Genesis, Death does not wait for it's victims... |
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Genesis, Death does not wait for it's victims...| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 10, 2005 11:11 pm
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005  |
Live and let die.live and let die!...duh-do-dun-du-
Kason! Turn that shit off. We are en route to our drop off and you cant stop it with that crap. Sing again, and those headphones go out the door. Kason shut up. And so begins the story of a rookie with SEAL Team 6. Kason, everyones favorite guy to pick on. --------- Sir! Sir, I cant understand you! Repeat! Mult----ontac-ss-----five---en down-------ene-dba---k-p! We-----ssshhhhhhhhhh.. Shit! What happened to the signal? Signal lost, sir. The radioman looked sullen. His gaze turned towards the woods. Well, sirFireteam was only 3 klicks south-southwest. The Squad Leader, a Sgt. Mark Ladsey, turned the thought over in his head. Leave his assigned post with his squad in tow and risk being a court-martialed, or try and see what happened to Fireteam Lets go. Suit up people! Freeman! Youre humping the MG rounds! Dawset, take the tripod and Gertan can take the MG. A chorus of yes sirs and hooyah was what answered him. He cracked a strange, enigmatic smile. These were his marines. The best in the world. His family. --------- Sirwe still havent been briefed on our objectives Kason, will you shut up?! Sitrep will be supplied upon arrival to the drop off. Kason went silent once more. The Squad Leader looked brazenly at him, his face red with anger and impatience. To think, he had to baby-sit this damn rookie, while he had other, better men to look after. His train of thought was interrupted. Sir! The pilot shouted back over the roar of the rotor engines. What is it? A radio signal was lost. It was Fireteam. Probably just an equipment malfunction. Keep the channel open. Yes sir. The pilot flipped a switch, and 4 more green lights flashed on. What does that mean? Kason came to the front. Godammit, Kason! Get back and sit in your damn seat! Get up again and Ill have Ollen hit you upside of your dam head! This time, The Squad Leader was interrupted by radio chatter. --------- Oh my godsir, come look at this Gertan looked at his feet. Fireteams Squad leader lay there, his eyes wide open, screaming towards his last enemy. Blood was spattered all around him, but somehow, he was uninjured. All he could do was lie there, eyes darting every which way, stuttering and mumbling meaningless words. I shouldve stayedthey werent here. Nothey never wereno trace Ladsey came to have a look. Upon sight of the poor man, he hauled him up. The Squad Leader of Fireteam looked around wildly, before his eyes rested on something human. He shuddered and screamed. Shut up! He would not. His screaming continued. Shut up and get your shit together! Youre a fucking SEAL, so fucking act like one! At this, the man shut up. Freeman walked in with a handful of dogtags. Sir, I found the rest of Fireteam. Ladsey hesitated. The man convulsed again while in Ladseys grasp. Show me. He said. He still had hold of Fireteams leader, and dragged him along. Behind a small shack, dozens of bodies were scattered aboutmost of them, anyway. Many of them had parts missing, or were dragged into the woods. Ladsey guessed about the last assumption, seeing as how numerous trails of smeared blood lead to the forest. Grishna, Makin, Sanders, Stoleythis is Fireteam. Dawset let out a low whistle. As soon as the sound left his lips, Fireteams Squad Leader screamed and shook free of Ladseys grasp. Ladsey tried hanging on, but wound up ripping off his dogtags. The disturbed SEAL turned towards Ladseys group. He spoke normally for the first time. However, his words came out quick and hurriedly. You dont know! Theres nothing else to do! We all die, here and now! he broke off, and darted into the woods, screaming at the top of his lungs. Fucking idiot. Ladsey snorted. He turned to his own SEALs. That man was not a SEAL. Any one of you tries to pull that off, I will put you out of your misery. No SEAL acts like he just did. The screaming was still going on, then stopped. Ladsey turned to the woods again. Suddenly, the forest shook with a blood-curdling scream, followed by a low moaning and gasping. Birds flittered and rushed away from the treetops. Dawset whistled again, paused, and said, And cast him into the darkness, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth. ------------------------- So, yeah, I'm new here. I just had this great idea for a story and decided to post it here. You can flame if you want, but that doesn't mean I'll listen. However, constructive criticism is appreciated. This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 10, 2005 11:13 pm -------------------- |
  
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 11, 2005 02:06 am
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Wow, another story with decent written english. We'll be spoiled soon.
