Ravenholm in HL2 is the best, most unsettling zombie game (even though its only a section and theyre really aliens) ever - uh, except brainbread...yeah

and heh, thanks for the compliment.

....*yawn*...yeah i guess ill add more.. only got half-an hour left to stay up (school= ultimate gayness) so yeah here it goes.

Operation:Necropolis prt.10
---------------------------------
Blinding light.
"Hah! is the girly awake yet?"
Pvt.Coyle stood above him his eyes scrutinizing Andrew.
"Wake up, we touch down in ten.To kick some zombie ass! if your done crying that is."
Crying.....what was eh talking about?
"Lay off Coyle the man has had a rough time! but i garuntee he has been in more engagments then you."
Lt.Anderson stared down at Coyle.
Coyle backed off
"Sure thing Lt. no problem"
Coyle went to the back sulkily.
"Sorry about that son, he hasnt been in any engagements this will be hsi first.
Hopkins raised an eyebrow.
"We trained him,but he wasnt in the military before "they" came..."
"Oh."

The combined squads prepped their gear. Pvt. Andrew Hopkins was surprised to find he still had his .44 S&W. He remembered when he found it. Just after Williams had started to lose it.(Cold, faded, eyes) Tears came unbidden to Andrew's eyes. He must have been crying in his sleep because his eyes hurt....his headache only added to that theory.He checked his Mp10 it was in perfect working order. He had just finished checking the last of his gear when the plane touched down. The pilot spoke.
"I will be here for four hours! any longer without radio communication and I will leave you here! Good luck in finding those Brits!"

The combined squads piled out. The LZ was clear. Nothing stirred within the airport. Twenty minutes later the airport had been cleared and they were on their way to the last known location of the Brittish Platoon. The entire city seemed to be empty. They neared a hotel three blocks down from the whitehouse,the last known CP of the missing platoon. It was eerily silent. The squads moved in beta formation moving as a single coordinated unit with overlapping fields of fire. Nothing. Sgt.Hanks roared has they neared the hotel itself.
"Okay you lucky bastards who are part of my squad we are entering that building in search of maps,papers,diarys,any clue as to were they went! oh and Coyle you get to coem with us,this being your first tiem and all,thought you could use the excercise!" Smiling Hanks waved the rest of them forward.
Has he entered the building he heard Lt.Anderson and his squad securing the street.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It had been two hours since they landed, according to Hopkin's watch. They had found very little.No Zombies no bodys, no nothing. not even a place were a CP would have been. They were heading onto the roof. From the outside of the building you could see a fence had been added along the rim of the building. So they had no clue what to expect.
"Hopkins you take point! Ill take rear!"
Hopkins bent forward reaching for the doorknob.
He looked back and saw the others behind him crowding the small stairway,Garnett even gave him a look.
He turned the handle.
He heard a loud boom.
He was confused,He could see a gun on a chair,it looked like a Brittish rifle, he couldnt remember the name. it was pointing at his midsection.He stepped out into the open plaza,pushing the gun out of the way.It was clear, In fact it seemed-
The ground was so soft. Some sort of cement.
He heard screams
"Oh my GOD! hes been shot!"
"MAN DOWN!!!"
"DAMNIT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!!"
Williams was standing there looking down at him.
"Get up Andrew! Its not time for you to got to bed silly!"
"But Im...so..-
Black.

Voices.
"My name is Jennifer Coronson I am a comunnications officer for the Royal Marines."
"Were is the rest of your platoon, officer?"
"They-whisper-so then they -whisper-"
He couldnt hear them...why were they whispering? He ehard Garnett and Coyle talking.
"What the hell did she set a trap up at the door for? Now not only is he insane he's got metal in his gut."
He heard the sound of hand on flesh, and a distinct "OW!"
"Listen here you little..."
Hes right Ive failed....Williams and Jacobs....Dead...why wasnt he?...stupid...stupid...hell...why not join them now, the pain was unbearable. He closed his eyes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*CRACK-CRACKA-CRACKA-CLICK-CLICK-click*
"Oh my god they are everywhere!"
Andrew saw that he was on a stretcher, Coyle was standing next to him, trying to reload his m4 assault weapon.
A Young man in a bloodied suit tried to introduce Coyle to lady death.
*CRACKOW!!!*
The pain.
Andrew found he had some how stood up and drawn his sidearm. He didnt remember...the zombie lay at Coyle's feet. Yet he was still relaoding his weapon, staring at Andrew in awe.
"WHa!? but...
Andrew looked at the chaos unfolding before them. He recognized they were in a building across the street from the hotel. He saw the others outside firing. He stepped out behind the make-shift barricade they had formed. The pain in his abdomen ripped through his entire body he could barely walk.One thought ran through his mind.No more would die. His Mp10 was nowhere to be seen. He took aim with the .44
Five shots. Three zombies. Not bad.
He dumped the spent shells from the cylinder,Grabbing fresh ones from a pouch he had gotten at the base,full of .44 rounds. He quickley reloaded.

