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> It has come., The Infection has started.
Zombie Assassin
Posted: June 06, 2008 12:16 pm
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Approximatly 7 hours ago, It invaded a small town in Chernobyl, at the Ukraine. This is how it started:






"Harry, can you get these reports out to Sue at front door reception? Because I was gonna meet Amit, and we were gonna get some Macdonalds, see how things are going, and maybe get to see his wife's baby." the voice spoke.

"Sure. But, uhh, how's Sayid?"

"He's been better."

But, when the man went to see Amit, he saw that around the neighbourhood, things started to get a little strange. He knw plenty of people in the town, and most of them were gone. Others were limping around and stumbling to the mall in there pyjama's, and then as soon as he went in there, he saw it. What seemed to be an army of undead ran towards him, and teared him apart. He blacked out, then woke up.


"Sam, are you okay?" Amit said.

Wha??? Didn't I just die? he thought.

Then, he turned around to see the people in their pyjamas come into the mall. They were not zombies, but were still tired and had red pyjamas. The ones who didn't have red pyjamas were the ones who got some red on their pyjamas from a paint job when everyone went to help Parker paint his house, so it was just coincidence.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Sam said.
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End of part 1 of 10.

If you like the story, then comment, and please be honest with me. I just wanna make a sucessful, good story.

This post has been edited by Zombie Assassin on June 23, 2008 09:38 am
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mallic
Posted: June 06, 2008 01:52 pm
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hey kid read some more books and develop a better knack for story telling


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Zombie Assassin
Posted: June 11, 2008 11:02 am
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Sam looked around the mall, seeing what he always sees. But, something was different. He turned around, and saw an old man swiping at pidgeons. "Huh... either he's making room or he's crazy." Sam thought. But then, a man just fell over in the middle of the mall. And he was not breathing.

This is when the crazy thing or... whatever it is struck. The man just grabbed a woman by the throat, and bit her neck off. All of a sudden, Sam blacked out. Then, when he woke up, he was laying in the middle of the mall. He got up, and saw dead bodies everywhere. Then, he fell over. He became one of those things.


Who am I? My name is Jai... like that would matter now. We are at safety, and this threat has been destroyed, but I just feel like sharing what happened.

The main thing that happened: S.A.S Forces and USMC Marines came to help. The S.A.S was lead by a man named Soap Mctavish. But, it was not enough. They had to blow the whole city up. My family... my friends... they all died.

All except a few... and my girlfriend lived.


But now, what happened from my point of view. A little thing you should know: I was with the S.A.S Forces.
_______________________________________________________________

The helicopter was the only way to get into the city... The strange "Virus" was only beginning to manifest, but the National Guard had already blocked the road off.

Soap said "Listen, men *under his breath* and woman. This is going to be dangerous, so Jai, you will be with me. Harris, Greg and Mac, you will also be with me. The rest of you, move in and eliminate this threat. See if there are any helicopter's around, and if you find one, take any survivors onto the Helicopter. One of you has to leave to pilot the Helicopter, but report any information back to the USMC HQ. Right, that's all.

Oh, and my squad, we will move in and search for anything... that could be helpful for researching. But, both of the squads will meet up with the USMC at the destinated time.". I had experienced a lot, and this is what we faced.


As soon as the helicopter landed, it seemed the USMC had gotten here earlier. They had checkpoints all over the place, and the malls in the city were used as their bases of operation. They said that they haven't encountered a threat yet, but I thought he was lieing. Asking for more information, he said that they did see some things around the checkpoints and the malls.

All of a sudden, they were upon us. We opened fire madly, aiming for the heads, but we were just spraying fire everywhere. They runned like freaking crazy, and eventually they caught up to us. Greg had already been pulled in, and I didn't see what happened to him. Soap yelled out "RETREAT", as we had already lost one man.

5 Hours later...

We were still running for our lives from them, and we had gotten pulled into the crowd. Death was standing over us. The next thing we heard was gunfire, and then the things trying to kill us all died. Then, the gunfire turned on us. We were probably going to die.

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End of part 2 of 10.

Yes, one part in the story doesn't have any action or zombies in it, but I couldn't think of anything else.