This is a good story, and I see no grammar/spelling/etc errors. The only thing I can find is small things to improve; How does a forest shake with a low moan and gasp? I can understand the bloodcurdling scream, but the other two noises are a bit less loud, unless theres alot of people (zombies) making them. And how would you know if bodies had been dragged into the woods without going in there and finding them? And you don't need a new line for every sentence spoken; e.g. when the radioman speaks it goes "Signal lost sir" then theres description of his expression and he looks to the woods, then another line for "Well, Sir....Fireteam ...." - to make it clear it's the same person talking, put the spoken sentence directly after 'woods.' You do dialogue pretty well, though at the moment it's carrying the story completely - not a problem, but may be hard to keep up later on when things get a little more hectic. For the time being though, it's doing fine, and it's moving the story along well. Fireteam should probably have a number after it e.g. Fireteam 1 but that's minor correction... The problem with military characters is that people tend to expect them to act certain ways - like I expected him to at least send some people after the crazy guy - they follow procedures and protocols etc when dealing with stuff, and they don't just let certain things happen like normal people would do. They'd probably want to work out what the hell had happened, and they wouldnt let a witness run off. I'm a little confused as to what's going on, but like the guy said "Sitrep on dropoff" I guess. So far a seal team has investigated a loss of signal from Fireteam, and found a massacre. I'm assuming it was from zombies - so perhaps the dead bodies will be getting up - but stuff to address when you get round to including a briefing or something in your story would be a) do they already know zombies exist? b ) what was fireteam doing out there anyway? c) What was seal teams mission in the first place? i.e. whats so important about their post? But to be honest, finding things to improve on in stories like yours is an effort, and that's always nice. I hope some of this stuff helps, and I hope to see more of your story eventually. This post has been edited by TheBlazeUK on February 11, 2005 02:10 am -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 11, 2005 02:07 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
holy crap, Blaze...you have seriously just given me another idea. Wow, I'd kiss you, but i don't know where you live, and I'm not that kind of guy (well, if you're a guy, I mean
 ) Anyway, Look for the next chapter soon.Again, thanks Blaze. Also, about the bodies in the woods, Ladsey said he saw rails of smeared bllod leading towards the woods.  So bleh on you  D This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 11, 2005 02:21 pm -------------------- |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 11, 2005 02:39 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
This is CNN with the latest warnings from President Bush. The anchor womans face was replaced with a very grim looking bush, who would not look at the cameras. He began to speak.
My fellow Americans. We have just lost contact with a certain company, namely, Cybercon. Many of you know this company for its huge strides in the field of genetics and anti-virus mixtures. He paused, looking down at his feet, and sighed. About 2 hours ago, a phone call from Cybercon was cut short, and communication was lost. Now, we have sent 3 SEAL teams to investigate, but contact with one of them has been lost. Now, I cannot tell you what has happened, but I have declared Matrial Law. Please listen to the National Guardsmen and women that come to your house. You will all be evacuated and a curfew will be in effect. Do not pani- The video was cut short. The anchor woman looked distressed. Screaming was heard in the background. Shut the door! Bar it with something! A great clatter arose, and the anchor woman rushed to help whaever was happening. Then, the whole station was shut off. --------- Um, siryou might wanna come look at this. Kason beckoned for his Squad Leader. The Squad Leader seemed annoyed, but did as he was asked. His mouth hung open. Below him, roves upon roves of men and women were walking towards the city. However, they were not normal. Over the beating of the helicopter rotors, low, haunting moans emitted from the crowd. The helicopter flew overhead. There had to be hundreds, thousands, even. The Squad Leader turned towards the pilot. Get this helicopter to the city! Land on top of the police station! the pilot obeyed, and the helicopter whipped around. Kason looked down once more, and saw the Leader of Fireteam look up at him. Their eyes met, wellthey would have, if he had any. Kason saw how he cracked a small, disgusting smile. His cheeks were almost crumbling, and his nose wasnt on his face. He was still wearing his uniform. The smile on the hideous creature widened, and it let out a moan. Others looked up, and moaned also. Kason shook with the fear he had now found. This wasnt a SEALs jobhe should be killing Osama or somethingnot zombies Kason pulled out his sidearm Mk23. He aimed at the Squad leader of Fireteam, the one smiling that hideous smile. He fired one shot. He gasped as he watched the bullet impact the creatures face. Its cheek was ripped off, and it made his smile even wider. He could see the skull go back to the molars. The thing reached towards the helicopter. SirThese things arent normal his stomach lurched. His Squad leader nodded towards him, and looked at his men. Lightem up! Open fire! the mini-guns on the front of the chopper blazed, spewing death 360 degrees. 5.56 rounds pierced the things below, but only one or two of them actually fell. The other creatures swarmed the ones that feel, and begain eating. CannibalsSir, these are zombies! kason looked at his Squad Leader for some sort of approval, but found none. Thats impossible. This aint no horror movie Kason. They aint normal, but they sure as hell aint zombies. Continue on course, pilot. The helicopter flew over the disgusting, gurgling things, and left them to their own ways. They were still focused on the city. This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 11, 2005 02:42 pm -------------------- |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 11, 2005 03:27 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Glad to be of help. You can keep the kiss  And yes, he does say he saw trails of blood. (Damn )Though that sentence could have been improved;
