the fridge. There was nothing but a couple bottles of ketchup, some skim milk, and some eggs. It looked as if most of the food that was in there, had already been taken.

Hmm, oh well. Now all I need is just to find that dang can-opener.

CREAK! Went the floorboards from overhead.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I'm not gonna lie, I did go upstairs and chow down on some junk-food after I wrote this newly added chapter.

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 22, 2006 04:10 am

That's an awesome story! It's pretty original. Usually the hero has super fighting abilities, and downs battallions of undead, but your figure is more of a tactician. I also like the way thing keep getting worse There's minor spelling errors at places, but nothing big.

But you are going to kill zombies later on right?







...right?

This post has been edited by Elite viking on August 24, 2006 09:37 pm

Yeah, I was thinking about that, haha. I was re-reading my story and was like, I can't believe I hadn't killed a single zombie yet. So yeah im definitely going to work on that within my next couple of pages. (Hmm, I wonder who that is upstairs?). I can assure you that soon, soon he will kick some major, zombie-butt. Anyways, thanks for the post Elite. Always appreciate your uber posts. I'll work some more on the story after I get back from the Gym. Til then, stay cool everyone!

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 25, 2006 04:05 pm

ATTENTION: WRITERS WANTED!!

Okay, so I now I've been kind of busy lately.
Well the truth is, Im working on another story (something outside of the BB community) and now I've kind of forgotten about where I was going to go with this story. I had a great idea for the next page, but now I forgot what my brilliant idea was.
I haven't given up on this story yet. I will come back to it, but not till I get a little further with my other story. (I got the juices flowing and good ideas keep popping up in my head).
However, I'd be more than honored if someone would be willing to write a continuance to the last page I posted. If someone is willing to accept my offer, I'd appreciate it if they told me first before heading out to write.

I also request that the continuance fits in well with the rest of my story. Though Im pretty positive it's impossible to read a persons mind, I'm sure you have a good idea of where I was going to go with this story.

[Practicality + Suspense = The ingredients to my story]

Try to keep it in the survival-horror category, and not the action-horror. Like Elite said, my character is a tactician, not a super-hero who goes around mowing down tons of zombies.

And one last request; I'd really appreciate it if it was written in first-person, however I know majority of you guys are third-person writers, so if you must write it in third-person, Ill still accept it.

Thanks to whoever ends-up accepting my offer!

I'm sure it'll be a great addition!

This post has been edited by CrazyforRE on August 29, 2006 05:48 pm

I'd take it up, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to pull the whole survival-horror theme. I'm more of an action writer myself.