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> Lil' Tales of Horror
SDWBOSS
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:32 am
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This is a scene in a story I was writing (all I have so far tongue.gif) so please leave your comments - I think I count on most of you to be honest wink.gif

His hurried footfalls echoed across the ghostly empty square. A tide of sweat gathered on his brow, and his lungs forced sharp gasps of air through his throat. The man's hands, though bathed in sweat were numb to the core with the cold invading his digits.

It was dark now - the fiery anger of the sun had long since subsided, and now the wild phantoms of the night swarmed the freezing streets and abandoned villages within the Zone. It was this reason shy chilling howls reverberated from all around, it was this reason why there was no soul within a hundred miles left breathing, and it was this reason why a man in a long coat was running for his life.

Suddenly, a piercing scream ripped through the crisp air from behind. He froze on the spot, wanting to run, but knowing that it was now futile - nothing on earth could help him now. Steeling himself, he grinded his soles on the blackened road which glinted in the vapour-veiled moonlight, winking at him as though taunting him in his last few seconds of life. As he slowly turned to face his murderer, his eyes flicked left and right, taking in as much as possible in the vain hope of distracting him from his impending fate; and old, wilting lamppost who's light had long since sparked its last dusk; the looming, rust-conquered gate to a factory who's rotting machines no longer whirred and droned. As his wandering eyes finally reached his dreaded pursuer, a cold and paralysing kind of terror seized him as surely as a vice. He could feeling his ribs popping as the fear gripped ever tighter around his chest.

There were more of them now - swarms of the brutes had been attracted by the lead's hellish howl. Nobody witnessed the horde rapidly close in on the stranger, nobody could hear the screams of the man, drowned by the collective moaning of the frenzied cohort... Nobody saw his mutilated corpse fall to the stone with a sickening thud...


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iliketoblowzombieheadsoff
Posted: September 08, 2007 10:27 pm
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WAW.

Dude. You are good.
That was an amazing story. Really now, this is the truth.
Your vocab was intensely professional. I was able to visualize what was happening.
Awe some.


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SDWBOSS
Posted: September 08, 2007 10:46 pm
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QUOTE (iliketoblowzombieheadsoff @ September 08, 2007 10:27 pm)
WAW.

Dude. You are good.
That was an amazing story. Really now, this is the truth.
Your vocab was intensely professional. I was able to visualize what was happening.
Awe some.

ty, ty v mucho.

Don't get nightmares now tongue.gif

*edit* actually, you blow zombies' heads off so you probably won't sad.gif

This post has been edited by SDWBOSS on September 08, 2007 10:47 pm


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iliketoblowzombieheadsoff
Posted: September 08, 2007 10:49 pm
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Nah, I won't. You see, I write myself, but not as descriptive as you. biggrin.gif

I actually enjoy zombie fiction, and I very much love making it. laugh.gif


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SDWBOSS
Posted: September 08, 2007 10:56 pm
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Oh cool.

Could you type + post your up? Or just make it up as you go along laugh.gif My best stories for school were done that way smile.gif


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Tanker
Posted: September 08, 2007 10:57 pm
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zombie is right this is very good and your vocabulary is professional... but one thing i will say is its not really a story. it never really tells you the main characters name or what hes running from or even where he is... except for the brief mention of something called "the zone"... its more like poetry.... but it was very good i am impressed...


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When He opened the fourth seal I heard the voice of the fourth living being say, "Come!" Then I looked and saw an ash-colored horse. The name of its rider was Death, and Hades followed him closely. Authority was granted them over a quarter of the earth, to kill with the sword, with famine, with plaque, and by means of the wild beasts of the earth.

-Revelations 6:7-8
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iliketoblowzombieheadsoff
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:00 pm
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Yeah indeed... I didn't know the main char's name.



And, here is when I shined like hell:

http://www.ironoak.ch/forums/index.php?showtopic=6707

I was proud of myself after I wrote that. Some parts are like, from 28 weeks later(if you've seen the movie), and some parts I made. biggrin.gif

I loved this story.. I'm working on a new one cept It's not as good as this and it's moving awful slow. It's cause it's progressing while the RPG, Heaven's Fall, progresses.

This post has been edited by iliketoblowzombieheadsoff on September 08, 2007 11:01 pm


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SDWBOSS
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:13 pm
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Very cool - I couldn't read it all, but what I read was very good, like I'd expect to see in a book biggrin.gif


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iliketoblowzombieheadsoff
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:14 pm
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Hoho, it's too damn long laugh.gif


Now, I shall stop being lazy and wash the dishes....