Would be a little better off as: Many of them had parts missing, and Ladsey guessed that several more had been dragged into the woods as there were numerous trails of smeared blood leading into the forest. It just seems a little out of order - you say the conclusion before the evidence (if that makes any sense....). -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 11, 2005 06:53 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
yea, that would have made better sense. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Wee. ( ) -------------------- |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 11, 2005 07:30 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
The helicopter landed with the soft whump-whump of its rotors. Police were already on top, preparing to welcome whoever it was on board. They breathed a sigh of relief when 5 SEALS stepped, including the pilot. An older police officer stepped up to the SEALs and saluted.
Are we glad to se you people. Weve already gotten reports of whats coming this way. We have police officers around the city, making evac broadcasts and barricading all of the large buildings. Malls and Department stores are being used as shelters. Kason, you was looking off in the distance, heard more of the haunting moans. He also saw a strange tower in the background. He pointed towards it. What is that? he asked. Thats the broadcast station. We had some men posted there, but we lost contact with them. They patched us through to a private message from the prez. He didnt sound happy. We have a recording downstairs in the station. Cmon. Each of them went into the building, but the screams and moans seemed to permeate every nook and cranny of the concrete building. Inside, the old officer booted up his computer. Clicking on the icon labeled VIDEO MESSAGE, URGENT, he sat down and put his face inside of his hands. Here it is. A video of the President appeared. Defenders of America, Police, Army, Navy, Air Force and othersI have just declared martial law. I want no panic from the public, so I have not released this information to them yet. But you all must knowthese things are from the Cybercon building. Just a few days ago, a genetic test subject escaped. It was a dog with an extremely efficiently working genetic material inside of it. The very next day, someone at a neighboring city came to the hospital with a dog bite. It appeared to be rabies, but it reacted extremely fast to any antibiotics or treatments, and the patient died within an hour. When doctors went to remove the body, it wasnt there. Nothing happened for a while, but then we got the phone call from Cybercon. Now, do not be fooled by what anyone tells you. These things are already dead. What you are about to see is live feed from Los Angeles, California. The president looked down, then motioned for something. The screen turned to a different scene. This one was utter chaos. There was blood on the camera lens, and hurried talking in the background. It is a disgusting sight folks! We are in eminent danger, and must move quickly! As you can see in the background- the camera re-focused, There is a horde of the undead coming towards us. Half of the city is evacuated, but youre looking at the other half right no! One of the things moaned, and increased its speed towards the camera. Blood was spattered upon its clothing, and chunks of skin were missing. It bumped into a light post, and its arm crumbled off. Kason grunted and turned away while the seen played out. The camera began moving. The cameraman was running. Fast. Very fast. The video was getting snowy. "Screw the camera! Drop it Jones! Forget it! Jo--AGH!!! the camera panned onto the talking man, just in time to see his throat getting ripped from his neck. The whole throat came out. More descended upon the body, and pretty soon, the chest was ripped open. The camera turned around to see a zombies decaying face, full of maggots and half-eaten flesh. Then the video was lost. The scene switched back to the president. As you can see, these are, in fact, zombies. The undead. One bite is sufficient for an infection. If any one becomes infected, eliminate them immediately. No hesitation. The most effective method is either fire or shooting its head. Massive bodily trauma will take one out, but only modest head or brain trauma is needed to put one down. Take no chances. Get all citizens into a common area and supply them with any weapons you can fashion. Good Luck, and may God save the United States. The video ended. The whole station was silent and dark, except for the glow of the computer screen. SEAL Team 6s Squad Leader checked his M4A1, and turned to his team and the police officers present. Lets move. Grab as many weapons as you can, and lets round up survivors. Leave no living human behind. Do not take animals. Women and children are picked first, then youngest men to the oldest men. If this comes down to the apocalypse, then godamn, we are going down fighting. This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 11, 2005 07:32 pm -------------------- |
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| Skullky |
Posted: February 12, 2005 12:54 am
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 Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 102 Joined: February 04, 2005 |
hot seks 4 u
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 15, 2005 07:26 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Ladsey and his squad went to investigate the last sound they heard, the screaming of Fireteams leader. Within three yards of the forest, the squad stopped. A low moan traveled the air to meet them, and Ladseys spine shuddered. He took one more step forward. The stench of rotting flesh and death rushed out to meet him. He took another step forward, and the pungent, putrid smell became even stronger, and Ladseys nostrils began to burn. He stepped into the forest, and his squad followed.
