They came too quickly. As far as scientists could map out the path of the virus it's base point was in the mountains of China, the plague quickly spreading through russia and other european countries, headlines around the world had titles such as "Dead or Alive?", "They walk", "Doomed?". Africa fell soon enough. Everywhere the infection spread. No-one knows how it started. Theories of Biological weapons gone wrong. As soon as it hit the continent of America, a congress authorized operation, code named, Sweeper Sleeper. The basic jist of it was that all cities with the infection were quarenteened then obliterated. Either by nuke or by tank.
One by one cities fell, Los angeles, Los vegas, detroit, Washington.

The operation was almost a failure. The last standing city of the living world was New York. And everyday survivours were shipped in, all checked all cleansed. The city was surrounded though, outside the metallic walls were armies of undead, the military split the entire city into the survivors of the states. They fought for their piece of freedom, yet there wasn't enough bullets to go round.

Chapter 1:

The alarms are raised, speaker phones are heard blasting out words such as, "Wall F-43, all combatents from the state of texas are needed at Wall F-43" Drowkhan woke too this, every morning of every damned day. Grabbing his I.D and rifle, he proceeded to a marked opel truck. Jumping the back with his companions, Bill, Lisa, Jackie, Manny and Annie. All seasoned combants with the same desire to stay alive. "Hey guys, what happening at Wall F-45?" Drowkhan said, trying to get a murmer from his team.

"You mean Wall Fucked", Jackie laughed out, others joined in. "Its just a routine zombie kill'in mission". Jackie had a thing for Drowkhan ever since he took a bullet for her in Iraq. Jackie smiled blatenly.

"I heard that rounds are coming up empty in other states, we better start conserving ours" Bill mentioned, his wife only recently passed away, after sustaining a bullet wound to the head.

The truck manuvered through out the rubble with ease, however after an RPG flew overhead it briefly stopped, the driver in awe in what he is seeing. Drowkhan stood and looked over the top, "Holy crap, Wall F-45 is down!" shouting into a radio. "MOVE UP!" Manny cried, her hot tempered attiuded saved the lives of countless lives. The truck started up again and drove towards the wall.

The dead were pouring through upon the streets, everywhere you could see there was blood. Drowkhan watched as a four year old child was mowed down and eaten alive, and with that he cocked his rifle and squeezed the trigger.

Feedback?

First off, some criticism: America is not a continent. Also, I would add a little bit more detail. It sounds as if you are a person directly speaking to us, the readers, not so much as it is a narrative (unless that's your intent ; ) )

So far, the attitude of this is good. The opening paragraph seems like its the script for the opening of a movie (you know, the part where words and headlines flash across the screen?). Good set up, but the actual meat of the story could use some tweaking.

In any case, keep writing! I want to see more of this!

His rain of bullets hitting their guided marks with precision. The dead, or the undead, as many call them, fell beside their meals. Trucks from other states started to mingle with the defence forces, men hardened by the loss and rebirth of families of the undead. They had nothing to lose now, and that made them formidible. The opel truck ran through the undead straight to the beaten down wall. Eventually meeting up with smaller teams. Shooting afew rounds Drowkhan and Bill hop out to start a sensor field grid.

"Dude, the next peice of shit that tries to take a bite at me dies.", Bill coursely mentioned after planting a mine device. "Yo, the next thing that bites at you might be my mom" Drowkhan laughed out wildly, "Thats not funny, we had a serious thing happening." Bill spoke out.

The minefield was now set, the soldiers were finally pushing the undead back out to the outside. Tanks were now used, Artillery fired upon weak spots. Scarce in these dark days, imported from the finest of junkyards. Each painted with the symbol of their state. After afew shells were pounded into the undead ranks, they scattered and were obliterated. Time for the clean up. Drowkhan growled under his breath, "Why the hell do we have to clean up their shit?" pointed to the tank crews. "Cause we're maggots, genius" Jackie said sarcasticly.

This is really nice, I like the whole idea of a city fighting back everything.
But I would also like...ehm...what would I like? More survivors. yes, that's what I want. Raiding parties out to the undead world could be cool!

Its ok. The story would be a whole lot better if you slow down. Take your time with each piece of the story or else it will fall apart.

Feedback?

Gread read. I'd say you should heed the other fellas advice. Ya could definetly take it slower, and throw in a bit more detail.

Kinda got a Land of The Dead feeling from this story, I like it. Seems like you should re-write that movie. Heh, it was pretty good movie.. but I felt it lacking and some things werent necessary about the Zombies "communicating" and all that. And the bastard security guards at the mall or hotel, or whatever it was, can't remember. They should of had a last stand towards the end of the movie, instead of running away.

Keep it coming

I didn't see that movie and now I probably won't. Run away? Are they MAD?
They are surrounded on all damn points by a kazillion of zombies who now hold almost all the advantages. Run away? oh no. They are going to fight to their last damn man.
\rave

Keep writing, this is becoming really good.

