The Living And The Dead |
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The Living And The Dead| GaMeRT1 |
Posted: February 04, 2005 07:50 am
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: Members Posts: 306 Joined: December 05, 2004  |
Great very few Errors second post had a repeating line and such but thats all i can member thanks:D
-------------------- Zombie connoisseur, BrainBread enthusiast, slayer of the undead.
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 04, 2005 10:17 am
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 Real zombie Nemesis  Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
The main character will be forming a bit of a group sooner or later. I'm going to introduce some characters from the camp, like the preacher. He will not be friends with the preacher however.
Uh, my main guy's name is Rick. ("Name?" "Rick Drapper") But you never know, someone named Ted Brinks may show up in the camp (if just as a cameo). But then again he may die, you know? In a horrible way. I think the grunt dialogue seems more realistic than before because I added extra swearing. Edit; I was bored and looking over my first post and wathching shaun of the dead, when I decided to add a scene. So, after he gets in the car look out for the happy family. I got the idea from the bit in shaun when theyre speeding to Liz's house, and Shaun notice's a family running from a terraced house, followed by a bloodstained messed up zombie. Oh, and ten points if you can guess what's going to be in the mysterious building. -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| zombieslaya |
Posted: February 04, 2005 06:56 pm
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 Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 178 Joined: January 20, 2005 |
i wasnt trying to be controlling, just making a few suggestions, thats all i was doing, and yes im going to write a story soon. My guess is that the mysterious building is gonna have one of the following: zombies being executed (far fetched but possible), trying to find a cure for the infection by dissecting zombies (more likely but still far fetched) or maybe Fred is in there. This post has been edited by zombieslaya on February 04, 2005 07:06 pm -------------------- |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 05, 2005 11:25 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Its ok, I reserve the right to completely disregard any suggestions made and so I have no problem with you making them. I'm guessing your story will be about Ted Brinks, and will involve Cybercon or Umbrella or something, though.
Oh, and in response to something you said in your last post.... There will be alot of craziness in this story when I get round to bringing some of my ideas into it. Lots of insane type folk. But no pyschiatrists. Those guys are an alltogether different form of madness. -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| OneoftheLost |
Posted: February 06, 2005 07:58 am
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 Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 164 Joined: December 12, 2004 |
Blaze..your somthing alright. Do you write real Novels? you have that mentality. ah well its kewl. as for your story keep it up! Ill keep reading if you keep posting. As for Zombieslyah....yur ....different. get writing yur story so i can critiuque(? spelled wrong
 ) it! well keep it up Blaze. lata days all-see you zombie killers. --------------------  -Give a man a gun he thinks he's superman. Give a man two and he thinks he's God. -Quote from THE KILLER. |
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| zombieslaya |
Posted: February 06, 2005 05:42 pm
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Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 178 Joined: January 20, 2005 |
yeah i got writing it, havent had time to write but one installment though, the first installment is mild compared to this story but that will soon change! its the one with german title and the english translation, 48 Hours Of Pure Hell. -------------------- |
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| Jenova |
Posted: February 08, 2005 04:06 am
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 Just another Survivor Group: Members Posts: 21 Joined: December 22, 2004 |
Now you see,t his is the kind of statement that deserves to be said. I haven't read the entire thread yet, as I'm currently occupied with business of my own, but from what I've read of the first post, I can definately say that this is a pristine example of excellent first person narrative. The choice of words is good, but not overly difficult, and easily builds the atmosphere of the story hoping to be acheived. It does a good job in it's execution, and though the initial post seems a bit flawed for punctuation, the later posts seem to be on track, and yet a spelling error to be seen. The over all appearance looks and feels very professional, even if a tad over detailed in the beginning. There are two points I have: One) When reading the first post, the bit with the family actually made me feel sorry for them, which is extremely rare for me. Two) I am jealous of the dialogue construction, as dialogue is one of my weak points, as I can never seem to make it look good to me. Overall, this is an excellent story from what I've read and I definately support the writer in their future writings. Excellent job, Blaze, keep up the good work. I might even be able to smooth out my rough spots in my own writing from your example.  --------------------  |
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| OneoftheLost |
Posted: February 08, 2005 04:30 am
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Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 164 Joined: December 12, 2004 |
 LOL Blaze you got some fan base! even inspiring other writers!!! Im so jealous!! LOL J/K!! you didnt inspire me to write, but you have showed me not to half-ass my story like i did two chaps ago. ENough about mine! whens yur next installment? oh and Jenova made some valid points. read 'em. Best writer on the forums. Since Foxtrot seems to have left the froums all together.  -Lata zombie killahs! -------------------- -Give a man a gun he thinks he's superman. Give a man two and he thinks he's God. -Quote from THE KILLER. |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 08, 2005 12:21 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Wow, thanks. My next installment will be when I sober up enough to concentrate.
Thankyou for the detailed commentary. -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| AcdM |
Posted: February 10, 2005 05:00 am
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Rotten Meat Group: Members Posts: 8 Joined: February 10, 2005 |
Keep up the good work.
