Emergancy responce - Part one |
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Emergancy responce - Part one| BooHoo |
Posted: January 16, 2005 11:28 pm
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 Rotten Meat Group: Members Posts: 1 Joined: January 16, 2005  |
very good Story ever think of making a book on it comic or something
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| Radman |
Posted: January 17, 2005 05:13 pm
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
lol didnt think I was that good. -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
 'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| homer |
Posted: January 18, 2005 11:05 pm
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Just another Survivor Group: Members Posts: 29 Joined: January 16, 2005 |
its pretty good, go on, go on
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| Radman |
Posted: January 19, 2005 12:33 am
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
I tightly clasped the cold metal barrel of the shotgun, as I carefully proceeded down the moonlit streets. All was quite and I hadnt seen a creature since i left the wreckage of my patrol car. Tall inner city buildings menacingly towered over the road; I could only imagine what horrors lurked inside them. I then heard a noise coming from one of the alleyways and turned sharply. At first i couldnt see anything, but then an all too familiar sight greeted me. It shuffled and stumbled in my direction, I pumped the shotgun and took aim.
"screw it..." I said Before running off down the street, all the while turning round to see if the creature was following. It slowly gave chase for a few seconds, but then stopped and stumbled off in the opposite direction. I gave out a faint dry laugh and continued walking down the empty street. Considering the circumstances everything seemed calm in this part of the city. Cars where neatly parked by the side of the road and rubbish bags where left outside door steps for the phantom bin men to collect them the next morning, the whole thing seemed pretty surreal. Hoards of disfigured, flesh eating 'things' take over town and everything seemed so picture perfect, laid out fresh and ready for the next day. Ahead of me a saw a blue saloon car, its headlights where on, so the keys must be in the ignition. "Finally some luck" I whispered I ran over to the drivers door, but it was locked. "What the hell?" I peered through the dark tinted window and couldnt see a thing. Then out of nowhere something jumped forward out of the back seat, smashed the window and grabbed my shirt. Its strength seemed surprisingly powerful considering a chunk of its arm was missing, it was pulling me closer towards its blood stained teeth. 'JESUS CHRIST!.' I screamed In the struggle i dropped my Shotgun and couldnt pick it up, So I reached for my pistol strap but i couldnt undo it. I was slowly being pulled closer and closer to its gnashing jaws. I fiddled with the strap in desperation, to reach my pistol but I still couldnt open it! I was now only inches away from its face, the smell of decaying flesh was overwhelming. I had to do something; I raised my right arm, clenched my fist and smacked its bloody, featureless face in the jaw. It gave out a moan, I pulled my hand back and smashed it in the face again. There was a horrible sound of cracking bone, it let go and i fell backwards. Shaken but relieved i picked up my shotgun and fired, what was left of its face exploded in a mass of gore. I looked at my hand, and saw it was covered in congealed blood and dried skin, I stared at it for a few seconds in disgust before getting up and walking over to the headless corpse laid awkwardly in the car. I reached through the broken window, pulled up the lock and opened the door, wipeing the unsightly mess which covered my hand on to the tatted creatures clothing. I stared at the gorish-bloody splat on the passenger window for a few seconds before pulling the remains of my attacker out of the car and dumping him on the road. Somewhat relieved I was still alive, and the fact that i now had transport again I gave out a sigh of relief before turning the keys in the ignition. The car roughly started, and gave out a cough but at least it was running. I hit the accelerator and carried on down the road, which still seemed pretty empty. I was now beginning to arrive in the new re-development area of the city, glass offices, and tall metal, concrete apartments lined the road in neat straight lines. It was here that i finally realised why Swat team 6 had chosen this section of town to hold out in. The luxury apartments here where surrounded by high security fences and Newbelt Green had a mass of its own security personnel, who had enough fire power to hold out on their own for awhile. I turned the next T-Junction, ahead of me and could just make out a sign. 'Welcome to Newbelt Green, the future in urban housing.' I then saw the flashing lights of a police Vehicle , i could only hope there was someone left to greet me. -------------To be Continued----------- -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| Radman |
Posted: January 19, 2005 11:42 am
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
well....
what do you guys think? -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| Elite viking |
Posted: January 19, 2005 03:41 pm
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 Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
I think this is a very good story. Can't come up with something to improve right now, but make sure it stays interesting and action filled. Also, Id like to see a few friendlies eventually.
