name:bret jackfield
armed whit:colt .45, m14 scoped and whit laser pointer and flashlight, combat knife. kevlar armor.

OKAY LADIES!!! WE ARE SENT DOWN IN THIS MESS BECUASE A VIRUS HAVE SPREAD OUT IN THE CITY. IT'S TURN HUMENS INTO SOME KIND OF FLESH EATING MONSTERS. bret was checking his wepon's. he knew he would need them. he did't know the other soldiers. he was the only one from company A. all the others where from B and C. now the where put toogeter in one company. OKAY GET READY WE ARE GOING DOWN TO THAT MALL OVER THERE. bret looked out of the window, it was a mess down there. some house's where in fire and car's wa's crashed into hous's and other car's. they finaly land on the mall roof. there was 4 humans there was kill the last one was realy hurt. HELP ME!!!! the medic ran over to him. ohh god it hurt!!! it hurt so mutch. suddenly one of the dead people rassied up and begin too walk right at them. HEY WE GOT A HURT CIVILIAN OVER HERE DUDE. NO DONT GO NEAR HIM HIS DANGEROUS!!!! THEY MAN WAS NOW REALY CLOSE TO BRET. is that man realy dangerous bret thinked. shoot him he killed all the others!!!!!! now he was realy close. bret pointed his colt .45 at the man. shoot him sarge!!! now!!!! bret fired of the gun and hit the man in his leg. yeah sarge good job! but the man was stil walking right at him. what!!! i fired a bullet right trough his leg. shoot him in the head damit!. the civilian screamed. then bret fired of the gun the second tim, and hit the man right in his left eye. the man fallt to the ground.OKAY GUY'S GET RID OF THEY BODY AND THE OHTER BODY'S OVER THERE. WE ARE STAYING ON THIS ROOF SET UP A BARRICADE ON THAT DOOR SO NO ONE CAN GET THROUG.

AFTER THEY HAD SET UP THE BARRICADES UP THEY LOOKED OUT ON THE CITY. AND.... THEY SAW THAT WAS 1000 OF HUMANS WAS SWARMING AROUND THE MALL. DAMN!!! WHY ARE THESE HUMANS SO WEIRD??? THEY ARE NOW HUMANS SAYD THE CAPTIAN. THERE ARE...... ZOMBIES....
FUCK!!! what are we gonna do now!!! stay calm we are on the roof and they are on ground. they can't attack os but we can attack them. we got heavy wepons and and plenty of ammo.they captian was scared. the misson was too save so many civilian that they could. now they was on a roof and gould get any where....

damn i i did't check the spelling

dude mjsut go over it then edit it .... not tat hard...... You should use military codes like company Alpha Bravo and Charlie, What is with all teh CAPS? and waht happened to Quotation marks, grammar mistakes alot of em,

it's my first story sorry the next chapter is gonna be cool

chapter 2

CHAOS:

a chopper was flying over the mall and some soldiers was dropped of there. bret was happy to see new faces. all he had see the last 5 day's was zombies. none of the zombies had made it throug the barricade. "OKAY LADIES WE GOT NEW FACES IN THE CAMP! THERE ARE FROM COMPANI A. NOW WE ARE 15 PEOPLE'S ON
THIS DAMNED ROOF SO WE ARE SPILLTING UP IN TWO GROUPS ALPHA AND CHARLIE" after they had split up they got they orders. alpha was staying on the foof and provieded coverfire for charlie. of couls bret was in the charlie team. the charlie team was going to find surviveors. there was a ladder they could get down to the street's to. "come on guys this way" the commander whisperd. "dont fire any of you weopons". all the solderis sat they weopons on safty.now they was on the street's.they could se that the alpha team was firing at the zombies.

bret was't glad to be on the ground. all the zombies and that kind of stuff. then he saw a civilian car coming driving down the road."hey commander civilian car down on the road".it was comming right at them but it was driving very slow. then it stopped. a man stand out of the car and walk over to the soldiers. bret was the first that talked to the man. "stop! have you get bitten or something?" "no but i have a cop or something in the back of the car he is realy in pain". then the soldiers ran over to the car and puled the man out of the car and layed him on they ground. " have you been bitten?" "no i dont think so but my leg hurt". suddenly some zombies have noticed they group of humans and they started to attack them. "damn wahat are we going to do now commander?" "OPEN FIRE!!!!". THEN THE APLHA TEAM HEARD GUN SHOT'S BUT THEY WAS TO BUSY TO CHECK WHAT IS WAS. THEY ZOMBIES MAYBE 50 METERS AWAY FROM THE GROUP. "MACHINE GUNNER WE NEED YOU RELOAD YOU WEOPON AND START FIREING!".BRET WAS A GOOD SNIPER AND HE KILLED A LOT OF THOSE BASTERDS."okay men we have to get thise men back to the roof. bret you are carrying they wounded and jack and peter are escorting you. LETS GO!!". there was blood everywhere in the street's. some new survivors had joined they group. bret was tiered. the man was heavy and big."INFECTED BEHIND OS" .A a group of zombies was 20 meters away from the group. "now we are fucked up"."get all the civilian's into that house. NOW!"they ran over to a big house. it had stones on they wall soo that they wall's could't break. "damn the door is blokked." "move away from they door we gonna blow it up!" BANG! "GET IN TO THE HOUSE NOW!"then they sat up a sofa to blok they door and a table.damn that was close. suddenly one of they civilian jumped on they commander and ripped his head of his shoulders. "damn she just killed the commander. shot that bitch". a lot of gun fire could be heard in the house. "NOOO MY BABY CRIED A WOMAN. WHY YOU BASTERDS WHY!!!" "sorry mam but you girl was infected and was brining everybody in this room in danger." sayed bret. the woman cried in a long time. it was dark now. some of the soldiers was sitting on they roof and sniped after zombie's every time they hit one they jelled: YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAHHHH. bret could't sleep that night. now every soldier was sleeping some was whatcing for zombies. ´"this is sick. what is going on in this town" the alpha team had stopped fireing for long time ago. they was dead now, the zombie had overrunned the mall. bret tried to think back in time. heaven's gate a peacefull place, and not like it was now. zombies killing everybody in sight.

