*edit* Thank you sniper, you aint such a bad guy as everyone says

Chaper 1

The blood pounded in his ears, his eyes darting left to right, scanning every shadow as he ran, the deathly quiet of the night like a physical force, pressing in on him from every angle, he tripped, of course, he hit the ground hard, breaking something in his knee, he stood up and limped, but they were on him, the horrible grasping hands, the empty eyes, he was gone in seconds....

The man put down his sniper rifle, empty, and sighed, another one didnt make it, he looked back at the group of 6 or so people ontop of the sporting goods store and walked over to join them.


Chapter 2


The sniper sat down on one of the couches they managed to drag up here, the past 10 days had been a merry-go-round of hell. He looked up at the person with the most chance of getting out of here alive, Jake Neathers, escaped convict, 37 reports of killing, 12 of them officers. He had to trust him though, strength in numbers and all that, allthough they all agreed he only went armed when they moved..they hadnt moved in days, not since they lost the other half dozen people, they see them outside every night, clawing at the barricaded doors, moaning out their pitiful moans. He drifted off, rembering.



"KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!" -the rattle of machine gun fire, an explosion in the distance- "MOVE MOVE MOVE!" he looked up and saw the grasping claws, the neverending hordes, overwhelming the barricades, he saw Lisa go down, and Jon, he was crying, he didnt realise it until later, he ran, he had no choice, there were so many...just so-so many....

He woke up with a snap, Jake was shaking him "time to move, soldier" he said mockingly, The sniper glared up at him and sat up "dont touch me" Jake just grinned and walked over to the gun he perfered, when we let him have it, allthough i begin to wonder if its not him letting us have guns, sometimes. He picked up the old revolver, a revolver.....when there's a perfectly good shotgun and mp5 not 3 ft away, i shrugged, not my problem.

We headed downstairs, soon we were assembld at the back door, our total armorments, my empty sniper rifle, my beretta9mm, the revolver, a mossberg 500, an m4 and an mp5....what a well armed lot we are...

Jake opend the door....

Chapter 3

He rembered another time, another door, another team.


"Ready?" the sgt breathed to his team of 5, there was 6, but he was gone. I nodded, and he opend the door...so fast! just so, unbeleivebly fast, before we could even fire the sarg was snatched, the creatures tearing him apart, he died bravely, i can only hope i do the same, we opend fire then, and they came apart like wet cardboard, but there was just too many, too fast, and too little of us, they got in, and snatched Phill away....


He came back to himself with a jolt, as the door creaked open, the alley was empty, the fat man, who had the shotgun (i didnt think this wise but nobody listens to an old broken down soldier) went first, sweating profusely, he looked around and nodded "its clear" he mouthed to us, Jake moved out next, still with that old revolver, "Dont Be Gentle" engraved on the barrel. Jake suddenly jumped back, a single shadow reached out, and the fat man was gone, we froze, we froze for the critical second where it could still be salvaged, where someone could still survive, where it would have matterd.

Chapter 4

Jake did not freeze though, he was too good for that, he shoved me back into the building, and managed to grab the back of another mans shirt, we fell in, Jake closed the door, there was pounding on it for a moment, but Jakes face was emotionless, his blue eyes rock hard, revealing no emotion, no compassion, the poundings on the door stopped, replaced by the screams of the dying, the rattle of the m4...and it was silent, silent but for the grotesque munching sound, the slurping, The man ontop of me shudderd and i gently took him off, he curled into a ball and wept, i looked at Jake "What the hell is wrong with you!?" He just looked at me with thoes emotionless eyes and shoved past me, grabbing the sobbing mans pants he undid the guys belt and tied a knot aroudn the door handle, tying it to the saftey rail, closing it for now. He looked at me "We have to go" he said, his voice flat, unafraid, unshaking. I just nodded and bent to pick up the crying man, but he curled into a ball and cried harder, we had to leave him, we couldint carry him....we walked away...minutes later we heard a sudden, peircing scream, and nothing....

Chapter 5

Jake dragged me into one of the storage closets, boxes of ammo tumbling around us for the few moments it took us to get settled in, we heard footsteps outside, the slow lurching footsteps of the dead. Again, i rembered.


