here are the weapons in my story, some mentioned some not yet




[Aren't All weapons!]

(Note: Didn't mean to triple post!)
Holy Shit
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Holy Shit was the only thing that could describe what what was going on. Tons of prisoners at the door, they look like they are in a trance, staring off into an endless void. Every once and a while i here in a hissing voice "Flesh", with the E and the SH carried out. All the priosners Me and Tex left in were sitting in a circle talking. Tex was fidling with the MP5SD he found. He had only 3/4 full magazine, and 2 more. I was armed with the shiv Tex gave me. I walked over to the Circle of 5 prisoners. "So I siad, That WAs No goat!, Ahahaha" said a short, short bristely hard man. I walked over and sat down next to a Hispanic looking man, with a spanish looking mustache, and short hair. "Hey, bro what is your name?" He siad looking at me. "Erik" I replied. "Ok well I am Pedro" He siad in a hispanic accent.

Pedro: "Yeah bro, Thats Bill, Harry, and well His name is Smokey, oh I allmost forgot Twitch."

He pionted to a Normal looking man, with black hair, brown eyes, and a tatoo of a skull on his right arm. Then pointed to a man with glasses, so short hair i couldn't even tell the color, and five-o'clock shadow.next he pointed to a man with dark sun glasses, an tipical americian hunter's mustache, a long un-natural scar running down from his right eye curving down to his chin. Finally, He pointed to a kid that looked about 16, Meduimn lenth hair, and all ways had a little 'Twich' in him, like blinking his right eye every 15 secounds.

I looked at Perdo and asked "So, uh What are you, uh in for?"

Pedro: "Armed Robbery, 12 times."

I looked to Bill and asked the same thing.

Bill: "Eh, Smuggling. Mostly drugs, illegal weapons, imagrants."

I asked Harry also.

Harry: "Murder, I killed my boss, he was an ass fuck.

I could relate to that.

I looked to smokey who had a lit cig in his mouth, "So eh, what about you smokey?"

Smokey: "Arcinism, I also set off a few home made bombs, I mean jsut for fun. It wasn't my fuckin' fualt thoose kids were on my lawn."

I asked twitch also.

Twitch answered in a Twitchy voice: "Heh, Hakcing."

It then got uncomferabtely quiet. WE talked for a little bit more, then got some sleep. Tex whatched the door all night to be safe.

"Harry: Murder, I killed my boss, he was an ass fuck."

lol, i cant stop laughing from that lol.. good storry nikku, keep goin with it its great

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lookin good.

thats what them "Super Soldiers" kinda look like different coloring tho

etided

Interesting, got a few good jokes too.

By the way, i added you on messenger.

kool,
let hear them jokes, If they aren't going to be in ur story

Eh?

If you could put awesomeness in a can, it would be, and you'd be the one opening it right now. Great job, keep it up.

that was like, the coolest thing anyone evr said

It could use some better spell checking, and more description. I noticed a relatively short variety to the authors vocabulary, and while not necessarily required to write a good story, I find the kind of story he's trying to write suffers from underdescription and redundancy. Though I do have to say I enjoy the setting and the overall atmosphere being created here, I would enjoy it even more if the spelling and grammar were cleaned up more so.

Of course, realizing the fact that it seems the majority of these forums are ESL (English Second Language), it might not be too easy, in which case, the best attempt possible would be appreciated.

i find it myself to be plentey discriptive, and you Do not have to say I Have limited vocabulary, Mabey it's Kind of HOW THE MAIN charater talks? Suffers from redundancy my ass, I used a fucking thesurus. You act like you are the BEST writer ever.

QUOTE

I find the kind of story he's trying to write

Shut The Fuck Up. Im not TRYING to write anthing, I am writing a story that many people like.

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