bret heard the soldiers on the roof jelled. they had maybe killed 100 zombies. it was realy lame. just sit on a roof killing everybody at sight just like the zombies. some choppers had dropped of a bund of soldiers but they where killed right away. they city had been closed so that no one could get in or out. but if they could fly it was a other story.bret was tierd. he had a realy bad day....

sorry guys im bad at english but i will do my best

dont rush your story so much dude

chapter 3

bret wake up. he heard gunshot's down in the living room. he grabbed his M14A1 and his colt .45 and ran down in the living room.3 zombies was attacking the soldiers. "SARGE HELP ME PLEASE!!!!" bret saw his friend jackson was bieng attack be a zombie. he aimed for the head and pulled the trigger. the zombie fall to the ground. "did you get bitten?" "no. but im confused" bret and his friend ran out of the house.

the street was a mess. blood and limps everywere. "come on this way" bret and jackson did't know where to go. a chopper was dropping of some heavy soldiers. "GET RID OF EVERY ZOMBIE KILL AND WASTE THEM" a big man whit a mg60 was standing on a zombie's head."and now you gona die you dumass" then he pulled his deagle and blowed it's head of.bret was confused, he did't know to go and he was standing in the middel of the crossfire. "HEY YOU TWO GET DOWN NOW!" then a man fired of a m16a2 grenadelauncher of. a whole group of zombies was wasted.bret and jackson got on they feet again."i know it!. the old firework shop at heaven's gate." bret was't so glad for that ide. but they could use the firework to get rid of the zombie horde.

"but we need some kind of car" if they did't get a car they did't make it. the only car there was in they sight was a old broken OPEL. "okay what are we gonna do." "i dont know you are the sergant" bret never had been in the field. he did't know what to do. suddenly a giant monster was jumping from bulding to bulding and down to the ground. on the left side of it's head there was a computer. the monster did't attack any one. it just stand there and suddenly it attack some zombie's?" what are that monster doing"

meantime at a lab under the ground.
"yes MADS is working he attacking zombies. hey watch this!"a group a sceintist's ran over to the other sceintist."see he attacking zombies and helping humans." fool MADS supposed to killing humans.bu....but...but MADS dont have any weopons." then we will give him some weopons"

the monster attacked a hole group of zombies. and it saved a lot of civicilians. "bret i think that monster is going to help os." it was hard to belive but that was the truth.suudenly the monster stopped. it's eye's turned red and it begin to kill the soldiers."HHHEEELLLPPPP OH GOD HELP MY" then the monster ran away. "damn did you see that? it just ripped of his legs" bret was scared.then everything turned black.

bret woked up in a little room. it was dark outside."where im i". a man whit a gun stand in front of him. he had a m29 4 in his hand. "you are safe here"".what happend?a big monster killed every one in the street. it is lucky day.WHAT EVERYBODY KILLED???yes calm down.NO I GOT TOO FIND JACKSON HIS MY FRIEND.but if you go out there you get killed. MAYBE BUT I GOT TOO FIND JACKSON. HE RAN OVER TOO A CHOPPER WHEN THE MONSTER ARIVED. yes i understand but im going whit you. okay"

Actualy, it isint your first story. Sorry i had to say that

that's right i road THE DAY THE WOLRD DIED and THE DAY THE WORLD DIED(jacob edtion)

YOU REALLY NEED TO SLOW DOWN AND USE DIEGLOGE TAGS LIKE:
John: "adfhgadfhad"
Bill: "Ok"
bret: "Hello

SLow the fuck down please it is good story though

thanks

Bret and his friend was on the street's they was looking for Jackson. Bret new that Jackson wasnt dead. just before the monster had arrived he had got in to a chopper. but the chopper had crashed down in the middle of town. Jackson wasnt dead. he had taking a radio from one of the dead soldiers and contacted Bret. it was cold and dark outside. suddenly gun fire and screams could be heard down in the end of the road. meanwhile they was running down too the place where the had heard the gunfire Bret was thinking. what was that monster and why didnt kill all the zombie's and suddenly it ripped of the legs of a soldier? and why did Bret blacked out?
they was coming close to the place where the gun fire could be heard. and they saw some marines and a giant monster. it was insane. it killed the marines like sheep's. "RUN JUST RUN MAN!" the monster didnt noctid them.
suddenly the monster looked at them but they did't noted it they was running for they life.bret looked behind him. he could see that the monster was picking up some kind of very heavy weopons. "damn it armed. JUST RUN!!"
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i know that this was't a long chapter but i will write a longer next time

Don't mind. What they say. Your idea about the story, from an soldiers view is nice. But you need to seperate some of your story in paragraphs. For example when one of the characters talks. well you will see below

"Kill them! I screamed. As hordes of zombies came out of no where.

"AHHHHH" One of me men, were soon overcome by the massive amount of zombies. I hoped that I would make it out of this nightmare from hell....................

There is an example, of what i mean. And also describe the amtosphere. And you should have a good story.

i said this story PWNS

he should slow down but other then that its all good, some grammar mistakes but no biggy