My name is John Williams, private first class of the united states army....and this is the story of what happened in a city called Heavens gate...............

PART 1: friend or foe??

It was early morning me and my squad were at the lz we had been ordered to guard it and wait for surviors.......then a group of survivors started making theyre way here......but......they were walking....."what the hell??" i said softly, then my squad mate jim ran over to the group then the group of survivors swarmed over jim slashing and biting him "HOLY SHIT!!" i yelled "MAKE IT HOT!!" sgt. barnes said...suddenly the weapons around me sprung to life, ripping through the night.....i gazed as the rounds took off the parts of the peoples bodies so easily.....i watched in horror for a moment then aimed my mp5 and squeezed off burst after burst after burst....till finnaly it was over... chunks of the former humans bodies lay all over the pavement.........."somthings cooking up in this town.....and i dont like one bit of it...."

it was pretty good........in fact....... i liked it!


except one thing, What the heck is with all the ..........s

it looks like waiting spots and its a change for u your normally slagging peoples storys off

Nice start I like how sgt. barnes says "lets make it hot". I'm nitpicking here but maybe you should have a bit more description of the "survivors" and how they came into view. One other thing, the .............. please just use normal punctuation because in my opinion it looks really silly. And if they're waiting marks then fill it in with descriptions and suchlike. E.G when you talked about waiting survivors you should maybe say " the squad spread out crouched down in the ready position, the nervous eyes of the squad scanned the surroundings slowly, searching for any life. "On me guys! I have eyes on survivors". The squad moved quicly over to the private's position. They spotted a group of ten or so people walking slowly, the corporal sensed something was wrong. "Guys why are they only walking, surely they've spotted us". "Nervously the squad inched forward as a team"

thnx guys.............its good comments that help me write


Btw, nikku....I LOVE UR AVATAR!!

[QUOTE] thnx guys.............

Please tell me that was a joke or i'm going to break down and cry.

Part 2: What the hell is going on?
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After the incident in the lz, the squad fanned out to look for more of the former humans, i was on patrol with jacob when all of a sudden he yelled "THERE! THERES ONE OF THE BASTARDS!" i quickly turned around to see another terrifiying sight...the former human tore a piece of flesh out of jacob and ate it. jacob moaned in pain then blacked out shortly after i readied my mp5 and took down the bastard with a shot to the head. "JACOB?!?!?U OKAY!??!?" i asked he sat up and then stood there.Still standing jacob was silent as ever, but then he moaned as if trying to say somthing...."I need..........i need..." he said softly "What??what do you need??" i asked, he replied in a low voice, "BRRRRRAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSS!"

TO BE CONTINUED........

BTW......
sry about the strong language if any1 didnt like it, i could tone the laguage down next time.

bastard? I hardely consider that a curse.......

Nice Story, Keep it Up!

btw: My avatar is a hip-hip-break-dancing-ninja!

Scenery. I have no idea where or what this location is/looks like. use some more description of your surroundings. Otherwise good.

NEW CHARACTERS! WARNING THIS IS A MINOR SPOILER!
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i created this little thing to give ppl a heads up on some new characters coming in.....here they r!

Cambell: a corporate assasin hired to help remove any evidense of the zombie plague.

Former jacob:a new super zombie used to be Johns squad mate

Former barnes: Ull have to find out yerself

Jason: a corporate mercenary hired, like cambell to remove evidense of the plague

THATS ALL FOR NOW!

unlike some people, i dislike spoliers, next time make a picture in paint wih it, host it at image shack, then post a link!

PART 3: Freds new toy.
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"BRRRRRRAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!" said former jacob in a low voice,
i then quickly shot a burst from my mp5 at his chest bringing him down, "no....................jacob............" i said, crying, "ill make those bastards pay!" i then screamed in the night it was now morning, the sky blood red i was seperated from my core unit....and was stranded in the suberbs of heavens gate it seemed quiet at first, but the silence quickly was shattered by the sounds of nearby m16 fire i ran towards the sound, and soon regrouped with some surviving police officers. We took shelter in a nearby gas station and all was quiet for a few hours......but suddenly some larger zombie busted through the back door "what the fu----" but i was cut off by the larger zombie "FRED WANT BRRRRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!" the large zombie said, i then noticed somthing in his hands.....what i saw parilized me in fear he was holding a chainsaw......"OH MY GOD....." i said in fear..... the large zombie then smilied and readied the chainsaw.

TO BE CONTINUED.......