The main Character

Name: Allen Peterson
Age: 19
Description: Short brown hair, kentucky accent,skin color white.

Plot: Allen Peterson the local officer, is riding around in his new cop car with his teammate Johnny, when he is turns on the radio...It chills him to the bone....What was heard?
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Chapter 1: The Message

Allen was just your ordinary kid. He was chasing girls around hoping to get an girlfriend. He enlisted in the Police. Hoping to be an hero. He might just get that chance...

"Hey, Johnny hand me my coffe will ya?" Allen asked his teammate. Johnny, they had grown up together, but johnny became an officer so he could raise money for his poor familiy. He was an year older then Allen.

"Sure dude" Johnny said as he handed Allen his cup of coffe. Allen stared into the brown liquid in the cup. He then took a sip, a big sip. It quenched his thirst and he set it into the cup compartment.

He was chilled to the bone as he opened the window, the wind blew right in as if to excape the cold. Johnny could see the sun setting. It was an orange color, combined with the puffy white clouds made it an amazing scene.

Suddenly Allen's walkie-talkie came on. A deep voice was heard on the other end. Allen reached for the walkie-talkie and grabbed it out of his holsiter. He pressed the button to talk.

"Allen here, over" Allen answered. The voice on the other end hesistated for an moment then repliyed.

"Allen...we need you down here...Its bad" Cries of pain were heard behind the voice. Gunshots were heard too, Johnny listened and was horrified.

"What is going on down there?" He questioned himself. He glanced down to his Bretta in his holstier. He had never killed anyone im his life. He looked away and to the road. They were driving around in circlces, they hadn't seen anyone for hours.

"I understand..Yes we are on our way over and out" Allen finished talking to the person and turned to Johnny. His brown eyes started into Johnny's. He stopped the car and said 3 words.

"We are needed..." He choked out. He seemed scared and excited at the time. It was his first day on the job and it was time for his first assignment, but johnny was just scared. He feared he would be killed by whoever was robbing a bank or taking hostages. Sadly it wasn't robbers or terriost it was something more deadly...

Comments and Constructive Critisim only.

hmmmm 1.coffe? coffee? I ask b/c you spelled it wrong twice.2.Need more of the story to actually rate it so right more before we will criticize. keep it up so far its pretty good.

go on, go on

Need More, BUt so far ur best story yet.

good story keep it up.

lookin' good. keep goin'!

I think it's really stupid how so many people hear actually say, not in the line of the story, the description of the character, it's just silly. You should use descriptions like "his brown hair swayed from side to side in the soft wind" or "his complexion was paler than usual, he definitley looked under the weather" Things like that just gives it a bit more literary merit.

Chapter 2- Deadly Enemies
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As Allen turned the steering-wheel to the scene were half the police force was. Allen sensed that Johnny was afraid...of what was down there.

"Don't worry dude..there will be a lot of backup.." Allen assured Johnny. He nodded slightly and slumped back into his seat. They soon got to where everyone was stationed. Allen managed to park his car next to an building wall with enough space to get out.

Allen took the key's out of the ignition and hopped out of the car, slamming the door. Johnny did the same, they both looked at some of the police officers and recgonized some of them, and didn't regonize others. Suddenly groans and moans were heard from the alley.

"Stand your ground men! Don't fire until I Say so!" Bill, the police department cheif ordered his men. His black hair swayed in the wind. Suddenly a large mob appeared from the alley they all walked towards the police officers. Allen slowly turned around to johnny and saw his face pale, and his mouth wide open. Allen looked around and saw everyone with faces like Johnny's. It seemed like time had slowed down. We made no move as the mob got closer, leaving blood on the pavement. Some were children while others were adults. Their eyes rolled back into their heads. Leaving an milky eye, some had torn arms, while others were walked with only one leg.

"These people need medical attention right away!" Johnny thought. He ran towards the mob when Bill screamed after him.

"STOP! YOU DON't NO WHAT YOUR DOING!" He screamed. He lunged for Johnny, but it was no use, he was already in the mob's hands.

"Don't worry you will get ARGHHHH" Johnny couldn't finish his sentance. As some of the people slumped their shoulders around him. The whole mob reached for just a tiny piece of his flesh. Allen and the others stood wide eyed for a minute. Some of the people with their mouths lunged at Johnny's neck. While others bit his brain, He reached for his pistol, but it was no use. He was overwelmed by the mob and forced to the ground. His hand reached above their grasps. Trying to get help, but he was soon chewed to bits.

"FIRE!" Bill shouted. Everyone took their pistols out and pulled the trigger. Allen just stood there...frozen. They had eaten him alive. What the helll were they? He thought to himself. He then turned to face the mob, it seemed that the bullits weren't having no effect on them. Allen wipped out his Bretta and fired at an teenager in the face. The bullit met its mark and hit the teenagers face. Blood oozed from the wound and destroyed one of her eye balls, but she didn't mind. All she wanted was flesh......

Feedback and Contructive Critisim only!

Comments? Feedback?

Nice.

i liked it

Chapter 3- Excaping
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"Fall Back!!!!" Bill screamed at his men. Just seconds after johnny was killed, the mob gained control of the area. Some of the police officers were still shooting at zombies while they got into their calls. Allen quickly hopped into the police car and put the key's into the ignition. The car wouldn't start,

"COME ON START ALREADY.." Allen started to panick as the car wouldn't start. The mob was getting closer....and closer.

"GOT IT!" Allen said aloud. He hit the gas pedal and started to back up. Suddenly an old man got by allen's window and put his hands on it. Allen was terrified as he looked up at him, the old man then put his face on the window and revealed some teeth missing, he had blood dripping from his forehead and neck. Allen closed his eyes and looked away, most of the police cars were being swarmed with zombies.

Allen quickly backed out of the area and hit the gas pedal, he drove right through the crowd, hitting some zombies. An child stepped into the road, his mouth was covered in blood. He had brown hair that was drenched in blood. Allen thought if he should keep driving and hit the kid. He looked, so inoccent he couldn't possibly end the life of this little kid. Suddenly the kid made a hiss and leaped at the front of the car. Allen quickly hit the gas pedal and drove on through the alley...the kid hit the windshield and fell off....what awaited Allen in the end of the valley?

Comments,Feedback,Critisim?

im on the edge of my seat

keep em comin, dude

This is much better than life goes on - much more detailed. One thing - its bullEts not "bullits".