I believe I'm going to major in English, and maybe writing....I'll let you guys know I'm only in my freshman year of high school, but uh...take a look at this story I wrote.





6:00 PM
Wednesday, December 22nd. New York City.

Karl Finley had just gotten home from work, his job as a policeman giving him no thrill whatsoever. No gang shootouts, no drug busts, no bomb threats. Karl hardly ever got to make arrests...but he sure knew how to do it. His most memorable moment is when he took down 3 robbers at the 7-11 near his apartment...that is, of course, until something much more memborable happened.


The Curse....


Karl had read the papers, read about some crazy cult that wanted to raise the dead. Nobody took much interest in the cult, and they thought no harm would be done. Unfortunately, they were oh so wrong. The cult, calling themselves the "Disciples of the Undead". Wackjobs, Karl thought. Nobody knew what would become of the cult...nobody, except Lucifer himself. Unknown to the law, the cult had intercepted some Ancient Sumerian texts which were supposedly heavy necromancy. That is where our story begins...at Six o' clock tonight, the whole country will be changed.....

Karl grabbed himself a Diet Rite, turned on his TV, and sat on the couch. Nothing could relax him, he was always so active. The news was on, Channel 13...Karl always admired Dana MacPherson, the head anchor. She was telling a story about some completely random news, but Karl decided he felt like watching. "Well, it looks like this new litter of puppies will find a new home yet!", exclaimed Dana, in relation to her story about a near record-breaking amount of puppies born to a dog at a single time. "Awww....puppies...so cute." said Karl, wishing his cranky landlord would allow animals in his building. The story then shifted to something about the cult, and their current exploits. "Nobody knows what is happening, Tom...but I'm sure that these few cannibalistic murders can't be related...I mean..the walking dead? That's propostrous." said Dana.

And then the camera seemed as if it fell on the ground,fizzz fizz fizzle ,"OH MY GOD THEY'RE IN THE NEWS ROOM!!!" Karl heard somebody yell. He switched off the TV, grabbed his keys, and was out the door in seconds.


Feedback? I'll write more soon, of course.

It's good.

Now do me a big favor and comment on mine.

its awesome! Now please comment on my new story.

That's all you have to say?

Oh well.

Yours is good, for a few paragraphs. Word of advice: Be descriptive, not TO descriptive. It makes the story engaging, pulling it's reader into the story.

Allow it to make them smell the stench of rotting flesh, and hear the moans and gunfire.

So, out of all that I put down...it's Awesome?

Huh.

thanks, I'll get onto yours now.