As soon as they had taken the step into the darkness, shapes began moving about. A disturbing sight, some of them even ran towards them, only to sprint towards the side, and disappear again. The dark silhouettes even spied on them from the trees. None of them had actually come into the light yet, so they still had no idea what they were dealing with. Dawset Ladsey licked his lips of the sweat that was now profusely running down his face. Dawset slowly crept to Ladseys side. Sir? Toss a flashbangright there. Ladsey pointed to a spot 20 feet in front of them, and Dawset obeyed. Unhooking a single, cylindrical canister from his belt, he pulled the pin and pulled his arm back. Fire in the hole! He threw it forward, and Ladsey and his squad turned around and shielded their eyes. There was an eerie silence, followed by the deafening roar and blinding flash of the grenade. A horrible sound followed, one that rose above even the blast of the grenade. When the SEALs turned around, a horrible sight awaited them. Things were shuffling towards them, slowly and deliberately, with a gurgling and moaning rising out of them. There had to be at least a hundred of them, probably more. Some of them had eyes, some didnt. Some had body parts that the others didnt. There faces were eroded, revealing a mouth full of rotting bone and maggot-infested flesh. The stench of flesh was overwhelming now. Open fire! Open fire! Each man scrambled to their rifles, and let loose with a hail of 5.56 ammunition. The bullets had little effect, even though they could clearly see the bullets were tearing off body parts and ripping away the disgusting flesh. Some toppled, others kept trudging towards them. The ones still moving payed no attention to their fallen. Im out! Ladsey let loose his last magazine from his M4A1, and turned towards Dawset. Dawset was ahead of him, and threw him 2 extra clips as soon as Ladsey had turned. Ladsey slammed in the first magazine, and let another stream of bullets fly towards another creature, whose head exploded in a shower of dark, blackened blood. Bits of bone and flesh rained upon Ladseys team, but no one payed any mind. They were too busy fighting for life. Ladsey was empty again. He slammed his last clip into his rifle, and let loose again. Shit! Im out! Dawset ran to Gertan, and grabbed the MG from his back. Gertan, who was still firing every bullet he had at the horrible things, took no notice of Dawset. Just wait you fuckers! Waitll you have some of this! He grabbed the ammo box lying next to Freeman, who also was too busy shooting to notice. Dawset then took the tripod from his back, and set up the gun himself. Get down! Dawset yelled. Freeman and Gertan dropped to the ground, but Ladsey went to Dawsets side and fed him the chain of ammo. Yeah! Yeah! You like that?! Huh?! Do ya?! Cmon! Take it! Yeah, you! Cmon!! An endless stream of bullets was mowing down the things by the dozens. Ladsey diligently fed him the chain, making sure it didnt move too fast or too slow. Then, the most dreadful thing happened. He heard a click. The gun had jammed. Ladsey licked his lips again. The taste of his sweat was disgusting. It was very bitter, but extremely salty. Ladsey unhooked a grenade from his belt, and tossed it into the horde of creatures. The grenade lodged in the soft body of one of the human figures, and it paused before looking down at the sphere. A tremedous explosion ripped a huge hole in the line of the zombies, but more of them just filled it up. Dawset unhooked all of this grenades, cooked them, and threw them out one by one. He mustve taken out hundreds, but the thinning was not obvious. There were still too many. Freeman was the first to go. He walked backwards, putting his back to a tree trunk. Something grabbed him from above and he was pulled up, followed by a sickening crunching and screaming. Dawset had now fixed the mounted MG, and continued mowing the things down. The chain of ammo was almost gone. Lord, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death 2 more zombies dropped under the heavy fire. I will fear no evil! For thou art with me! The chain would only last a few more minutes. Ladsey prayed with him. Both were yelling at the top of their lungs. Gertan was pulled into the crowd, and Dawset and Ladsey prayed louder to drown out his screaming. Thy rod and thy staff! They comfort me! Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies! Thou annointeth my head with oil, My cup runneth over! Only 30 rounds were left in the chain. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever! It was over. The chain of ammo was spent, and the hordes closed in around them. Ladsey unhooked his last greande, and looked at Dawset. He nodded. Dawset was crying. Amen, brotherAmen! Ladsey pulled the pin. The creatures formed a circle around them. Ladsey and Dawset embraced. Dawset kept repeating a prayer and trying to stop his tears. Ladsey looked up, still embraced. Lordcatch us. He pulled the pin. -------------  Aw....no one likeys my story? .....I guess.I'll this story up anyway... :sniff, sob: This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 16, 2005 02:19 pm -------------------- |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 23, 2005 02:25 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Kason, you done rounding up the town? The Squad Leaders voice crackled into the walkie.