----
We all huddled inside the security room, they were outside, they knew somehow, they always knew, smell, hearing, i didnt know. Nobody does, all we know is that they are always coming, ever hungry, i looked at the camera feeds in the storage room, the other team was being eaten, it was only us three.
----
Jake shook me "stop day dreaming, they are gone" he said in his monotone voice, i nodded and Jake cracked open the door, peeking outside, he ducked back in "No noise" he wisperd, we heard footsteps again, i rembered.

----
Footsteps outside the door, it burst open, exploded, was torn down, it didnt matter what happend, but they came, i saw atleasta hundred of them in the hallway, we fired, but we ran out, we beat them with chairs, we hit them with knives, we broke them with our bare hands, they fell, one by one, but not me, no, never me, dammit, i was always fine, unscratched, unharmed, untouched by it all.
----
Jake shook me again "stop daydreaming dammit, this is serious"
----
I finialy killed them all, shot them all, broke them all, stabbed them, beat them, crushed them, blood coverd me, all of it theres, none of it my own, the special forces came in, allmost shooting me, i looked dead, i was suprized i wasnt, i screamed and they knew i was human, they hustled me out of the building, i later learned, the only survivor out of 200, it was nation wide, it wasnt just an incident, Russia was no longer Russia, it was a blasted wasteland, Great Britan was nuked to try to prevent the infestation, it didnt work, they grew.
---
Jake nodded "they're gone now, lets go"

We headed out into the hallway....

Chapter 6

This post has been edited by The.Raver on February 18, 2005 05:14 am

Im so confused who's who?

*ah hem* If you are writing this story quickly and in small chunks like that. Either:

- Write it in a word processor and once there is a good amount of length, post it.
or
- Edit your original post or most recent post containing the story with the new information.

There is no reason to post three times with more of the story each time, in under an hour's time.

Update: Thread cleaned up at The.Raver's request:

Comments? Suggestions? Critisism? anyone?



eh...im just gonna stop writin it, nothing against you guys at all. My computer crashed about 30 minutes ago and i lost the 2 hours of writing i was doing, i have about 30 minuts of writing saved and i really dont feel like re-doing it all, i might pick it up later tho.

This post has been edited by The.Raver on February 18, 2005 11:01 pm

Good story. Realistic to a certain point (Nuking countries to prevent spread is smart), and entertaining to read.

(nuking countries to prevent spread is smart)

...sarcasm?

anyone care to comment? 100+ views and only 2-3 replies

This post has been edited by The.Raver on February 19, 2005 02:49 am

New Story. Title Later.


Chapter 1

Jason edged down the hallway, 3 steps ahead of Jessica and the rest of the Spec Ops Team. The mission was FUBAR, they had lost 23 soldiers total, and 54 civilians in the past hour, they were pulling out, the landing zone was clear but not for long, hostiles had allready started attacking the marines on guard duty, but first they had to get out of the damn underground bunker where whatever it was that started this madness was made.

Jason stopped and so did the other 6 members of the team, their all black uniforms and mp5's matching eachothers exactly, except for the two women on the team, Jason waved foward Jessica, who had the only shotgun, Mossberg 500. Jason pointed around the corner, Jessica peeked around the corner and nodded, moving up, it was time to get to work again, the shotgun roared out its entrance to anyone left alive in the building, the results were spectaculary in the confined hallway, the hostiles came apart like wet cardboard, the other members of the team watched the end of the hallway they came from, they opend fire seconds later, as hostiles came from the way they allready were. Jessica dropped to one knee to reload, and Jason moved up, firing his mp5 down the hallway to keep the enemy at bay until she could reload, not effectively enough though. Jessica jerked as a single jagged nail scraped across her hand, tearing through the thin glove and drawing blood, with a feral growl she pumped two in the freaks chest, blowing it apart, "Zombies my ass" she mutterd to herself.

15 minutes later the only things left standing were the Spec ops team, 2 members down but triumphant, Jessica took the point......