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SDWBOSS
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:19 pm
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Yeah maybe - not many people read it it looks like.

To get more interest, plan it in 3-4 sections that each EASILY fit on your screen. Then you may get more feedback biggrin.gif


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Tanker
Posted: September 08, 2007 11:23 pm
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i kinda liked my first story it was certainly different but it didnt kick off to well... but lets get back on topic


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When He opened the fourth seal I heard the voice of the fourth living being say, "Come!" Then I looked and saw an ash-colored horse. The name of its rider was Death, and Hades followed him closely. Authority was granted them over a quarter of the earth, to kill with the sword, with famine, with plaque, and by means of the wild beasts of the earth.

-Revelations 6:7-8
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SDWBOSS
Posted: September 19, 2007 04:40 pm
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QUOTE (SDWBOSS @ September 08, 2007 11:32 am)
...
There were more of them now - swarms of the brutes had been attracted by the lead's hellish howl. Nobody witnessed the horde rapidly close in on the stranger, nobody could hear the screams of the man, drowned by the collective moaning of the frenzied cohort... Nobody saw his mutilated corpse fall to the stone with a sickening thud...

***********************************************
Scene 2
***********************************************

Beyond the next hill, this horrific scene of massacre was about to be repeated. With ripped, worn clothes and frozen bare feet, a girl wandered aimlessly through the abandoned streets of her home town. This one was young – too young for the Zone’s haunted whistling streets. She was shambling along as if in a daze, totally unfazed by the freezing night air rasping in her lungs; completely unaware of the distant howling from across the hills; utterly oblivious to the heaving raindrops plummeting down from their black, brooding clouds onto her head, where they impacted one after the other with an explosion of fine spray. A faint groan of thunder was heard, mourning the loss of yet another hapless innocent.

There was a bright flash, like a thousand journalists’ cameras, harshly illuminating the ghostly alleyways and empty streets. The road ahead stretched to the horizon, and there was nothing ahead but the swirling mist that had stealthily descended. Another brilliant flash of light, and for a split second, a hellish beast was thrown into sharp relief before the girl, long strands of blood and drool rappelling down to the churning puddles below.

Recognition and fear instantly flashed in the child’s bright green eyes; she had stopped walking now – her bare feet stayed rooted to the stone and her white, numb fingers started to quiver. Her long hair, now slick with the rain, clung onto the sides of her paled face, as if recoiling from the sight that had just flashed on her retinas. For just a few moments, she was blind while her wide eyes adjusted to the dark once more, and a new wave of terror now enveloped her, for out of the rolling mist strode dozens of dark shapes, each indistinguishable from its stumbling neighbour.


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Tanker
Posted: September 19, 2007 10:54 pm
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you continue to show excellence in your writing... your way of discribing things and your vocabulary are certainly something to be proud of...


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When He opened the fourth seal I heard the voice of the fourth living being say, "Come!" Then I looked and saw an ash-colored horse. The name of its rider was Death, and Hades followed him closely. Authority was granted them over a quarter of the earth, to kill with the sword, with famine, with plaque, and by means of the wild beasts of the earth.

-Revelations 6:7-8
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SDWBOSS
Posted: November 05, 2007 03:23 pm
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***********************************************
Scene 2 - continued
***********************************************

Yet another bright streak of light, and they were standing there, assembled in front of her in their writhing ranks. The closest one, the one on which the girl was now transfixed with terror, was perhaps twenty feet away. Its red bleeding eyes glared furiously back at its victim, a curious, trembling red light danced across its contorted features, but it paid it no attention, totally overwhelmed by the urge to rip this puny child apart, limb from limb. It opened up its rotting jaws and let out an unearthly cry.

The crowd behind the leader took up the battle-cry, and a mass of sound assaulted the girl’s eardrums, yet still she stood there, unable to scream, nor to run or to blink, staring through the rain at her enraged murderer, at that strange light that no longer danced to the beat of the thunder and inhuman cries, but now steadily and calmly rested on the creature’s brow.


This post has been edited by SDWBOSS on November 05, 2007 03:24 pm


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SDWBOSS
Posted: November 19, 2007 03:11 pm
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Fine, I won't bother posting the rest of the story, if no-one's reading it sad.gif
You can all buy the book when it comes out (hopefully christmas 2008)


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