Roger, I got one more house to check. Im going to the front door right---Shit! Kason cut off, and a burst of gunfire resonated from the walkie. Kason? Kason! You all right?! Sirwe have a problem. Kason had sweat running down his face, not to mention some strange, blackened blood. Roger. Report to Heavensgate Plaza Mall. Everyone is back except you. Roger, sir. En route. Kasons walkie clicked off. Hes becoming more and more professional every minute. The Squad leader said to himself. Inside the Humvee, Kason attached his CD player to the radio. Live and let die!...Live and let die!...duh-dun-duh ------- 20 minutes had passed. Kason pulled into the parking lot, and rushed to the barricade that the police were preparing. They let him pass after a quick glance. The 5 civilians in his Humvee rushed in with him, also after the had undergone a more accusing stare from the officers. Kason, is this it? His Squad Leader, First Lt. Michael Hasvte, stared at the civilians. He sighed. Yes sir. Kason looked past Hasvte. Behind him, at least 200 people sat in a circle, saying the Our Father. Whats next sir? Kason turned his gaze back towards Hasvte. You heard the prez. Supply this people with as many weapons we can, and out of whatever we can fashion. Some of the civilians looked up, but continued praying. Hooyah, sir. Two more responses came from marines. Kason looked dumbstruck. Wheres Setts? Hasvte loked down. We lost him. He was pulled into a house. How do you know hes dead? Hasvte lifted a pair of dogtags, smeared with blood, red and black. Kason dropped the subject. The remaining marines with Kason smashed in a Hunting and Sporting goods sore window. They found numerous weapons and boxes upon boxes filled with ammo. Each civilian was supplied with a Winchester Rifle, and the store even carried .44 magnums. Kason grabbed one himelf, when he stumbled across an unlabeled box. Hello, whats this? He shoved away other boxes, and came across another, more peculiar looking box. Curiosity got the better of him, and he ripped away the black duct tape holding it closed. The lids popped open, and Kasons mouth dropped. Sir! Come here! What is it? He looked down at whatever Kason was looking at, and his mouth hung also. Well, seems we had a Black Marketeer right here all the time. Should we do anything about it? Of course! Give each of the civilians one of these guns instead! I mean about the Store owner. What about him? He has no effect on our objectives. We can report him later. Yes, sir. Behind the first box, 4 more larger boxes lined in black duct tape lay, collecting dust. Kason ripped open those too. Inside each was an arsenal. Sawed off shotguns, M16 rifles, SR-25D sniper rifles, even AK-47s and MP5A5 SMGs. This was all here right under the nose of Heavansgte Law Enforcement. What a bunch of goons. --------- Kason had finished handing out the better weapons. Each civilian was allowed to choose whatever weapon they felt comfortable with. The Hunting Store owner became timid whenever a Marine looked at him, but the Marines did nothing. Hasvte was giving a few pointers and lessons to the civilians. Rule number one! This little thing right here is the safety! Do not click this off until you have a target in sight! Rule number two! Do not shoot with one eye closed! You will not aim better, that is a total myth! Rule number three! Shoot anything other than what Im shooting at, and you will become my next target! Do I make myself clear?! The civilians stood, shaken. But still engrossed with their weapons. Bunch of monkeys Hasvte shook his head, and began to walk towards the Hunting Store for more ammo boxes. He stopped when a pounding on the malls front door wouldnt stop. The whole mall was silent. Even the civilians werent breathing. Kason was already looking out the door. Sir! Its another civilian! Kason loked at the person outside, then at Hasvte. Let'im in. Kason opened the door, and in stumbled another person, with his face covered in black and white, with a little black beret on top of his bald head. It was a mime. Holy shit man, theyre coming! Theyre coming! He had a scratch on his left arm, down near his wrist. The mime felt Kason staring at the cut. I got