City 18, Pt.1

My name is Pete Terno and I live in the city of Reton Acres. As I woke on a redsky morning, I heard a scream from my eldery neighbor. It was a piercing sound and gave me the chills. As i went to look outside and I heard squishing and munching, I couldnt seem to find what it was. I got the feeling of somebody right about to touch you on the back as I walked down the street. I walked all the way down to the local market only to hear along the way sirens, windows breaking, screams, dog barks and seeing some people run down the street white faced. I didnt know what was happening, maybe because I was tired. I went inside the market and shocked to move, I saw bloodstained customers walking gloomly, but I figured, they werent customers. They were crazed creatures of familiar faces. I ran back down to the house only to notice they infested my house. I was scared, very scared, then something grabbed me on the shoulder, hard and strong...

To be continued if posters say so.
Please post if you want Pt.2.

This post has been edited by >Pete< on September 27, 2005 12:56 am

Well, this needs a lot of work. You need t ogo in more detail, and you seemed to have rushed the whole thing. Why did the guy go to the market? What about he piercing noise you heard from the beginning? What about hte munching...where was it coming from as well? The observations you gave about the city/town in chaos was a bit too vague. The story was also very short.

I hope this helps you some.

>.< I know it sucked Im working on another, City of the Dead. Better reveiws and details, thanks for being so critical.