Sgt. Hanks roared firing his M9 Benelli from the hip into an unfortunate zombie.

Lt.Anderson and Garnett worked as a team,Garnett spraying lead from her M249 in bursts, whil Lt. Anderson got any that managed to get close.

The rest of Lt.Anderson's squad was no-where to be seen.

He heard loud shouting next to his ear then some one was pulling him torwards the house.

"What the hell get off of me!"
"In your condition!? you should be laying down! your making the internall bleeding worse!"

It was the Brittish Communications officer, Jennifer was her name? She had short-cropped blonde hair,her uniform had been unzipped enough to see her well-formed collar bone. She was nothing short of Beautifull. Her shining blue eyes seemed to penatrate his soul.Thats nice faggot there are things to shoot, so get to it! His mind disagreed with his eyes.
"DAMNIT WOMAN I AM TRYING TO DO SOMTHING!"
"SO AM I! NOW SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!!"
Andrew complied. Within five more minutes the battle had ended. Jennifer was a lot nicer now that she had "tamed" her patiant,who sat a little bewildered and let her readjsut the bandages on his stomache wound.Intense pain flared up.Andrew gasped.
"DAMN! that hurt! what are you doing!?"
"Shut the hell up or this will hurt ALOT more!"
"Well ar'nt we in a pleasant mood today?"
She just gave him a look, then broke out lauging.
"You are one stange little boy."
"Boy!? Ill have you know that I....uh...hey whats that needle for?"
"Scared of a little needle?" She grinned as she pulled a needle out of its packaging
"Yeah actually I am." Andrew said has he edged away from her,then the pain lanced through his whole body.
"Thats nice." She grabbed hsi arm roughly
The needle penatrated his arm.
End.

I like the fractured structure, conveys his confusion.
Maybe you could have done more with his injury; he gets up walks around etc without feeling pain until she starts adjusting the bandage. Something like he starts fighting then when the adrenaline runs out he collapses to the floor...
No one seems to be too put out by the booby trap injuring one of the squad, could have explored that in a little more detail (especially andrews reaction to it - no one likes getting shot )
When you have dialogue - an actual conversation between characters such as andrew and jennifer - try describing the expressions/actions that they have whilst talking more. Like:
"Scared of a little needle are you?" A small, mocking smile appeared on her face.
"Yeah actually I am" Andrews grimaced as he looked at the shining syringe.
"Thats nice" she reached over and grabbed his arm

Dont be so hesitant with punctuation when people are talking. Use more commas and full stops to create more of an imitation of actual speech - people usually talk in short sentences - though dont go too far and place lots and lots everywhere.
Uh, instead of "Intense pain flared up. Andrew gasped." try more like 'Andrew gasped as intense pain flared up"

And just a few spelling mistakes which dont seem like typos; tryed= tried, only one L in beautiful and internal, the apostrophe in "aren't" goes instead of the o in not (not instead of the e in are), nowhere is all one word, "Damnit" is usually "Dammit"...

This is a good story though, with an interesting plot so far, and you use grammar punctuation and spelling effectively - just need to polish it off a little.

Omg! suck it! you author bugging whore! "more detail. blah blah blah!! need better sectance structure!! blah blah blah...LOL ok Ill fix some of thsoe errors updating now...its Comm Apps hour so yeah...BORING!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah I edited it ...during Channel one. sooooo gay..anyway ill get to work on it later tonight with the next section.

Heh, I didnt mean you to go back and edit your posts, I just meant keep it in mind from now on

good story I enjoyed reading it

keep it going

and all the errors so far TheBlazeUK already pointed out

Sorry Guys...I was typing and twice I accidentally deleted it. So yeah I took a loooong break before I destroyed my comp. well here's part 11.