Chapter 2

Jessica looked at the scratch on her hand, coverd up because she didnt want the others to worry, the edges of it the bluegreenish color of the Infection, she coverd it quickly with her glove as Jason boarded the helicopter, the rest of the marines piled in, out of the 500 personell at the bunker, only 34 made it back alive. FUBAR wasnt a strong enough phrase for it. The helicopter roared into the air, the propellers louder than the gunshots earlier.


Paul was an unassuming man, having barely passed flight school with marks below average, but they needed everyone who could fly a bird they could get, he had just fired his first gun today, and most of the people liked him, he was nice, if clumsy. Therefore, when he felt a punch in his back he wonderd who did it...untill he looked down at his chest and realised it wasnt a punch....his vision faded as the metal pipe slid out of his stomach.

Jason looked in shock at Jessica, her formely green eyes the sick green of Infection, the bloody metal pipe dropping from her hands, He screamed a curse and fired the whole clip of his mp5 into her chest, blowing her out of the helicopter moments before it crashed, bursting into flames, the front of the helicopter gone instantly.

Chapter 3

Jason woke up with a groan...he just lay there, breathing, eyes darting from shadow to shadow, cast by the burning helicopter...burning helicopter! he cursed and dragged himself out of the helicopter, his left leg not working at all, he couldint even feel it, his right shoulder dislocated, he managed to drag his mangled self from the helicopter, gasping out each breath through a puncutured lung, seeing things through bloodstained eyes, he supposed the zombies that now swarmed the helicopter, the single scream testiment to another survivor, mistook him for one of them, he looked dead enough, he lay still for a long time...winding up on his back he didnt know how, but he stared up at the sky, rattling out his last breaths, replaying the moment when he shot Jessica over in his head....over and over.

Chapter 4

He woke with a start, a burst of gunfire, the rattle of an m4, the roar of a shotgun deafning him, he propped himself up on his good elbow and looked blearily around, the zombies dropping quickly, fresh ground forces advancing with professional detatchment, one of the men walked up to him, kneeling down he mutterd something into a radio in some forigen langauge, static answerd him, he mutterd it again and he got a response, still in some forigen langauge, Jason struggled to listen, he had heard it before, but his wounds were too much, he collapsed, his last sight was the man taking out a needle, his last feeling was it being poked into the side of his ribs.

Chapter 5

Blackness...he groaned and opend his eyes, seeing a white ceiling....he saw hands, floating hands....blackness again.

Chapter 6

He opend his eyes, this time to stay, he sat up slowly, the bedsheet falling to his waist "The hell?" he said, looking around at the pure white room, and the glass wall on the other side....with blood smeared across it, in a long line. He swung out of bed, noting that his shoulder and leg still hurt, but he could use them now. He walked quickly, the cold metal floor on his bare feet uncomftorable, he walked up to the door and pounded on it "Let me outta here" he shouted.

THUMP! he turned quickly, nearly stumbling over his own feet, a man was pounding on the glass, screaming, he ran to the door and pulled out keys, he wore a white lab coat, he fumbled with the keys, getting one in before he was burried underneath a flying...thing, Jason didnt see enough of it, the door was metal, he cursed, and the screaming stopped, he heard soft padding footsteps and the dog stared at him through the glass, perfectly normal...except for the bite mark on its hind leg, and the sickly green eyes, Jason cursed again, and the dog lept shattering the glass, he stumbled backwards against the bed he had just got out of.

Chapter 7

He fell down on his back and the dog flew over him, he quickly scrambled to his feet, snatching at anything for a weapon, coming up with the bedpan, when the dog lept again, and Jason smashed the bedpan into its head, stunning it, he quickly ran through the shatterd glass, ignoring the glass digging into his bare feet, he stumbled into the hallway, trailing blood, as the dog slowly stood up but then collapsed, the bedpan having smashed half of its skull into its rotting brain. He stumbled around a corner and ran facefirst into a shotgun, he skidded to a stop, 4 tough looking men pointing mp5's and one shotgun at him, he gulped.

Chapter 8

The man infront of him, holding the shotgun, a spas 12 he noted, spoke "Who are you?" he said with a thick Russian accent. Jason gulped "J-jason....what the hel am i doing here?" The man turned back to his comrades and said something in russian, which Jason picked up "The american?" Jason pretended not to catch on, anything to have an edge. Their conversation was rudely interrupted, as a zombie lurhced out from behind the last Russian, and bit him on the neck, he cursed, and his "Friends" opend fire through him and into the zombie, blowing them both into little chunks. The russian with the shotgun growled at Jason "Move" he said, they started down the hallway.

