nice story sry for that post that this wazs just random but i posted that when it was first post so i didnt know im sry

no problems

Good to see we're all nice, mature individuals around here. Try taking some constructive criticism once in a while too buddy, it might make you better than you are.

If you have to use a thesaurus to write, you're not meant to, and it doesn't matter if you are writing a story people like, it's still a genre you are trying to stay within, and the story you ARE trying to write could use a little more effort.

You really shouldn't try to stand up to someone who not only writes as a hobby, but plans to be an author and is currently writing a pen and paper game based on Final Fantasy.

Now, to deconstruct your post:
1) You say you do not have a limited vocabulary because that's just how the main character talks. Well, you're not the main character and your vocabulary is lacking if you have to use a thesaurus.
2) Your descriptiveness dies at dialogue, and while decent for the majority of your posts, could be better.
3) It does suffer from redundancy, maybe not in words, but the main character is constantly being knocked out with little to no explanation or reason, just simply because it's a plot device to cover up the holes.

You might not understand the basic concepts of writing, but I won't hold it against you, just try not to act like you're invincible to constructive criticism, and take some anger management classes.

I am Mature, I'm not the one who is mocking someone for using a synomn book.

Don't tell me how to write, I plan to be a writer one day, I am writig a complex 2070 post-apocoliptic story, waht is wrong with Theserus?

And besides, What You psoted wans't Cuntructive Critism, I will gladly Apoligized, If you do. I didn't Understand why you had to MOCK my story in that way, there is no explaination. You could have stated in a more kind way. Such as:

Good story but i Find that:

So Nikku?No probs? Are we good?

QUOTE (Jenova @ Jan 1 2005, 01:12 AM)

Good to see we're all nice, mature individuals around here. Try taking some constructive criticism once in a while too buddy, it might make you better than you are. If you have to use a thesaurus to write, you're not meant to, and it doesn't matter if you are writing a story people like, it's still a genre you are trying to stay within, and the story you ARE trying to write could use a little more effort. You really shouldn't try to stand up to someone who not only writes as a hobby, but plans to be an author and is currently writing a pen and paper game based on Final Fantasy. Now, to deconstruct your post: 1) You say you do not have a limited vocabulary because that's just how the main character talks. Well, you're not the main character and your vocabulary is lacking if you have to use a thesaurus. 2) Your descriptiveness dies at dialogue, and while decent for the majority of your posts, could be better. 3) It does suffer from redundancy, maybe not in words, but the main character is constantly being knocked out with little to no explanation or reason, just simply because it's a plot device to cover up the holes. You might not understand the basic concepts of writing, but I won't hold it against you, just try not to act like you're invincible to constructive criticism, and take some anger management classes.

Jenova Nikku is probly better writer then ull ever be so dont act like your the best writer on earth and dont use tha fancy vocabulaary crap dude cause its notl ike its gonna get u any credit and dude nikku odnt need anger managment classes. U got issues man u arent the best writer so dont act like it and you need to be a little more mature. and a pen and paper game?! I mean seriously dude if you can barel write how could you even make a pen and paper game much less based on an RPG like Final Fantasy.




EDIT: sry for double posting didnt mean to

I will glady take construtive critisism but, when people word it like an asshat, its different. I suggest you look at how nice Lord of the pings is when he psots cunstrutive critisis, mabey you will learn something.

David when you said that part about Matureaty who was that directed to?

Offtopic: David to amke ur sig a picture you need that pictures http. Then click IMG on sig settings, type, or copy and paste Image URL there

I'm not taking any sides but I don't think that you can call anyone immature david and certainly not jenova. I can't see how Jenova was in any way being immature. If he was being immature surely Jenova would have flamed Nikku. And i can't see how you can say who is the better writer since you can hardly string a proper sentence together. Please explain how jenova can hardly write and why you scoffed when he said he's writing a pen and paper game. Anyway, Nikku nice story, probably your best so far but it seemed to go downhill with the introduction of the robots. But jenova was right when he said that your description died at dialogue. You should maybe try to stop making your character unconscious all the time because it does look as if you're covering holes in the plot. Not in any way am I suggesting that you are, but it just seems like that.

wots this about metroid super soldiers and robotic voices wots going on why are they in a big courtyard with people sticking shit in there heads

they aren't in court yard


They are in their cell block, the courtyard is out side thier cell block

notice:
PLEASE IGNORE EVErYPART OF THE STORIES WHEn, AND AFTER THE "ROBOT" were introduced!

THANK YOU NIKKU YOU HAVE RESCUED YOUR STORY. Now it was your silly little sister who wrote all that rubbish about the robots wasn't it, EH EH,

I was VERY VERY tired, I was playing Metriod on the gam cube all day !!!!!! SHIt!!!!!!!! JSUT forget about that shit with Thoose Shamus things, I didn't and still don't know WTF i was thinking, If i do anything like that again, You have permissionn to hit me in the head with a paino!