Operation:Necropolis prt.11
---------------------------------
Pvt.Hopkins lay on the cot,bewildered, they had made it back to the private jet, Jennifer had told him that the surviving members of her squad had gone to alaska to NASA's secret launch facility. They had secured it,allowing the president to be launched into orbit. She never told him why she was left behind. He sighed. Why did this always happen to him? She had fallen for Coyle. He could hear them talking in back. Only faintly, not understanding a word they were saying.

"You okay Soldier?"
"I...I Think.."
"Your extremely lucky...the double barreled shotgun's second barrel malfunctioned"
"Why did she set up that trap?"
"She was afraid the zombies would interfere with her transmitions,she lost all four memebers of her security force only three hours earlier."
"Sarge..it hurts...."
"I know son, do you need some morphine?"
"Please."

One shot later Andrew was knocked out, sprawled on his cot.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is he okay?"
"He should be."
Voices.
He opened his eyes he was back at the base, in the medical building, Two nurses were talking over the sounds of gunfire.
"Whats going on?!"
"The base is under attack,we have to move you."
"Damn right! Get me to the armory!"
One of the nurses shook her head.
"You are in no condition to-
Suddenely they heard screams,and two zombies entered the room.
Both nurses drew their sidearms.
*TAT!-TAT!-TAT!*
One of the things fell under they're combined fire. The second moved forward, four more shots rang out, it fell.
"OH SHIT LOOK DOWN THE HALL!"
Looking past one of the nurses Andrew could see about a dozen milling down the hall. Each of the nurses grabbed an end his stretcher, and picked him up, he heard gunfire and more zombies fell. Suddenly a loud *WHAPOOM* split the air. The hallway was filled with smoke, two soldiers ran through.
"CMON! THE BASE IS FALLING!"
The nurses ran to the door, one turned and grabbed somthing off of the table, she gave it to Andrew, it was his .44, she also gave him his pouch of ammunition.
They made it to one of the choppers,He was dragged aboard. The others piled in. He glanced down at the once proud base. It was in flames, the zombies must of hit the fuel depot. The artillary was destroyed, all the buildings were burning. Still, Andrew could count at least six other choppers. Most had Humvees dangling from airlift platforms. The remenants of Gold Platoon left in a flurry of minigun fire, the choppers avenging the fallen marines.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew sat, looking the others over.
One of the soldiers had a scar running from the bottom of his cheek down to his angular chin. His tag read "Pvt.Mellington" His dark blue eyes pierced the night.

Both Nurses sat talking,one was relativley young, probably just out of training, she had red hair, bright green eyes and an optimistic smile. Her tag read "Pfc.Raynolds" The other nurse was an older lady,she was pretty average dark brown hair, Light brown eyes, and a smirk permanantly etched across her face.

The last soldier was young, he was stroking an older m60 machine gun. His Helmet struck a shadow across his features. His name tag read "Cpl. Matthews

Suddenly a comotion sounded from the pilots.
"This is Bravo 2-1-19! MAYDAY MAYDAY WE ARE LOSING ALTITTUTE!! REPEAT MAYDAY MAYDAY-
Then explosions,then black.
----------------------------------------------------------
The survivors found themselves in a forest, the pilots were dead, the front end of the craft had hit a large rock. The older lady was dead.Matthews,Mellington,and Reynolds all survived, miracously(?) none of them had injuries.
Andrew stood bracing himself against a tree. Mellington had picked up the m60 wich had been thrown clear of the wreckage. Reynolds was shaking, she looked down at her fellow nurses' body, it was twisted at an odd angle, were a piece of metal had gone clear through the top of her head, and down into her body.
Suddenly an in-human howl split the air.
End.

The End??? Its going to be over like that?

Miraculously you almost got it

Good post though, especially if you had to retype it twice

no! its not even close to the end. end of that chapter. anyhow Im glad you like it Ill continue whenever I can...New games mean new stuff to do.

wow one this is so much better then my crappy darklord story..........

Nikku do I have to physically beat you? Seriousley yur Darklord story owns mine. end of discussion.

lol i cant belive we are having a fight saying " Do you want me to Beat you up, Ur story pwns mine" lol funniest argement evar, ur story pwns

LMAO that IS funny.

C'mon, c'mon, I want more!

...uh? you want more? ok.well not now. Its computer graphics...Ill type more lata tonight.