Chapter 9


This post has been edited by The.Raver on February 19, 2005 07:02 am

Not bad.

could you be more specific? i need ideas..=/

Its all right, but it could do with a name.

Sometimes its quite hard to follow, though I'm not too keen on the style - the scattered, frenzied description, using lots of commas, keeping sentences going, does alright to convey panic etc, but when your just describing actions, or characters, or anything similar, try dividing those long, winding, comma-laden, sentences into seperate sentences, or using more conjuctives (linking words) like "and" instead of listing things off.

Its quite hard to write from several P.O.V's consistently, but you're doing pretty well on that count.

You have some good sentences/descriptions/vocabulary but it just needs to be linked together slightly more clearly, and just to tidy up some stuff a little e.g. "Her formerly green eyes now the sick green of infection" = green then green? I realise theres a difference but it would have been clearer with "formerly crystal clear green eyes now the pale, clouded sickly green of infection." for example.

I dont think Elite was being sarcastic with the nuke comment.

And losing what your writing is devastatingly annoying. unlucky.

This post has been edited by TheBlazeUK on February 19, 2005 02:45 pm

No, I really meant that when earth really realises they are doomed, they begin nuking a little to prevent massive spreading. Also, MOAB's is the preffered zombie wasting bomb.
SO, not sarcastic. After a while (Russia is completely zombified, UK is getting there fast) Nuking seems like a good, desperate thing.
I want comments on my story too, giving comments\criticism

about the green eyes, i origionally meant for them to be blue...but i sorta wrote green, for some mysterious reason, and i just realised that now and will change it, and i do tend to ramble my commas along. Sorry about that. ill add summore later after i try to find where sentences end and commas begin.

Now that I think about it, Russia is overrun already? Its a big place, and it's alot more spread out than the UK or America. But minor plot details are nothing to worry about.

i never said it was overrun, i said it was a wasteland...like...the major cities and stuff are overrun..but you'll see later on.....

Chapter 9

2 hours of mindnumbing bloodshed and violence later, they came to huge metal doors...it looked like a SAM wouldint be able to break through thoes. The 3 surviving Russians took up positions around the room, their leader looked at me "Thats the hanger bay" he said, his accent thick "We are instructed to wait here for any other survivors" he tossed Jason a Makarov "I dont trust you, but you are not stupid, you will not shoot us" He went back to his position by the door, and they spend several hours waiting....surviving groups of 2 and 3 straggling in occasionally, but with no attacks. The leader finialy stood up "Its time" he said....which is about when the first moans came from the 3 entrances into the big room.

Chapter 10

All of the soldiers with guns turned to guard an exit, the 10 or so scientists just huddled near the doors, i cursed and ran over to the leader "whats your plan?"
the leader just stared at me "Shoot them until we run out of ammo or out of time, i allready sent out a radio message to bomb the bunker in 2 hours...." I just stared at him "idiot! why?!"

The Lt stared at the american as he ran up to him, answering his questions, he did not like the "idiot! why?!" "Beacuse, American, i value the survival of Mother Russia before the survival of myself, now, get back to an entrance and help out or i will shoot you here and leave you for the monsters" I turned back to the entrance, but whipped right back around again, hearing screams from across the room.


Pvt First Class (or the russian equiv of it) Borov looked down the hallway, trying to make out the enemies "uh..sir...thats not a....normal...what the F***" he screamed, jamming down the trigger on his ak-47. The creature, hunched over because the 10ft tall hallway was too small for it, seemed to absorb the bullets, sucking them up, it lashed out a hand and shatterd Borov all over the wall, quickly slaughtering the team guarding that entrance, The hulking 15 ft beast stepped out of the entrance, standing up, its massive frame resemebling something that a man with a bodybuilding fetish would make up but this creatures muscles showed, it had no skin on it.... it turned to Jason and issued a growl.

Chapter 11

Later



This post has been edited by The.Raver on February 20, 2005 12:21 am