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| Radman |
Posted: January 19, 2005 03:58 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
He's just arrived at the SWAT team barricade... So dont worry, you'll get friendlies and ALOT more action. (I have a really good end scene planned, im just trying to find a way i can build up tension in order to properly execute it.) -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| Elite viking |
Posted: January 19, 2005 04:25 pm
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Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
Gleee! |
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| Weeshow |
Posted: January 19, 2005 04:52 pm
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Just another Survivor Group: Members Posts: 22 Joined: December 30, 2004 |
Don't listen to what Elite Viking said about friendlies, make sure that he ends up all alone, otherwise the stroy will just end up like all the others on the board.
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| Elite viking |
Posted: January 19, 2005 05:12 pm
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Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
i am the only one left. totally, utterly alone. everyone is dead but me. i can stand against hell all alone. Me, a cop with some guns lives to fight, but the S.W.A.T s with their armor and shields and heavy weapons died. funny.
I just think that in a city( or black mesa, for that sake),there are usually some people that team up during a crisis. Ability to survive against a whole city of flesh eaters is greatly reduced when all alone. Say, perhas 3-4 are still alive and team up with our man. I 'm not talking a whole platoon here, just a few ones. Later he could become all alone, but in the start there are still a lot of people alive. |
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| Radman |
Posted: January 19, 2005 07:20 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
As I slowly pulled the car up to the large iron gates, I caught a glimpse of three figures running across the concrete surface within the apartment complex.
"Hello?" I yelled I slowly walked over to the gates and gave them a firm tug, however they where padlocked shut. I then stopped and peered through the iron bars which partially obstructed my view of the apartment courtyard. Inside there was a parked armoured van lighting up the area with its flashing emergency lights. However i could no longer see the three figures, so i turned my back and decided to see if i could find another entrance into the dimley lit complex. It was then that i heard the cock of weapon behind me. "Turn round... Slowly.." a voice barked. I slowly span around, to see three men in heavy armour pointing automatic weapons at me, one of them was holding a torch and aimed it at my face. The intense light made my eyes squint in pain. "He's been bitten... Look at his uniform!" The one with the torch shouted. I opened my mouth to talk but was immediately cut off. "If he's infected, we might as well save him the pain and end it now" Another voice menacingly said I jumped in shock and immediately began to correct the team of men gathered in front of me. "Woah!... Hold on a second.. This blood isnt mine" I said pointing to my gore soaked uniform. The one in the middle stepped forward towards me. He was quite tall and wearing a heavy looking blue coloured uniform with a black kevlar vest. "He isnt bitten... just been through hell to get here." He said in a humorous voice. I gave out a heavy breath of relief as the other two men hesitantly lowered their weapons. "Sorry about that... We're a little edgy, we've lost two members of our team to bite wounds." I walked forward and shook his hand. "Im Captain Ian Barker and these two are SWAT officers Dan Haybroke and Pete Myres." "Well I cant say its been the warmest of welcomes, but at least I finally got here..." I said in a relieved voice. The three men gave out a dry laugh before quickly ushering me towards the locked gate. "How did you guys get out anyway without opening the gate?" I curiously said. "The security office has another entrance into the courtyard." The men unlocked the gate and led me inside the truly massive apartment complex. The courtyard was still and quite, the only sound was coming from our footsteps as we marched across the hard concrete surface. "Did you find anyone here when you checked this place?" I questioned. "Nope.. Place was empty, makes sense though, these apartments havent been rented out yet." As we approached the double doors, i could hear the sound of a voice coming from inside the building; Ian kicked open the door and we all walked in. The first thing that hit me was the heat, this place was warm, and felt welcoming. In front of me sat a man, wearing the same blue coloured uniform as the other three, but he was talking into a mouthpiece of a command radio. "Can anyone hear me?... Over..." He droned repeatedly. "Give it a rest Frank... I dont think anyone else is coming" Pete said in a low demanding tone. "I suppose..." - He sat up and looked at me. "This the guy i talked to?" "Yeah, and we nearly shot him" Joked Pete I pulled up a chair from under a table and sat down, the team didnt seem too interested in my presence. Each was doing their own thing, Pete and Dan both lit up a cigarette and Ian was checking his MP5. I gave out a cough and the men jerked their heads up and looked at me. Ian stared at me before saying: "I dont think we caught your name... What is it?" "David Lightman..." "Ah.. Thought you patrol boys had partners?..." I dropped my head to looked at the floor, before raising it again. "Yeah... he didnt make it." The group suddenly went into a silent trance, i guessed they where thinking about the friends they had lost, I know i was. However the peace was suddenly broken, when Ian's belt radio burst to life. "Sir, this is Sniper observer one. I've got multiple hostiles moving towards the gate!" The men jumped up within seconds of hearing the word 'hostiles' grabbing their weapons as they did so. Ian turned and faced me. "Here take this" He slapped an extra pistol clip into my hand, before talking into his radio. "How many?" He barked "Too many to count sir...." --------------------To be Continued---------------- -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| Keyes |
Posted: January 19, 2005 10:07 pm
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 I'm On A Boat Group: Moderators Posts: 2264 Joined: December 04, 2004 |
lookin good...keep goin!