it running away, I swear! I scraped myself on an overturned car! I swear, please dont shoot me! Hasvte was bored as hell, and decided to try and joke a bit. I thought mimes didnt talk? A smirk played across his face. Fuck that, man! I almost died! The mime was breathing heavily now, obviously annoyed at Hasvtes stupid question. Alright, kason, give him a weapon and some ammo. He was reminded of one rule he missed, and turned towards the civilians again. Rule number four! If any of you start displaying any strange symptoms or behavior, you will be shot! If your buddy cant do it, I will! Do you all understand?! The civilians groaned in acknowledgement. The pounding started again. Hasvte looked at the door. With every pound, a new smear of blood appeared on the glass. ------ No constructive critisicm? Nothing? I know my story ain't perfect! C'mon, guys! This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 23, 2005 07:17 pm -------------------- |
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| Elite viking |
Posted: February 23, 2005 05:35 pm
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 Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
Very very good! I like it very much, just haven't 'got my eyes up' for it until now. It is very gripping, and it's hard to point out anything to improve. Well, one thing I say all the time , after a while they should know that brain trauma is the only or best way to kill them. So, if they were able to listen to our favorite president, mr Bush, another, maybe the most important, rule has to be said: Aim for the head.
Those men in the forest would maybe have survived if they had that fact. Just keep that in mind when the fight in the gunstore begins. |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 24, 2005 12:32 am
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Kason came back with the mime, with a fully loaded AK-47 in the black and white hands of the entertainer. Kason had also heard the pounding, and looked towards the door to see, but Hasvte was blocking his view.
Sir? Whats the pounding about? Hasvte didnt answer but turned back towards his men and the civilians. Load your weapons! Click off the safeties! Keep both eyes open while shooting! Hasvte pulled his M4A1 Carbine to his shoulder, and dropped to one knee. Many of the civilians did the same, if only to look professional. Many of them were whimpering, looking at pictures of their wife and kids, or perhaps even pissing themselves. Hasvte didnt blame them. He was pretty close to wetting his pants, too. Strangely enough, he was able to clearly think. He looked back at the door. The smears of blood, those disgusting black smears, they were still there, but the pounding was gone. He got up off his knee, and went to the door, peering through the blood out into the parking lot. Not a sign of movement. Safeties on! False alarm, go abou he was cut short. A door in the back of the mall corridor had burst open with a tremendous force. The hinges slid and stopped at Kasons feet. Everyone turned and stared. Some of them began to cry. Shuffling towards them, a great number of the creatures moaned and gurgled. The even fought amongst each other, vying for the first bite of a new meal. Safeties off! Open fire! Hasvte and his marines opened up with 5.56 ammunition. It had some effect, since showers of blood began peppering the crowd of the undead. The civilians fumbled for a moment with the firearms, but eventually let loose with their own fire. The bark of the AK-47s drowned out the groaning of the creatures, and the sound of the M4A1s added to the effect. Someone let loose with a burst of 9mm parabellum from an MP5A5. it was a civilian, and he was taken by surprise by the powerful recoil. He was thrown back a little bit, but regained his balance and continued shooting. Kason scooted over to Hasvte, still emptying clip after clip. I thought that door was barricaded! He gritted his teeth, let his last magazine fall, and slammed in a fresh one. So did I! Hasvte let a burst of bullets escape the barrel of his gun, and all 3 bullets found their way into the head of a zombie. Its head shattered, and an eyeball even hit the door behind the group of survivors. Some of the civilians had trouble reloading. Kason gave them his gun, took theirs, reloaded it for them, and traded back. Some of them watched and learned how. Others just began to rely on the marines too much. The cops, however, were much better with whatever they had. Some of them were very proficient in reloading the shotgun, slipping in seven rounds in what Kason thought had to be record time. They were deadly accurate with their side arm Berettas, and many preferred the handgun to the heavier automatics. Im out! Kason dropped his M4, and grabbed an AK-47 from the box