This post has been edited by Zombie Assassin on June 11, 2008 11:34 pm
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gordon_frohman
Posted: June 11, 2008 02:14 pm
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QUOTE (mallic @ June 06, 2008 01:52 pm)
hey kid read some more books and develop a better knack for story telling

AGREED
i suggest books like

Stephen King - The it
Dan Brown - the da vinci code, angels and demons, and that computer thing he has .
Chuck Palahniuk - Fight Club
J.R.R. Tolkien - The lord of the ring series , The hobbit, Silmarillon


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Zombie Assassin
Posted: June 11, 2008 11:29 pm
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I've read all of the first Deltora Quest Books.

But, my dad has The Da Vinci Code.




Next part will be very long, but I will actually put thought and planning into this.
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iliketoblowzombieheadsoff
Posted: June 12, 2008 12:16 am
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It wasn't so bad, just a few spelling errors and grammar errors. Reminds me of when I write when I was new to it. biggrin.gif

Just keep writing and you'll get good. It's not so bad as what mallic and froh said. Just giving some friendly advice.

Work on the shifting of scenes, and you'll be fine. Explain a little better too. Other than that, the story so far is nice. biggrin.gif


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Xemo
Posted: June 15, 2008 04:54 am
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Iz ok. Not great, but then, I cant write stories at all, personally, so.. Meh. Its ok. Read Stephen King-Cell. Just because its a good book. To me.. unsure.gif


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Zombie Assassin
Posted: June 23, 2008 09:35 am
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Alright, next part.




We tried to find some cover, but Soap just stood there shooting. He got shot a lot, but he prevailed.

"Sir, are you okay?" I said. "Yeah... I've had worse. Like that time Captain Price slid his gun to me and I shot Zakhaev and his bodyguards. THAT time, I was hurt.

I mean, Price... Gaz... they all died." he replied.

But then, I noticed something.

Shit...

"Sir, we need to get to cover immediately. Night has fallen, and there's no telling what could happen to us."

"One man coming back", Greg said.

"Greg??? You - you're alive!!!" I said with joy. He said that he had done a little scouting, and that there's a mall nearby. USMC controlled. So we followed him. It wasn't easy though. Greg was the most agile, and the zombies came and chased us. Greg led us to a ladder, one which led to a jump.

As we ran across the rooftops, Greg said that the only way into the mall was to jump. We all made it, except for me. I jumped, then I fell. Weak, I got up. The zombies cornered me in the alley. The other S.A.S crewmembers fired at the zombies, buying me time to get away.

I was running like I was pumped up on steroids. I had lost my gun, and that would be no use anyway, so I climbed ontop of a roof. So exhausted, I just fell over on the rooftop. I was going to die. All of a sudden, a USMC Marine walked out of a door. "Hey, Robyn, we got an S.A.S Crewmember. Let's bring him in.", the Marine said.


End of part 3 of 10.

________________________________________________________________________

So, got any ideas???

Oh, and the reason it was not long was because... I've got homework, and I've just got too much stuff to have alot of time for this.

This post has been edited by Zombie Assassin on June 23, 2008 09:36 am
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DavidRoxZoRs
Posted: June 26, 2008 04:34 am
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Good job ZA, I like how your basing it loosely off of Call of Duty 4's characters and storyline. I like it so far. Keep up the good work

Contrary to these people on the bandwagon ZA really isnt as bad as he was before.

Occasionally he will do something wrong but we all do

So mallic you need to back off. Keep your opinions to yourself unless its constructive please, and Im not trying to backseat mod here but I am personally tired of all the flaming of ZA and I know I used to do it too and I have already apologized to him for that.

I hope the rest of you are mature enough to do the same and try to act your age.

Which, in mallic's case is apparently 7.



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Nikku
Posted: July 07, 2008 09:18 pm
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don't quit your day job


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mallic
Posted: July 08, 2008 09:58 pm
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indeed sir

/me lights a pipe


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GaMeRT1
Posted: July 09, 2008 09:13 am
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You need to be more graphic, describe the enviroment more, use land marks and easily recognizable areas or places, like a park, a gigantic statue of jfk or something.
You should also use Microsoft word and write it there so you can get spell check and then get a friend to proof read it for proper grammer and proper words cause we all know Word sucks sometimes lol.
I strongly suggest trying to make better transitions between installments and paragraphs and put more depth into the characters, give backgrounds thoughts, and foreshadowing into what they are like under pressure.
Start the story off with a gripping plot sentence or story, its needed to keep the reader interested in the story.
Remember, try and make the reader think that they are IN the story experiencing what is going on. Thats what professional authors do, and you should strive to achieve that.

Other than that, good story =)


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