I like the way you describe things, you dont over describe things (which would make it boring) you say just enough to build a picture in my head, and let me do the rest. Ive been a big fan of hl novels for along time, ive even wrote a couple myself. Nothing great but somewhere near average. And this is one of the more interesting ive read. One thing that happened to me when i just went with the flow of writing, i would get too many ideas at once and would do them all half assed so i could fit them in. Keep takeing it one thing at a time. I like the idea of infecting bites, Cuz if god was trying to kill us all (all the dead were rising, as if in a scourge)....i dont think too many people would have hope left... ß0ß |
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| zombieslaya |
Posted: February 12, 2005 02:45 am
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Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 178 Joined: January 20, 2005 |
again, very good storys, but i was re-reading a couple of the first installments and i noticed something, in the first chapter i think, there was something about zombies breaking the glass on the jeep and attacking the soldiers inside, ok..... zombies breaking glass.... thats inretresting.... normally i would assume thats zombies werent string enough to break through military grade windsheild glass, also there bodys are so rotted and stuff that they would break off before they had even started cracking it, i can understand that they would attack them if the glass was busted from crashing but they probably couldnt break it themselves, also them climbing up into the truck? again there arms would break off before they could even haul themselves halfway up, also they wouldnt have the sense to pull themselves up into it since they cant think at all anyways, just a couple nit-picks i have, but is still a good story and cant wait for the next installment.
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 12, 2005 11:19 am
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Enough zombies = Enough force.
And these zombies are really dumb, but not so dumb that they can't drag themselves over small obstacles (i.e. bonnets). They wont be opening doors or climbing ladders or anything. -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| zombieslaya |
Posted: February 12, 2005 10:52 pm
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Zombie Hunter Group: Members Posts: 178 Joined: January 20, 2005 |
thats gonna take a freaking lot of zombies to do that, ive seen pictures of bullet proof glass that was shot at with an assault rifle and the holes were just slightly bigger then the bullets, so it would take alot of zombies just to crack it. just pointing out some facts. -------------------- |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 13, 2005 12:41 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Eh, whatever. I've never concerned myself with military grade jeeps before. I have no idea whether the glass is even bulletproof. Anything I know of weaponry etc comes from video games, movies, fiction and physics. But fair enough, I guess the army bothers to put bulletproof glass in the jeeps.
But maybe these are older models of jeeps, without the bulletproof glass (covers his ass by making stuff up on the spot). Still, I probably should be getting on with the story rather than debating the merits of zombies breaking through windows. Sorry for the wait, I will update today. (9 whole days without updating...shame on me) This post has been edited by TheBlazeUK on February 13, 2005 01:44 pm -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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| TheBlazeUK |
Posted: February 13, 2005 02:26 pm
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Real zombie Nemesis Group: BB Betatesters Posts: 398 Joined: December 13, 2004 |
Eventually, I managed to get to sleep, and I dismissed all thoughts of the mysterious building for now. Whilst I was effectively a prisoner of the Army, it wasnt my problem. The news about no official word about the bites was troubling, and made me wonder how many people there were walking around the camp, carrying the infection that had destroyed my home. I decided I would get my minor injuries treated at the infirmary, if only to see what was happening in there. It was a safe bet that anyone who had been bitten would be in there before the infection killed you, before it turned you into a monster, it made you sick.
I remembered how Julie had been before she finally passed out and died. Shed been bitten on the first day, more than once. Wed finally managed to find each other in the chaos of the city under siege, outside our favourite place to eat. Lucky wed both had the idea really. Apart from when I got there, after fighting my way through the crowds of people who were desperate to flee the city or find their own loved ones, after running the military checkpoints, after a few close calls with the things infesting the city, Julie was already there. And she was being attacked - a woman with a blood-soaked shirt was wrestling with her, and Julie was screaming. I ran over to them and pulled the woman off frantically, hurling her aside with horror as I saw the hollow raw socket of her left eye, the gaping hole in her cheek, and the fresh blood dripping down her chin. The zombie fell backwards and tripped over the chairs behind her, then I grabbed Julie by the shoulder and pulled her to her feet. Shed cried and clutched at me desperately, and I saw the gruesome wounds her attacker had left in her arm. Id pulled away from her, then pulled the rifle off my shoulder and blown it away in the dull wrath of vengeance. Julie screamed again when she saw this, and then she pulled me away and begged for me to take her home, and we ran out of the city, holding each other closely in the press of humanity that fled to their homes where they thought theyd be safe. We saw the scattered forces of authority in disarray, the police officers making desperate stands at buildings, trying to keep the people safe. The ambulances that found the dead bodies of people they couldnt save attacking them. The fire engines that couldnt move through the crowded streets to reach the fires that blazed in some parts of the city. The army soldiers constructing hasty roadblocks and barricades, fortifying and escorting people out of the contaminated zones of the city; of course by then, infected people had already made it