lol if you guys start making joined adventures we might aswell make a RP forum for it

i used to RP alot for city of heroes before i beta tested it.

I'm just interested in writing. I dont have the motivation to do RP.

It wasn't a long way down from the bedroom window. He slipped out and stumbled onto the front lawn. He hadnt gotten around to cutting it that week. There was no way he could go back in and kill whatever his girlfriend had become. He loved her so much. Perhaps there was a cure. He tried to put her out of his mind. The house was locked up and he hoped she would be there when he returned. If he returned.

He looked around cautiously. A breeze swirled down the road and brought with it the faint sound of sirens and the unmistakable pop of gunfire. He crossed the lawn and took one last look at the house before he ducked into the little red 2door they had. He placed the shotgun across the back seat and the backpack in the passenger seat.

Rachael was standing at the front door, naked and disgusting, pawing helplessly at the glass. Tom looked away in agony, stabbing the keys into the ignition and bringing the tiny car to life. He backed out of the drive way and before he pulled away, looked at her one last time. What she had once been was gone. He could see it in her dead eyes.

He drove three streets down. Tom decided he would go and see his friend Nick from high school. There were no cars driving on the road.

"What happened? How did I not hear anything about this?"

His thoughts were interrupted as a man stumbled into the street far ahead. Tom slowed the car and watched as he changed direction and slowly shuffled towards the car.

Tom rolled down the window "Buddy, get out of the road!" but the man was obviously beyond reason like Rachael had been. Infected, or something. No longer a man but something else. Tom carefully drove around it. It tried to follow the car but lost interest as the car rounded the next corner.

The evening had started clear, but as time went on, rain clouds began to move in. The apartment building that his friend resided in came into view, Tom noticed that it was beginning to rain. It gathered on his windshield and contorted the images of the buildings around him. The rain was like uncertainty, only adding to a situation that was already impossible to understand.

It was just that evening he had been watching a TV show with the love of his life. Since highschool. That life was gone now.

Now he was some sort of shotgun toting renegade? He didn't understand, but how could he? This wasn't some stupid movie. He was real.

As Tom parked in front of Nick's apartment door, he looked around through the rain. There were figures off in the distance, walking slowly through wet grass in wet clothes. Everything was soaked already. Wet with confusion. Wet like the milk on his back.

nice job keep it up!

maybe u can publish a book...lol...
i like the story....keep it up....thx...

awesome work. especially since its free

any specific passages you guys like? I would like some specific examples. I'm trying to improve my writing and specific feedback is much more useful than only praise. Thanks for the positive comments though, i really appreciate them.

you keep the same style throughout the whole story, and its a good style. just keep writing and as soon as something's a little less good we'll let you know ;P

just enjoy the praise for now

"a good style" What do you like specifically about the style?

Tom didn't want to get wet but he didnt have a choice. He contemplated honking the horn, but he didnt want to risk drawing the attention of anyone else but his friend. The area was relatively clear, the nearest person being a hundred yards away, but he remained cautious anyway. He opened the door and grabbed the 12 gauge Ithica, leaning over it so that he could shield his weapon from the rain.

He hurriedly made his way to Nick apartment door. He knocked 3 times and while he waited he looked around nervously. Noise came from within and then he heard Nick's voice, "Who is it?"

"Tom."

He opened the door quickly without question and pulled Tom inside. As soon as Tom was in, Nick shut the door and bolted it.

"Great to see you man, can you believe this?" asked Nick. The TV could be heard in the background. An anchorman was reporting on mass violence and infection. Suggesting the public stay at home and away from the bitten. "They think it might be a terrorist attack. An engineered virus or something." Tom stared blankly at the screen. He didn't answer.

They stood in silence for a few minutes. Rain coursed down the windows of Nick's tidy apartment. The sky was darkening quickly. He noticed Tom was carrying a shotgun but didn't bother asking about it. He knew the answer just by looking at his solemn expression, but felt obligated to ask anyway: "Tom... Where's Rachael?"

yet another good passage

i like the dramatic like style of it, the feel of the charracters dispair, and the way they dont know what to do.

the pace of the story though isnt all that high. its absolutely perfect for a lets say 20 chapter book, but at the moment i get the feeling your not even 1/4th of the way of chapter 1.

the good things i already mentioned, you have a good way of having the reader *feel* the charracters dispair and confusion.

even tough its early in the story, you should start adding elements of action. something unexpected.

BOOYAH

Hehehe love this soo much it's almost scary

*smiles* I am liking this more and more Foxtrot... I don't mean to sound arrogant in any way but it's because you write with a similar style to me... Things like the slow evolution of their ideas, their thoughts on what had happened, the way you actually see them working things out word by word. Also the dramatic moments that end a passage; "Tom... Where's Rachael?".

I'm enjoying this, keep it up! Once you've finished tom's story, or a chapter of it, let me know and I'll make a locked and pinned topic out of it with no replies breaking up the flow. This will really get people hooked to the feel of the mod when they browse the forums for the first time, so I am sure the Ironoak team will be very greatful for your work.

Agreed