Chapter 1
The Santa Maria
Year 2030
The year is 2030 the world has made three ships developed by a scientist by the name of Nick jensons to go to mars. The names of the ships are the Nina the Pinta and the Santa Maria. Because of engine trouble the Santa Maria was delayed 6 extra months. And the worst part is something is on the Santa Maria no one knows what but there is something.

Corporal lives sir it looks like the Nina and the Pinta have made it to mars.
Lieutenant Dixon thats good to bad we had freaking engine trouble.
Corporal lives- yeah it sucks
Lieutenant Dixon corporal get captain Spangler on the com.
Captain Spangler Dixon
Lieutenant Dixon sir are ship looks good and know engine trouble so far
Captain Spangler that is good to here Captain Spangler out
Corporal Lives sir we have a incoming message in the engine room
Lieutenant Dixon put them on
Private Carr sir I think I heard something in the engine room
Lieutenant Dixon what did u here rats we probably have them you know
Private Carr no it was . Ahhhhhhhhh get them off me get the fuck off me ahh my leg my leg nooooooooooo help ahhhhhhhhhh
Corporal Lives we lost him
Lieutenant Dixon CHECK THE OTHER COMS GOD DAMNIT !
Corporal Lives- Sir another message
Lieutenant Dixon put them on
Soldier ahhhh get them off me I dont want to die my arm nooooo
Corporal Lives sir there is a message from the captain
Lieutenant Dixon put him on
Captain Spangler Dixon there is something or someone on the ship send a distress signal ckkckck my neck help
Lieutenant Dixon SIR! SIR! We have lost him damnit
Corporal Lives - sir we have lost are com
Lieutenant Dixon can we send a distress message
Corporal Lives Yes we can
Lieutenant Dixon- send it then
Corporal Lives already done

BANG BANG
Corporal lives -something is at the door
Lieutenant Dixon get the emergency weapons
Corporal lives- yes sir
Corporal lives here u are
Lieutenant Dixon here it comes
( door opens)

Lieutenant Dixon what the fuck

Your writing needs a lot of work and the dialogue also needs some reworking.
Oh and the whole mars setting is sort of dull, but never mind
You could try having a kind of commentary in your story instead of just dialogue, but maybe that's something you are attempting to achieve with your story as a sort of "effect"

It would have been much better if you cut down the ammount of talk, and instead described what the place looked like, how the character looked like, sounds in the ship...

sorry dixon is about 30 years old black hair skinny tan skin . lives is about 20 blonde hair really pail not much upper body strenghth like dixon .The ship is pretty big like as big as the ship in halo or in the movie alian the ship has some wepons not many and i am sorry for the trouble i will try harder next time

Dixon could not believe what he was looking at it looked like a human but it had a huge gash in its neck oozing with puss and blood. Zombie! screamed corporal Lives and shot the pistol and blew a huge hole in its head. What the hell did you do that for screamed Lieutenant Dixon that was a human I should blow a hole threw your head. That was a zombie said corporal Lives a what said Dixon. The living dead dont tell me u never heard of a zombie there has been plenty of movies and comic books.no I was more of a athlete I didnt read comic books and I hated horror movies said Dixon you had a boring life no offence sir . Any way what is a zombie and how the hell did it get on the ship said Dixon . okay the best way I can say what a zombie is it is like you are dead but living at the same time and dont let one bite u or u will become one to and they are very slow and cant think the only thing they know what to do is feed on the living so we better get the fuck off this ship because they will be after us and I know there is more on this damn ship . Lets go then said Dixon. Dixon and lives opened the door and ran down the hallway. They could not believe what they were seeing two of there own men being eaten by three zombies. help screamed one of the soldiers they ran to them but it was to late the soldiers had already be came zombies . Dixon shot one in the chest but it kept coming kept. What do I do screamed Dixon shoot them in the head said Lives okay said Dixon he pulled the trigger and boom the bullet blew straight threw the zombies brains. Dixon shot one more and Lives shot three. They ran to the kitchen and saw four of there men. Hey said one of them. He was African American bald and had huge mussels Sergeant Thomas McCoy Hi I am Lieutenant John Dixon, and the scrawny kid next to me is Corporal Lives. Nice to meet u said Thomas the kids next to me are Private Ralph, the kid with the glasses and he is chubby, corporal Jackson the Texan who is obsessed with god , and Lance the kid with the long hair and is tan. Have u had any contact with the zombies said Dixon sure bunch said Thomas I dont know what the hell is going on but this shit is scaring me. Do u guys have any guns asked Lives no only knives as long as u dont get bitten they work great said Lance I think we should get out of here and take the pods at the bottom of the ship exclaimed Dixon . power is out we would have to go to the ships control room and power them automatically, witch is hard because u need the ships access codes and the only person who knew them were the captain and he is and the pod room is over flowing with zombies . Well we better go to the captains quarters then and fine the access codes . are you sure we should go the place is over flowing with zombies and it might be safer here said Thomas we can stay here and be safe or we can get off the ship . Good point lets go said Thomas. They ran down the halls and up the stair cases and saw the hallway were the captains Quarters are but there were tons of zombies. Lets get these son of a But it was the last words Private Ralph said because just as he was running a zombie bit him in the face ahhhh help! screamed Ralph. RALPH! screamed Lance he ran to him but Lives grabbed him and pulled him back its too late for him screamed Lives lets go. Dixon blew a threw two zombies with one shot. Jackson picked up one of his Knifes and said lord forgive me for this and threw the knife and it cut off an zombies head . Thomas picked up one of his knifes and stabbed one in the eye. Finally it was all over they walked up to the Captains office and Dixon said here we are

Now you're getting somewhere. But remeber to have some space, take a "break" sometimes in the story. Like 'tis...
Um, siryou might wanna come look at this. Kason beckoned for his Squad Leader. The Squad Leader seemed annoyed, but did as he was asked.
His mouth hung open. Below him, roves upon roves of men and women were walking towards the city. However, they were not normal. Over the beating of the helicopter rotors, low, haunting moans emitted from the crowd. The helicopter flew overhead. There had to be hundreds, thousands, even. The Squad Leader turned

thaks for da the tips