Chapter 5- Split up

"Who fired that -"Ashley said in a shaky voice. Suddenly there were loud moans outside and scratching against the door.

"Shit! They'RE Breaking in! Barricade the DOOR!" Scott shouted. Kylie threw a chair next to the door. While Scott moved a desk and shuved it next to the doot. Ashley slipped her hand into her hoistler and wipped out her pistol. Everyone did the same.

Scott motioned to step back. They could hear loud banging against the door.

"Listen up, we are going to seperate and see if we can find any survivors or the mayor. Move!" Scott ordered the rest of his team. Ashley nodded with fear. Kylie took the closest door { quickly } while Scott took the door Joey had entered. Ashley took the door upstairs...

As scott closed the door behind him. He could only hope Joey was still alive. He walked through the dim hallway and smelled something sour. He wrinkled his nose and frowned.

"What is that stench?" He wondered. His question was soon answered as he looked towards the door flung open. Lying on the floor was a person. Scott saw a puddle of blood formed near him. Two bullit holes were in his head. The creature stared at Scott, his eyes wide open. Scott raised his Bretta and pointed it at the abomination.

He pulled the trigger and smacked two rounds into its head. The creature did now move, meaing he was dead. Scott walked towards the room and peeked around the corner. With horror he saw Joey slumped against the wall. He jogged towards his body nd knely beside him. He felt a surge of anger rush through him.

Joey was dead. There would be no more corny jokes from the Bravo anymore. Not even his great smile and cute grin. His head hung low as he held something in his fingers.

A book Scott slipped the books from his pale fingers and saw bloody hand prints on the pages. He read entries describing the mansion being swarmed and everyone being killed. He looked back to Jory then the diary. He slipped the diary into his vest. He also took the Bretta in his hostiler.

Scott stood up from his position and looked towards his shoulder. A chunk had been tooken off. Scott could tell the wound was fresh too. He slipped the radio from Joey's pouch and slipped it into his.

"May God be with you and I hope you are in Heaven Amen" Scott said in a wisper. He turned his back and walked to the room with the dead creature. He saw a mess of papers along the desk...He sat down next to the chair and read the following entries...

After he was done reading he stood up from the chair and walked out of the room to the other side of the hallway...

How would he and his Team fight against an army of the dead?

noooooo! first fatality! likin it, keep it goin!

More Comments!

I like this a lot, but I agree with others that sometimes the similarities with Re may get a little too much. As for spelling:
It's a Beretta not Bretta
Its Except
Its A house A dog AN animal (A before abcdfghjklmnpqrstvwxz, An before aeiouy)

As Blaze said, sometimes you punctuate. At places you dont need. To place dots.

This is just nitpicking, like your writing style. Keep goin!

Please keep writing!

Excuse me, I've caught the flu { Common Cold } and am to ill to write. I also have an fever.

Uh won't be writing for a couple of days...

Sorry to hear it, hope you get well soon
Just sit back in your fav chair, have a nice cup of hot chocolate while tucked in a blanket, watch the fireplace, and chill...
And when better write more story

This post has been edited by Elite viking on February 24, 2005 11:45 pm

So you have a chronic, never-ending flu or what, I'm still waiting!
Come on please, you can't sit with your hot chocolate and blanket by the fireplace forever...

I am still sitting in my chair! Now I'm eating girl scout cookies.

The story will contiunue in a couple of days { Maybe 1 or 2 }

The nightmare contiunes!
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Chapter 6- Choices,Choices...
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Scott walked silenty down the dim hallway. He scanned everything that happened making sure he wasn't going to die. He held a grudge against these 'things' that had killing his good friend.

He wasn't going to let that same fate happen to him...

Ashley's fear had gotten to her now, everything that she thought was scary made her shiver. She had even wasted a couple of bullits on shadows!

"So far so-------" Her small chat was interupted as she heard a faint moan coming from the corrider. She whipped her Bretta out and listened closely. Suddenly out of the shadows, a large figure stumbled towards her. Its moan filling the hallway.

Ashley took two steps closer, but saw that noone wanted to see, the figure stepped into the moonligh exposing its being. A figure..no the thing that defined the laws of life and death. Its eyes rolled back into its head, Ashley saw his torn clothes and a big wound on its neck.

