I am going to make a story, do you want to be in it? Write your information like this:

- Name: Felix "Fini" Nordanåker.
- Home: Sweden, Skanör.
- Age: 22.
- Hair: Brown.
- Eyes: Brown/Green.
- Starting weapon (one melee): A screwdriver.
- Former occupation: Computer engineer.
- Additional notes: Likes pie.

Max persons: 6.

Since nobody signed up, I'll start with myself:

The adrinaline pumped through my veins as I ran through the shadowy hall-way, trying to open every door I pass without any luck. It was a race between me and the horrifying groans behind me. I turned around and ran backwards, and tried to get a look of what was chasing me. My vision was reduced because of the broken office-lamps in the cieling, only one in the hallway worked.
I saw a shape of a person down the hallway.
-Who's that?! I shouted.
No answer.
I waited a while, I thought maybe he was exhausted and had to think for a second before he answered, but no answer.
-Who's there?! I shouted.
No answer.
A minor flash-back went through my head, from when I invited a couple of friends over and watched a movie called Dawn of the Dead.

When I woke up, I was laying on my back, the person I saw earlier was only a metre from me. It was dark and I could not see the face, I looked sharp at him as the lamp flickered. The man was bleeding badly in the whole face, and was missing one eye. I was horrified. Desperatly I tried to kick myself back, I rose and started running. The next door I tried was not locked. I ran into the smaller office room and locked the door behind me.

Wooh!

The story has potential. First off, with every dialogue you need to start a new paragraph. Also, NEVER use a "-" to signify dialogue, just don't. Space out the events a little more, and be more clear on what's happening. There weren't many spelling errors which is good.

Anyway, here's my profile:

Name: Adrian Vasquez
Home: Arizona, USA
Age: 26
Hair: Light Brown
Eyes: Almond
Starting Weapon: Aluminum Baton
Occupation: Riot Police
Additional notes: Usually calm, but can be very aggressive when provoked.

There ya go!

Woot, ive been waiting for these types of threads. Danny's was inactive for now.
Time to start mine:

- Name: Albert Lambardi
- Home: Seattle, Washington
- Age: 35
- Hair: fully black
- Eyes: green( )
- Starting weapon: Sharp katana bought from store
- Occupation: S.W.A.T member
- Additional Notes: Usually silent. And LOVES chicken.

oh, this looks like fun

Edward Hands
-Home: Vancouver, British Columbia
-Age: 23
-Hair: Black
-Eyes: Blue
-Starting Weapon: Hunting Dagger
-Occupation: Hurse Driver
-Additional Notes: Can give up hope very easily


--sorry, yeah he is dark--

LOL Depressed. A Hurse driver with a hunting dagger?! That's just so out of place. I'm not saying it's wrong, I just think it's funny.

I will write more tonight.

I heard a cough, before I could react, I heard another one. I turned around and waved my hand through the stream of light, running through a rip in the bill-board covering the only window in this office-room.

-Who's that? I asked.
-Wh... What, me? The cougher answered.

He rose and removed the dust of his shirt. He walked towards the billboard as he asked what my name was. A second after I told him my name, Felix... He smashed his aluminium baton in the bill-board.

-I know what these things are, my friend... He said.
-Wh... What are they? Psychos?
-Are you a fan of zombie-movies, Felix? By the way... My name is Adrian...
-Not really, what do you mean, are they... 'Zombies'? I asked.

He stared at me and I turned around.

-Stupid question... Of course, they are zombies! I yelled.
-Well, we cant bitch around here, we need to do something.
-But... What?! We cant go out, they'll kill us!

As I made him aware of all of the dangers outside of the office-complex building. He walked towards the window, smashed it with his baton and ripped off a piece of the glass. I was still talking, maybe I was out of my mind... I didn't know at that point. There was too much on my mind.

He went across the room, getting a cleanex-whiper and some duct tape. He taped the whiper around the piece of glass and handed it to me.

-This will do better than that screwdriver.
-Your baton, is that a good weapon?
-I wont use now, he said as he took his Sig Sauer from its holster inside of his suit.
-An undercover cop? I asked.


To be continued!

Another thing, you use "..." way too much. Maybe it's Hysterical's bad influence ( ). But anyway, tone the "..." down a bit, it's quite irritating.

oh noes.. someone is doing my ... thing... heh. oh well, welcome to the club... but you better terminate your membership or people get mad at you and throw finklematter from their rooftops. haha, well.. I couldn't think of anything for a weapon. and I just thought of the closest weapon to me right now... and yes it's a hunting dagger...
It was actually something my grandmpa passed down to me... I.. well.. to be honest it's probably under some of my clothes or something... hope I don't step on it..

This post has been edited by Hysterically Depressed on September 26, 2006 12:48 am

Something like that should be kept somewhere safe, not under a unkept pile of clothes dude.

Before you run away throwing hand grenades at me, Im going to clearify:

I am 15 years old, I am from Sweden and I have MVG (A+) grades in Swedish grammar. In Sweden, we use "-" to signify a dialogue and "..." is not a fault. I can stop writing if this disturbs you.

heh, never known ... was freaking people out... hey I don't mind it

"Oh and a little note to SC"
yeah.. it should be somewhere safe.. if I can find it..
I'll stumble on it someday..

This post has been edited by Hysterically Depressed on September 26, 2006 04:30 am

One of the "powers" of an author is his/her ability to adapt. I'll leave you alone about the hypen "-" thing because thats how it is in your country. The "..." may not be a fault, but it's a bad habit. It's really not that hard to remove that from your entries. No one is throwing hand grenades at you, we are merely pointing out facts. Don't be discouraged, be challenged. Remove the "...", add more detail, and this will turn out really good.

Keep improving, don't shut off critique from others. Most of all, keep writing!