TuesDay: 300 Hours

"Listen Up Soldiers, We have had a Report Of So Called 'Undead' In an aera called Hevean's Gate, the city has been placed under a heavey quarentine to keep the Undead from spreading, Alpha Team Will be Moving in first" Siad General Sanders
[I]Great that ment us[I]

Im Nick Burton, Most People call me dead-eye because of my skill with a simple rifle, well that what you get for growing up with a 22 caliber rifle in stead of a Teddy-Bear. The Past Was In the Past this is Now, yeah the undead stories are true. Hell before the Breiafing the showed us a vide-o of one eating a human, That still huants me. From waht i've heard our job is to be dropped of in a Black Hawk, Get as many survivoirs as we can out of there then let the Air Force do there job.

Tuesday: 800 hours

Everything haven't has been going as planned, The first man to tkae a step of the 'copter was eaten alive, sure we fired at them thats what we are trianed for, but when you whatch one of your best friend get eaten alive, You jsut sit there. I pulled myself to gether and i realized taht he was going to die, he was my best friend, and i would have hated for him to have suffered. I shot him right in the heart. That Stop the zobies from ripping him apart, but now they were eating him. "Get Us Out Of Here!" I screamed to the Avaitor. He gave me the Tumbs up sign and we lifted up Leaving my friend's mangaled corpce jsut lying there. i knew what to do. Private Jackson Jumped on The Gatlin Gun And fired AWay. I Riped a Pinable grenade of my vest and said "Good-bye buddy" I pulled the Pin and threw it into the Crowed of Zombies.
We Flew AWay from that mess. When the Aviator said "WE got a Problem, The roter is damaged."

[I]damn[I]

I took out my Binoclears and look for a clear spot to land. Could it Be? Yes it Is! There Was a Camp fire on top of a huge sky Scraper. There were human around it Holding up i sign that red in big black letters "HELP" I showed the Avaitor WE landed on the building.
A man came up to us as soon as we shut of the roter and siad "Wait what the heck are you doing?" I answered "Roter is damaged, sorry looks liek all of us are stuck here now."

[B]From then on we have been stuck on this Sky Scraper that sceems to be a Giant MAll about 30 survivoirs are here, We have guns, alot, we have enough food, To bad that the first man to die was the menachanic, or else we cpoould have been out of here. But WE were try to fix the Roter when an Electrix fire broke out and damged the hole Flight Controls. We managed to get of the Big Guns and put them on the highest point of the mall and one at the entracne. Till back up arrives, We are screwed....[B]

It would have been nice of you to go through and clean it up a bit. But you can't ignore some great writing in there. I liked it a lot. Simple descriptions like "i pulled out a pineapple grenade" I liked it.

Woot FoxTrot siad my Story was good, My life is complete.

Reason why i ahven't been writing this story!!!!
NEED MORE FEED BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday: 1400 Hours.

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In the last few days we have lost 20 suvivors and 3 soldiers. Thats 23 too many. I remeber when Paterson got bitten, noone knew waht to do, i mean he was jsut a kid, 16 at the most, obvisly lied to the recruiter. We tied him down to a chair, he was screaming for us to let him go, then Corparal Barns came in. Carrying a Shiney black metal Desert Eagle, He pulled the hammer back and slid a single long slender round in the chamber. He walked into the room where Paterson was everyone left the room Except for Barns and Paterson. We stood thier in the silence then we heard a Paterson scream "No don't, Please i beg you NO NO Please GOd DOn't!!!!!!! Please no no no PLE---" He was cut off by a gunshot. Barns walked out of the room. I walked into the room. The image was burned onto the back of my brian, Paterson sitting there his hands in fists, mouth wide open, hlaf a head missing and him twiching for 10 secounds when i finally saw enough and walked out of the room.

Thursday 1900 Hours.

"Nick wake Up, come on Nick wake up!!!!!!!" I was awakon by that saying, I opened my eye to make out a Shadowy figure stand infront of me. I grabbed my 9mm and pointed at it head. Good thing my vision cleared up or else Jackson would have been dead. "Jackson, what is it?" I asked. "You hae to see it for yourself." I got up and Followed Jackson to the roof.
Holy shit

There were more zombies then ever but thats not what so wierd. Planes flying over head drqaggin a big tarp that Read in HUGE letters QUERRENTINED
it was backwards oof corse so that you could see it from the out side.
Awwwwww Shit, they forgot about us
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MORE TO COME!!!!!!!BLARGH!

WHAT THE FUCK,
MORE FEED BACK!

This is a really good story! I agree with FoxTrot.

And for the love of god. Stop hacking me! {jk}

see weed make yoou paraniod
I know.......

Go away *crawls under a blanket and pulls it over his head, you see smoke coming threw the blanket.*
Go away you Nazis!

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Any moderator or admin
please delete alucards post...............

ok here: feed back feed back feed back feed back. lol



ok seriously this story rox my sox

it was pretty good........in fact....... i liked it!

You've got a really good plot and storyline and you described the seen with the infected private really well. Although with all your stories I read there is one thing, except from your spelling. ATMOSPHERE, the only place i felt any was in the scene with the infected private and even that was lacking. I'm going to sound like a school teacher here. YOUR 5 SENSES, describe what you hear, see, smell,taste and feel. For example, in a clash with the zombies you should say that you could taste the rotting flesh of the zombies as they drew closer. Their resounding footsteps struck fear through the men, something like that.

Describe the surroundings, the story would have been so much better if you described the surroundings as dreary and dark and to some extent ruined.

it aint over!