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| Radman |
Posted: January 19, 2005 11:18 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 448 Joined: January 13, 2005 |
All of us raced out of the double doors, holding our loaded weapons tightly and ready to fire. The terrifying sound of the low moaning filled the air, only to be broken every few seconds by the sound of gunfire coming from the apartment roof. As we came into view of the gate we saw hundreds of creatures piled up against it. Each one of the disfigured monsters attacking it with extreme ferocity.
"Jesus...." Ian murmured. Dan and Pete began to open fire with their automatic MP5's. A spray of red claret burst from each creature as the bullets ripped through them. "CEASE FIRE!..." Ian screamed Both men stopped firing and lowered their weapons. "We havent got enough rounds take them on... We can only hope the gates hold." Ben said reluctantly. I stood and stared at the crowd, the sheer number was amazing. There must've been at least hundred and fifty, maybe even two hundred. I looked back at Ian who was speaking through his radio, to the sniper on the roof. "We better get back inside and fortify the windows and doors." I said. "Yeah..." Ian replied. For a second or so Ian just stood there with a sheer look of horror on his face. He however sprang back to life with a look of determination on his face. "Ok... Pete your with me, Dan, you and Dave check the security office doors, MAKE SURE its secure. If you see ANY of those things report back immediately. NO heroics... ok?" We both gave a vague nod. "Good... Ok, Pete we're going to get as much scrap material as we can and start barricading the windows and doors. We should also park the van in front of the doorway as well." Dan and me then headed off towards the east side of the building. This area had no light and it was incredibly dark. The situation was made even worse by the constant moaning coming from the grotesque mob of monsters just metres away. "This is so fucking messed up..." Dan said in a weary voice. "Yeah..." I replied in a terrified voice. Ahead of us i could see a small cabin, the light inside it was on. Dan opened the door and to our relief there was nothing inside, but a metal desk and surveillance equipment. "Check the gate door" Dan ordered I walked over to it and turned the handle. The door was sealed tight. "Still Locked" "Ok... Help me move this desk in front of the doorway" Dan suggested, while pointing to the slightly rusted metal desk. We both grabbed separate sides and began to slide it into place. The thing was pretty solid and heavy, it would have taken another two people if we wanted to lift it up. We tipped it on its side and placed it in front of the doorway. "A little extra safety precaution" Dan said with a smile. "Lets get the hell out of here" I blurted We both stepped out of the cabin and Dan produced a set of keys on a metal key ring, He then locked the outside door. Hurryingly we both Ran back to the apartment entrance. When we got back Ian had already started up the armoured police van and was waiting for us to get back inside. We sprinted through the double doors and he reversed it into place, I peered through the small square window on the door. I could see Ian squeezing through the small gap between the wall and the van. After a few minutes he eventually got through and pushed open the door. "Ok... Now we need to secure the windows." Ian assertively ordered. Frank then appeared from a door to left holding a jar full of nails and a hammer. "I found these" Just as Frank said it, there was a tremendous crash coming from outside, and the moaning began to get louder... -------------------- When theres no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...
'They say people dont believe in heroes anymore... Well im going to give them back their hero." |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: January 20, 2005 01:51 am
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Very good m8 - still needs a little more description at points, and you're not exploiting the first person perspective enough - try expressing the emotions your guys got every now and again. Also, just a random tip - try and use more than one sense when describing certain things (e.g. how bad the dead people smell). Another thing that the 1st person perspective can use well - the sense of touch especially.
I like the large amounts of brief dialogue - pretty realistic. Alot of people (me included) forget that their characters can speak. -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| It's me |
Posted: January 23, 2005 07:32 am
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 Just another Survivor Group: Members Posts: 35 Joined: January 23, 2005 |
I like this story, please continue.
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