next to him. The AK felt surprisingly like the M4, just with a little more kick back and a banana clip. He continued unloading into the oncoming crowd of things. One of the civilians was out, and grabbed another AK-47. He shot about 3 rounds, and stopped. He looked out into the crowd for a moment, and got an idea. He grabbed a shopping cart that was left out in front. He pushed it next to a garden structure, one that was elevated above the zombies. Unfortunately, he didnt make it. He was pulled down screaming, into the bloody hands of the things. As soon as one got hold of him, it sunk its teeth into his soft skin. Blood rushed to the surface, and he disappeared into the seething mass of blood covered bodies. By now, the mall was swarming with the creatures, and many of the civilians had been killed, either by trying stupid heroics or by just plainwell, stupidity. One of them threw his empty gun at them, because he didnt know how to reload. Then he was stupid enough to try and get it back. Needless to say, he never made it back. Im out of bullets, what do I do?! Help! The mime beckoned for a marine, but none of them took notice. They were all too busy mowing down the hordes. The mime looked at his wound, and noticed how it had begun to fester. The scab was turning black, and his hand began twitching. He grabbed a nearby magazine, looked it over with a quick glance, and tried to put it in his gun. His twitching made him slide a few times, and he realized he had the wrong end in the gun. He flipped it over, and put it back in. The safety clicked back in place. He paused, thinking, and slid the safety back to the off position, and continued firing. Im out! Hasvte dropped his M4, and grabbed an empty AK-47 lying next to him. He called to the mime. You! Toss me that magazine right next to you! The mime looked around him, and grabbed a banana clip from a box next to him. He tossed it to Hasvte, but a twitch in his hand caused the toss to come short. Hasvte hesitated, his eyes locked with the mimes. A twitch on the same arm that had been scratched. Hasvte ignored it, but decided to keep a close eye on him anyway. The floor of the hall was littered with bodies. The things still standing hobbled right over the fallen, sometimes crushing a soft body in the process. A 5.56 bullet found its way through the head of a zombie, and the bullet went right through it. There was a perfect hole were the bullet had just traveled, but the zombie continued forward, invigorated with the thought of a fresh meal. The mime began to act strangely. He swayed back and forth, and he was sweating profusely. His node bled, and trickles of blood left the corner of his mouth. Hasvte turned just in time to see what was happening. The mimes face began to melt, almost. The skin dried and peeled away as if it was like a dry fruit skin. The skin that had been so tight around his body was now loose, and began to shrivel. Hasvte took no time to put a bullet through the mimes head, and the mime dropped to the ground. The blood leaking from the gaping head wound was red upon exit, but quickly hardened and turned black. Even though he was dead, blood began to boil out of the mimes mouth, and his shirt was encrusted with the hard, black substance which was his blood, just a few minutes before. Then, the most amazing thing happened. Hasvte couldnt believe it. The mime, whose head had a gaping hole through it, had just got back up on its feet. Hasvte put another burst of 7.62 ammo through its skull. It dropped again, and more blood spurted out. Hasvte decided he had put it out for good. He turned back, and continued to fire upon the advancing hordes. ------------- Ooo, someone replied? *Gasp* It must be the apocalypse!! Run! RUN! Anyway, thank you for your comments. And if anyone can catch it, I was poking fun at the ridiculous recoil of the MP5 in-game.  This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 24, 2005 12:36 am -------------------- |
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| Elite viking |
Posted: February 24, 2005 03:09 am
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Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
great installment, but I didn't understand completely whatt the civillian was doing with the shopping cart. was he escaping\riding with it?
Keep it up, it's really good! |
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 24, 2005 02:05 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Well, you know how in bb_slaywatch, people will use those stationary shopping carts to jump onto the elevated gardens? That's what my civilian was doing. I didn't think anyon was going to catch it, but I put it in there just to make a civilian die, really. I ddin't think they'd go so long without a casulty. One of them has to die...