Day 3 - Briefing.
--------------------------

"Can't wait to get my ass back in the field", Drowkhan mummered out to Bill, still under shock from the deaths of his fellow team mates. "Shut your skinny white pie hole private", Reubin ordered. In theses day's polite words such as "thank you" and "please" were often added with the occasional cuss, no-one seemed to mind. Reubin was all for it, especially during the field briefing, "Now marines we'll be landing you in hot zone, and when I mean landing, I mean powerdriving your ugly butts right out of that wall.", Bill cheered up and laughed under the pun. "You got something to say maggot." Reubin replied. "Sir, no Sir.", "Good, Guess what boys, we're heading straight to the capitol. We're retaking the capitol and the base mark is the white house." Reubin was known for his sense of direction, during vietnam he led his men through thirty eight kilometres of jungle, just to get a drink of beer from a near by base. "I also got another surprise for you. You'll be going out with the Chicago police. And just to make sure you dont screw up..." he paused and led his men out from the tent.

There waiting were three Bradley tanks, courtesy of the US Army. "I heard you ... boys, needed our expertise", The man on the gunner appropriatly named, "Gunner". "You wish asswipe, We just need you for foxholes.", Jackie smuggly blurted out, she recently dyed her hair red, we all make fun of her saying she's trying to blend in with the dead. Yet she always hits us when we say it. "You have a vicous bite... " Gunner said looking at her name tag, "Jackums.", "Fuck you dont call me that, dickhead." Jackie always hated the name, since kindergarten since she first said her name outloud.

"Enough! As you are all aware, the Bradleys, 25-mm M242 Bushmaster cannon and TOW II missile system will be able to get you out of tough situations, the 7.62 mm M240C machine gun will be able to give you covering fire if nessecary... As you approach the waypoint, we will carpet bomb the second waypoint. No-one is alive in that city. So shoot anything that moves. If you are bitten, Shoot yourself for christs sake. Dont make your team mates waste ammo on you." Reubin was also a blunt character. He always found a way to make the mission look impossible. Yet he's good that way.

The marines put on their helmets, grabbed at weaponry and ammo. "Dont forget marines, once you reach the city, go to the centre and secure the ammo dumps for the chinooks to retrive ammo for the other states." Reubin saluted. Then walked into another tent, but not before pulling out a cigar.

"This bullshit." Drowkhan looked at the field map. "Thats funny, you do smell like bullshit." Gunner shouted out, the rest of the tank crew laughed. "You know what, You peice of...., Your just there to shoot some holes, Its us who risk being bitten, so you better cover my ass with some good skills or if I turn into one of them, your ass is so mine." Drowkhan sounded serious, serious times call for serious beer. And after loading up they all moved out to the main gate. On lookers looked at the soldiers, all knowing that they will die. The men knew it too. Yet whats better, dying in a pile of crap, or in your nations capitol. The horizon was either black or red, everyday men fought through blood and guts. And on average three men from each state days a day. Compared to twenty babies born each month. The population was declining.

This post has been edited by Noobedup on December 16, 2005 10:56 pm

There you go! Awesome, good stuffs, i'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

Just so ya know, Capital ends in "al," not "ol" .

This post has been edited by Freak on December 17, 2005 11:31 pm

This is improving. Still a few grammatical errors, but its a decent read. Keep it up.

PS- to "Freak"- Capitol, as in a main city, is spelled with an ol. A capital is either start up money or a capital letter. He was right.

This post has been edited by Jest3r on December 18, 2005 05:09 pm

Day 3 - Moving out.
-----------------------------
The briefing was over, the cartridges and magazines were loaded carefully into there weapons. Tanks were loaded with rounds and petrol. Soldiers were carrying supply packets of chocolate and water. They removed the flak jackets and replaced them with lighter vests. If your gonna die, atleast leave the good stuff back home. The men jumped upon the tanks as they rode to the city gate.

Onlookers look out with grief. Words were used like "Waste of good men" and "I'll tell your mom you were brave". The tanks stopped roughly before the gates. Plastic explosives were the last to be loaded onto the tanks, just as they arrived at the gates. Civilians were ordered to move back, Humvee's opened up their turrets and aimed at the doors. Two apachee helicopters made runs over the gates, you could hear the screaming and moaning. All though you couldn't see it, you imagined the bullet's plow through the dead, ripping apart limbs, blood spraying everywhere. Back to reality, three explosions were heard, and at that moment the gates turrets opened up and gave out hell, round casings falling ontop of the tanks. All the men requested for the mission were rushed into the back of the tanks, and then, right then. The gates opened outwards, crushing the undead. The humvee's turrets quickly opened fire. Hundreads of undead fell where they stood. Then it was the tanks turn. Every one of its weapons from every one of the tanks opened fire at roughly the same time, causing huge devastation. Waves of undead were mowed down, then the tanks moved out into the open. And the gates were closed.

feed back pleasez0r?