past, and the whole damn city was contaminated. But wed made it to the subway, where police, armed with heavier weaponry than Id ever seen in a populated area before, were desperately trying to keep some sort of order. The crowded cab of the train had taken us back to the suburbs where we lived, and we staggered back to our home and hid. Before the day was over, Julie was sick, real sick. When we got home Id applied amateurish first aid, cleaned the wounds out with antiseptic and bandaged them as best I could. Within a few hours of reaching home though, she started to get a headache, which only got worse. She said it was like a vice slowly closing on her skull. Later she started to feel hot, as though she was on fire, but her skin was getting colder and colder to the touch. She fainted soon after, and I took her up stairs and put her into bed. I dialled 911 but got nothing but a recorded message. She woke up later in the night, but she was delirious. She kept rambling about how she could barely think anymore, that it was a fog clogging her brain up. She called out my name and others, and brief moments of lucidity between her episodes of fever would make me feel sick. She asked me if she was going to be okay, and I kept telling her she would be. But Id turned on the radio earlier the TV was nothing but static and I heard the words of the soldier in charge of the defence of Heavensgate. The bites carry the infection. The infection is unstoppable. And when you die, you dont stay that way. He also told us what to do if someone we knew got bitten and died. But I couldnt bring myself to do that, even after Mr Haroldson, our next door neighbour, staggered into the backyard with his stomach ripped open, then got up and walked around proving to me that the dead were indeed the monsters in the street, and that since Julie was only getting worse it wouldnt be long before she was a monster too. I sat with her for the rest of the time she was alive, keeping the knowledge to myself. When she died I...I've already said I couldn't bring myself to keep her from waking up again. She begged me to make sure she didn't become like the monsters - the people - we'd seen. She didn't even know about the soldier's warning, that she was infected with the disease. But I guess she'd worked it out...she was always smarter than me. I hoped she wasn't still back there. It occurred to me how many sick people Id seen in the week before the attacks. How many people, with the same pallid complexion that Julie had developed, had been on the train out of the city. I guess it was no surprise the dead had gotten everywhere before people could stop them we didnt know about the infection until it was too late. I wondered how many of them had made it out of the city and pass the patrols, into the wide world. Nothing I could do about it in here...but I was hoping there would be a world waiting for me when they let me out. After I woke up, after a thankfully dreamless sleep, I went to fetch my new clothes and clean myself up. I didnt talk to any of the people in the camp, and they didnt talk to me. I didnt really want to talk about it to other survivors it wouldn't be the same as talking to the military, somehow it would make it all the more real if I talked to another person whod lived in the city like I had, whod escaped one step ahead of the hordes of murderers like me. So I went and picked up a fresh set of clothes, a simple boring grey set of army fatigues, and scrubbed the dirt and dried blood off me as best as I could. I tried to ignore the tenseness of the soldiers overseeing the camp, but I noticed the way most of them kept their distance from the refugees as though we were dangerous. Looking at the broken spirit of the people, the dull horror in their eyes, the paralysing shock that seemed to have claimed most of the refugees, I couldn't see why. But I guessed most of the soldiers knew a little about the infection, even if the brass werent willing to admit it. Though that was why they were keeping us in here of course - keeping us where they could see us. If only they'd admit that the infection existed. If only they'd quarantine the whole damn state - but I guess that would disrupt too much. Hopefully these half-measures would halt the monsters, though I didnt think it likely. I made my way to the infirmary; I had to join a queue of about fifty people just to get in to the massive green tent, and the sound of the wounded inside was sickening. I could hear the same kind of feverous exclamations my girlfriend had made before she died coming from within. When I finally got in, I saw harried looking medics running around, trying to offer comfort and aid to people lying on the edge of deaths door. There was a table where immediate injuries were being dealt with most of the people in here were obviously suffering from the plague the dead carried. A squad of soldiers were hurriedly grabbing the bodies of the dead and placing them in the back of a truck, before driving off out of the camp towards the base with them. When I asked where the dead were being taken, the medic treating me looked at me with a face tinged with exhaustion, then simply said. Were keeping them safe in the base I tried to ask more but she dismissed me and started treating another patient. I left the infirmary, slightly less troubled at least the soldiers were taking the dead away from us before they could wake up, though obviously they werent trusting us with the knowledge that the dead would indeed rise again. But at least they knew, even if they weren't doing this sensibly, and I was guessing most of the camp did. I walked through the mess of the camp, towards the ring of RVs and mobile-homes Id seen from a distance. Within, I got my first look at the man Dylan had warned me about. The man who was telling all his captive audience that this was the End Of Days, ridding people of any hope they'd gained in escaping the hellhole of their homes. I could tell I wasn't going to like him. This post has been edited by TheBlazeUK on March 24, 2005 12:28 pm -------------------- Like zombies? read comics? read The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, from Image
No Cable TV No grocery stores No government In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to start living Documents of the dead - newspapers etc from the fall of the earth. The Living and The Dead My zombie horror story. Feel free to leave feedback. |
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