Ashley took notice of fluids dripping down its motuh, until she realized it was drooling...She smacked three rounds into the things upper rib cage. The pistol jumped in her hands as she fired each shot.

The thing fell against the wall and slid down. It spasmed and died with a small moan that sent a shiver down Ashley's spine.

"Ok,Ok, the thing is dead, calm down..."Ashley tried to calm herself down, but could not keep herself from screaming. It was her worst nightmare, and she knew that they must get the hell out of the house. She shivered one last time and let out a huge scream that echoed throughout the house...

"What was that scream!?" Kylie said aloud. She heard someone scream through the mansion. Kylie scanned the library she was in and saw nothing to her use.

Just some books, The Time Machine, Robin Hood, and Frankenstein were just some of the books laying on the table. Each book was opened to a page, which were the exact pages. Kylie noticed each page of the three books being opened to 47.

She raised her eyebrows at why someone had gone to do this. She felt cold from killing rgose innocent people back there in the dining room. She shivered as she thought back to killing the small child and couple. They seemed innocent at first...Alive, but once their faces were exposed. They were just another of those creatures...

"What the" Kylie said as she noticed a key lying in page 47 in the book Frankenstein. A small silver thing glinted in the dim room. She walked near the desk and saw that it was a key. She scooped it up and slipped it into her left pouch.

What was this key for? Where was the rest of the team?

So many questions left unanswered...

Feedback and Contructive Critsim on how I should do the next chapter!

Chapter 7- Secrets
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Kylie saw an door about 10 feet from the desk. She walked near it taking slow,steathy steps. She slipped her hand into her hoistler and withdrew her Bretta. She slowly grasped the door knob and turned it.

*Click, Click* Kylie realized that the door was locked! She glanced down to her left pouch and took a deep breath. She took the key out and put it in the keyhole. She once again turned the door knob as the door swung open.

Kylie coughed from the musty air that came through the room, she raised her bretta and peeked inside. The room seemed safe, but she still had to be careful.

She walked inside the room and saw a Winchester Shotgun laying on a cot in the room. Near it was a piece of paper with some writing on it, she took a step towards the bed and picked the paper up. It read,

I have locked myself into my small office. To hide from those creatures that roam the halls of our once peaceful mansion. I have taken my Winchester shotgun from its hiding place and plan to make a break for it and excape out of the mansion. Going out the secret tunnel in the basement. If I don't make it, I hope someone reads this small paragraph...

The key to this room will be laying in my favorite book Frankenstein, on page 47 laying on the desk outside this room in the library. There might be a few survivors left, but many of them probably have excaped through the tunnel in the basement. There are shells for my shotgun in the top-right drawer of the desk in this room. What was that!? I think I heard a scream, must investigate. Luickly I have my Grandpa's Colt.45...Will write more..when get back...

The rest was blank. That explained that man in the dining room...she had saw a pistol laying near the couch where she dropped him...If she could find the rest of the team they could excape...

Scott knew they had excape. It was time to call John White. He could get Alpha team to do a clean up operation of the mansion and the perimeter. They were some of the best in E.C.F and making erros slim indeed. He slipped the walkie-talkie out and raised the antenna. Luickly he got a sygnol.

Scott: This is Scott crimson, Captain of Bravo Team, do you copy?
John: This is John White, what is your situation?
Scott: We need help badly..Zombies! *Static* Send Alph Teammmmm *Contact lost*

"Lost him, Damn" John white said with a snap of his fingers. He had been flying over the Estate for nearly 2 hrs. He needed to get back to HQ for a re-supply of fuel. Scott had said something about zombies? It didn't make sense. That was fiction. He steered the helicopter around and proceeded back to HQ, he flipped on a switch and got a hold of Alpha team.

John: This is John white! Requesting a land at HQ for fuel and Backup of Alpha team do you copy?
Vince: This is Vince and I copy, set your bird down at HQ and I will notifie Cap. of backup needed. Over
John: Roger that. Over and Out.

John could start to see the lights of the city in the nightsky. He hoped the best for his team and that Alpha could get to the mansion in time...

Comments and Contructive Critsim please!

Hey, you're better! Good to see more parts!
Like it Just a small nitpick: its escape not excape. Apart from that, very clean from errors.