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| Till Death Do us Part |
Posted: February 24, 2005 02:35 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: Members Posts: 310 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Kason was emptying his last clip out of an AK, when a gigantic thump reverberated throughout the mall. Kason regained his footing and turned to Hasvte,
What was that?! The thump happened again. I dont know! Maybe we should pull out soon! The thump happened again, this time louder, shakier, and just worse in general. Then, at the back of the mall, somethingsomething big burst through the wall, widening the hole were there used to be a door. Before the smoke cleared, a huge, towering figure stood above the rest of the zombies. The creatures that were so desperately trying to feast had now stopped. They moaned and groaned amongst themselves nervously. Holy shit! A fellow marine pointed at the smoke, which was dissipating rapidly. Behind the wisps of gray, a nightmarish figure had emerged. A man of gigantic proportions, he mustve stood at least 8 feet tall. His overalls were smothered in the crusty black blood, and his skin was shriveled and raw. Is it friendly? Sir? A civilian tugged on Hasvtes uniform. He almost whipped around to smack whoever it was that just asked at. Fuck no! Continue fire! Hasvte got off the first shot. A powerful 7.62 bullet exited from the barrel of his AK-47 with a malicious bark. The bullet whizzed by the nervous underling zombies, and impacted the towering being in the right side of his abdomen. The hole right side was torn away, and the bullet ricocheted off of the wall behind the huge thing, killing another zombie in the process. I said lightem up! Hasvtes face turned a shade of crimson anger, and his marines obeyed. A hail of 7.62 ammunition ripped apart the zombie horde, but few of them had any affect. The huge thing stood stupidly in the midst of the hail of death, moaning a little bit with each shot that hit it. Wait a minuteI know that guy! Thats Fred! A civilian pointed at the giant zombie, and hesitated before firing again. Fred the giant fucking zombie! Kason spoke to himself, Thats just fucking great! Strangely enough, no more underlings had advanced over their fallen brethren. It seemed the humans were winning. Perhaps this giant one, Fred, had some territorial rights to this mall. Whatever it was, the little guys quit coming. Now, it was just Fred and the surviving humans. Fred stopped, and sniffed the air. His dry, decaying eyes fixated upon the ragged crew of surviviors. He growled. Fuck Hasvte unbuckled a walkie from his belt. Where the hell is the evac?! It was supposed to be here! He looked up and saw Fred roar. The chopper is en route. Be outside of your current position at 1700 hours. 4 more marines will be accompanying you when the chopper lands. Roger that! Hurry it up! Hasvte turned back to face Fred. Fred was mad. He charged. A wall of AK-47 rifles barked in unison, and, likewise, a wall of 7.62 ammo whizzed towards their intended target. Many of the bullets impacted, and Fred stopped in his tracks, taken aback by the surprising ferocity of this prey. Usually, his prey had been more subdued, and were eaten screaming. Never before had he been in such pain. It was unbearable to him. But his hunger was worse. He looked down at his left arm, which was now wriggling on the ground. He roared, baring his ugly, rotted teeth, and charged again. This time, he did not stop. Fall back! Covering fire for the civilians! The civilians, with their rifles in their hands, bolted out the front door of the mall. Following them were the good ol boys in blue. By now, Fred was on the marines postion, and had one in his grasp. Polten! Hasvte backed up, holding his fire. He was afraid of hitting his fellow marine. God, help me! Polten squirmed one of his arms free. He reached to his holster, and pulled out his Mk23. He pointed the barrel at his head. Polten! Dont! Too late. Polten had pulled the trigger. His brains burst from the exit wound on the other side, and showered Fred. Fred stood confused for a moment, then began to rip into the meal that he had just aqcuired. As Fred was ripping away the flesh, a jerk of his head sent a silvery piece of metal to Hasvtes feet. It was Poltens dogtags. He grabbed them, and rushed out with Kason to the back. He barricaded the door behind him with help from the civilians and his marines. Inside the mall, Fred howled with satisfaction. He plunged his teeth into the bloody body once more. -------- Oooo, a dedicated reader, I hope. Yay. I die happy. Wait...it isn't the apocalypse then...?  This post has been edited by Till Death Do us Part on February 24, 2005 02:36 pm -------------------- |
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