Life Is Precious, Comments/Feedback Please. Read![]() |
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Life Is Precious, Comments/Feedback Please. Read| Grey Snake |
Posted: January 08, 2005 03:24 am
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![]() Clean up Crew Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 1295 Joined: November 16, 2004 |
Life Is so Precious, isn't it?
-------------------------------------- Part 1-The begenning ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As I sat away playing the new modifcation for half life Brainbread I never knew how much it would save my life. Life was great, I was an moderator on the brainbread fourms,brainbread was my most favorite modifcation and I always like to po zombies in the head. Suddenly for some reason a lot of people started to quit the game. "What the hell?" I typed. Everyone didn't type anything back, so I quit the game and went to the fourms. I scrolled down to the bottom and saw noone was vistiing the fourms. "What the hell is going on?!" As I grabbed my remote and turned it to channel 31 Fox News I saw BREAKING NEWS at the top of the screen. They were showing, something in a city. The army was there along with some people that limped towards them. They all looked like they were wearing red. "Is this a joke?" I said aloud. I quickly opened my window and saw some people in the street, staring at the sky. "Hey, MOM!" I shouted. "No answer?" I thought to myself. As I got up from my computer chair and walked through the hall way. I saw the back door was opened. "MOM? DAD" I shouted again. Noone answered back, I quickly walked towards the door and shut. "Where is everyone?" I wondered. I quickly closed the door and saw some figures at the door. What do they want? I asked myself. Suddenly they began to bang on the door with the fist. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" I shouted to them. The banging got louder until a hand broke through the glass. I was frozen for a moment and ran across the living room into the hall way. I ran to my dad's bedroom and looked to the old hunting rifle. I took it from the wall and thought to myself. "May God be with me" I closed my eyes for a second and ran back into the hallway.... Comments and Feedback pleaseeeeee -------------------- Moderators of Fourms
Jakkar TSS Grey Snake Immoral Sniper _CiviliaN^SoldieR_ --------------------------------------------------------------------- Installation Guide - Step By Step Guide The Angel Estate - My story |
| OneoftheLost |
Posted: January 08, 2005 04:09 am
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![]() Zombie Hunter ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 164 Joined: December 12, 2004 |
hmmm....'s hard what to say about this one.....1.I dont know.....Its about you obviousley no problems there...but yur approach.....its different because its like its actually happening and you never expected it to hell I garuntee that right now 99% of america thinks zombies will never walk the earth....but thats also the reason all the other storys, have like, fictional appraoches, they all are reg zombie survvivor storys....hmm...well I respect you because you are a very good author and writer, but I think you could work on better...oh hell continue the story!
Grade- 7 Positives-Charector does waht most people would do. -Good writing. Negatives-kinda cheesey no offense -I jsut keep waiting for it to turn out that you killed all these zombies and they were actual pple,and you were insane how's that for a story twist? sorry if I sound like yur english teacher or somthing. -------------------- |
| Grey Snake |
Posted: January 08, 2005 04:42 am
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![]() Clean up Crew Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 1295 Joined: November 16, 2004 |
Part 2-My first Murder
------------------------------------- "YO! SUCK ON THIS!" I shouted to them. I shot a bullit in their direction and they turned towards me. They sent a shiver through my spine, and they stared right through me. I looked up from the gun and saw them stare at me again. "They are so inoccent, what am I doing?" I thought to myself. I quickly lowered my gun. I was about to apoligize when one of them charged towards me. *BRAINS!* It screamed. I was shocked and quickly clubbed him over the head. The others quickly respnded and charged to. "SHIT!" I said aloud and jumped into the bedroom. I locked the door and rest aganst the door. "Safe for a few minutes.." I breathed a sign of relif. My thoughts were soon entrupted when several hands broke through the small wooden door and grabbed me. "LET GO OF ME!" I shrieked. The hands then grabbed harder. I felt like being strapped to a wooden bourd. I looked up and saw the door. If they pulled just a little harder, they would break the door along with me. I struggled with the hands, and knew it was no use........... Comments/Feeddback pleaseeee -------------------- Moderators of Fourms
Jakkar TSS Grey Snake Immoral Sniper _CiviliaN^SoldieR_ --------------------------------------------------------------------- Installation Guide - Step By Step Guide The Angel Estate - My story |
| OneoftheLost |
Posted: January 08, 2005 07:49 am
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![]() Zombie Hunter ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 164 Joined: December 12, 2004 |
Nice I like how the you respond to the children "how can I they are so nice" keep it up its getting better!
Rating-8 Positives-new twist on things Negatives-write more! -------------------- |
| Grey Snake |
Posted: January 08, 2005 05:32 pm
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![]() Clean up Crew Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 1295 Joined: November 16, 2004 |
Part 3- Narrow Excape!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Chomp!* I bit into one of the hands and it itmedittly fell off. "YUK!" I said aloud. It tasted sour, making me want to vomit. I quickly got a hold off my right arm and began to pull the hands off of me. "EEK!" I shrieked as I saw a figure in the windows. It began to bang its fist on the glass. I soon got the hands off of me and started for the upstairs when I heard a siren, then silence......I was now upstairs, I quickly locked the door and looked through the keyhole. Nothing had broken in yet. I got away from the door and opened the window. A cool breeze swept over me. I got the shivers, I could see some people running and other people limping towards them. Suddenly a large tank rolled in and began to fire at the zombies. "Yay!" I said with joy. Suddenly I heard the sound of an airplane. "What!?" I questioned myself....... *Boom!* A large bomb fell near the house almost destroying it........ .... "Where am I?" I sat up. I was wrapped in bandages. A man then walked in, he had a gas mask on his face and said something I couldn't hear. The man then walked over next to me and lifted the blankets off. "What is he doing?" I thought to myself. He began to check my neck and body. "What is he looking for?" I asked myself. He then stood up and pulled the blanket over me. "Sle-e-p" The man said in a muffled voice. I nodded and understood, he then walked out of the tent.... -------------------- Moderators of Fourms
Jakkar TSS Grey Snake Immoral Sniper _CiviliaN^SoldieR_ --------------------------------------------------------------------- Installation Guide - Step By Step Guide The Angel Estate - My story |
| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: January 18, 2005 01:08 pm
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![]() Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
A little on the short side - kinda jumps around alot.
-------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |